I have no doubt the moms quoted love their living children deeply, but the baby they aborted was no less their child ,nor did it deserve not experiencing that same love of a mother that they were sure to have for it if they brought it to life.
Rationalization, and justification can be very strong tools in denial, as evidenced by this article which tries to convince people that aborting your unborn child is the loving thing to do.
For the past 8 eight we at Lumina have been doing weekend retreats for siblings of aborted babies. What is particularly disturbing is that these women lay the cause of their abortions all at the feet of her living child, with no regard to how he/she will feel when they come to realize their sibling is dead because of them.
Although it is not address very often, the devastation of abortion on living children is surfacing more and more as they learn of siblings that are missing. This too can be manifested in different ways through defenses, but as with abortion, whether conscious of it or not it makes it impact.
Praying these moms come to terms with their choice, take responsibility, heal and are able to be there for the living child they burden with their decision so that they too can reach healing.
"Being the Divine Physician, our Redeemer alone can heal us from our sins. If, full of hope, we continue to persevere in bringing to Him all the different aspects of our misery, then one day the moment will arrive when He will bend over us in response to our trustful begging for healing, finally uniting with us completely." GOD Alone Suffices, p. 71
It is hard to forget the beginnings of my healing. I did not have a personal relationship with God at all. I felt as though I was walking blindly, desperately wanting to believe that God’s desire was to heal me.
As hard as it was for me to internalize it, I went on the word of a priest I had grown to trust, and found myself daily in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, challenging Jesus to live up to His promises and to bring me healing from my abortion. I like to say I “haunted” Him.
Here is one of the many poems I wrote in that time over 30 years ago:
I’m searching the dark to find you Lord,
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
The Church tells me…
Friends tell me…
You must be there.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
You must be there.
I felt you Lord.
One time for days.
It was wonderful. They were right.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
I can’t find you Lord.
My heart is hard.
Please help me to find you Lord…I’m lost.
I’m praying in the dark to find your Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
Ah, my heart has opened.
There you are, right beside me.
I couldn’t feel you without your love.
I’m praying in the light to stay with you Lord.
Here you are.
Please help me to stay with you
So other can find you in me, and them,
As I found you in them, and myself…
I love the above passage from “God Alone Suffices”, a book by one of my favorite spiritual authors, SC Beila. I know what he said is true because I experienced what he is speaking of. Alone in the bathroom one night, begging for His mercy, healing came. It is this healing that allows me to do this work. A healing that trusts totally in Him and not myself. A healing which gives me confidence and strength because it is grounded in the One who touched me. A healing that not only showed me what a sinner I was, am, and always will be, but what a Redeemer Jesus is and how He desires to bestow His mercy on us.
Here is something I wrote after my healing:
Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness
It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love.
An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.
I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else and I longed to be healed.
The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to loose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.
I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, in spite of me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach a complete surrender.
There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.
I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.
And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.
There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.
To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt”, it is possible.
Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.
As we continue to reach out to those suffering I know that this mercy is there for each one of us no matter what our sins. May His merciful heart touch each of you this day!
As we approach Ash Wednesday our message s the same..if you are someone who has been involved in abortion you can be healed!
Come Home to His Mercy this Lent!
It is not unusual for someone who is post abortive to come to me upset because they have felt judged. “They think we deserve to suffer and deserve to go to hell.”
The pain of the realization of the feelings of some people can be overwhelming, adding to the already unbearable pain of knowing that you have participated in the death of your child. In reality, most times, those feelings of judgment are just a reinforcement of what they are feeling about themselves, yet they are desperately looking for forgiveness, healing and acceptance, a way to find God’s peace.
They are often surprised when I tell them, “They are right, we may deserve hell, but isn’t that what makes our healing all the more beautiful. It has nothing to do with what we deserve, or what we have done to try to make up for our abortions, in truth we can never make up for them, but we do not have to. He already has.”
Healing is a gift freely given, obtained through the death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ who died for our sins. Our healing is not about us and what we have done, but about Him and what He has done.
There is a freedom in that knowledge, and a profound gratitude and humility. An acknowledgment, that I am a sinner in need of His mercy. That we, who are responsible for the death of our children, even though to different degrees, can receive His mercy and forgiveness. That His sacrifice has paid the price for our sin and His desire is for our healing and to reunite us with Himself and our aborted children.
It is hard to internalize such an amazing act of love and self giving. It is hard as a post abortive person to take the focus off of ourselves, admit what we have done and that we were capable of such an act, and place the focus on Him, but it is there alone that we will find healing, peace, joy and the freedom of knowing the unfathomable love and mercy of God.
There is nothing that will ever take away the picture in my head of my aborted son lying in the bed next to me. I believe that is a good thing. It brought me face to face with the reality of abortion.
As a teenager, I found myself pregnant. Like most teens I hid it from my parents. I knew I would never have an abortion, and I did not believe that they would ever make me have one. I was in my fourth month of pregnancy when I finally told them.
I had played a million scenarios in my head as to what their reaction would be; anger, disappointment, embarrassment. But, the the one I never expected was that I would be kicked out of the house and disowned. I found myself isolated and alone and the pressure began to abort my unborn baby. With nowhere to go, no money, or support, I caved in to the pressure and had an abortion, something I did not think I would ever do.
That was over 40 years ago, pre Roe vs. Wade, but legal in the State of New York. As an impressionable teen, I was brought to a hospital to end the life of my unborn child.
After hours of labor, I gave birth to a dead baby boy. There are no words to adequately express what went through my mind at that time. I immediately hated myself for giving in, but I also remember thinking, “How in the world is this possible? How is this legal? What is wrong with us, if we as a society allow things such as this?”
I was shocked and truly in a state of disbelief that this was a legal practice in the State of New York. Next door to my hospital room, a family was celebrating a birth, while my son lay dead on the bed next to me. It just did not seem possible, but, it was.
Now over 40 years later, Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York, is seeking to cement abortion rights by amending the state constitution. It is really no surprise that Cuomo would continue to promote his extreme pro abortion agenda to enshrine abortion for all nine months, untouchable, and unstoppable.
This amendment would make his dream a reality and ensure endorsements and funding from Planned Parenthood, a group that lies to women, sells aborted baby parts, and deceives the public by saying they provide prenatal care.
Cuomo claims it is because he cares for women and their health, but yet never has he proposed a piece of legislation that would do just that by endorsing a “Women’s Right to Know” act to the dangers of abortion, or laws protecting girls and women from coercion by boyfriends, husbands and yes, even parents. I can assure him he is not caring or speaking for me or the thousands of other women in New York that I have seen in the post abortion program that I run.
There is no, nor has there ever been, any regard for the countless women who have been injured emotionally or physically from abortion. In fact, their voices continue to be denied as are their experiences.
As I watch our extreme pro abortion politicians in New York like Cuomo and Senator Schumer (who cried because of the 90 day immigration ban, but also pushes abortion for any reason and at any time), I wonder if they ever cry or think of the countless unborn babies that they endorse killing or the millions of women and other family members injured by their extreme pro abortion agenda.
They can call it “Family Planning” all they want, but the truth of the matter is, unborn babies are being killed and countless numbers of women are being harmed. Cuomo and Schumer care far more about enshrining their god of abortion than they do about any woman in the State of New York.
I thought I had seen and heard just about everything, but I must admit I was brought to tears when I viewed and read the commentary on Teen Vogue’s latest online slideshow, “What to Get a Friend Post Abortion”.
The attempt to indoctrinate the young in order to plant the seeds of acceptance is no surprise. Neither is the familiar implication, that the abortion itself is not the problem but, “how you are treated afterwards” is.
The smiling faces of BFF’s in school uniforms grace this slide show, as does the standard propaganda of the extreme pro abortion agenda. In order to fulfill their desperate attempts at erasing stigma they are laying down the subconscious rules. Abortion is normal. Abortion is good. Abortion is safe…no problem.
From poems and movies, to underwear for heavy bleeding, to heating pads, to recruiting abortion clinic escorts, they instruct BFF’s on gifts to give their friends who have an abortion - turning it into a celebratory event instead of what it is - taking the life of your unborn child.
Sadly, these girls have no clue as to the impact of abortion because outlets such as Teen Vogue refuse to give their young readers all the facts. Once again, the god of abortion outweighs the true health and welfare of the people that have them, instructing them that anything but acceptance and gratitude are unacceptable.
I had an abortion as a teen. All the movies, poems and gifts in the world would never erase the deep sorrow and overwhelming guilt I felt for taking the life of my unborn son. There is no doubt that Teen Vogue and similar magazines would blame my grief and pain on anything but my abortion. But, for me that never worked. I saw my dead son lying on the bed next to me and no one could ever tell me killing him was alright.
Words like brave and courageous are used throughout the slide show, while encouraging the wearing of pro abortion pins and “girl power” hats. Chances are many of these girls will walk around trying to play the part they are given in order to be accepted and “normal,” while in the quiet recesses of their minds they are constantly beating down the uncomfortable truth and immense pain of their actions.
For millions of women (and in this case girls), having control over the life of your unborn child does not bring you power. On the contrary, It destroys any self worth you have leaving you feeling worthless, believing you are unforgivable and unlovable. There is nothing powerful or good about killing an innocent, helpless, human life.
The sorrow and guilt she feels for taking the life of her unborn child
The pain she may feel when she sees pregnant women or babies
The fact that no one wants to talk about it and deal with her pain
The nightmares of babies
The living in the fear of being found out by those she is close to that don’t know
The pain she will feel when she sees the development of her baby and reads about how it died
The possibility of never having any other children
The anger when she realizes the lies she has been told by the pro abortion groups who say they care for women
The addictions, anxiety, panic attacks , depression, and other mental health issues she may experience, but not attribute to her abortion because she was told she is not allowed to have those feelings
The heart wrenching realization of missing her baby, knowing she will never hold it in this world
And now a word to friends of teens who abort:
Being a true friend is not always easy. We have to stick by each other through the good and the bad. Sometimes friends may not make the right decisions, but while we can judge the act, we should always be there for the person. So how does this apply to abortion? Here are 11 true gifts of real friendship.
Before the abortion:
Make sure she has all the facts of abortion including the risks to her health, the development of her baby, and what happens during the procedure.
Encourage her to tell her parents or another adult. Abortion is a life altering event and someone so young does not see the impact on the rest of her life. It is true that her parents may force her to abort but there are legal alternative in order to prevent that.
Tell her the truth even if you are afraid but, let her know you will always love her.
Find a good Crisis Pregnancy Center that will assist her to have her baby and offer options whether it is keeping her child or adoption.
Let her know what courage it takes to bring life to a child in such difficult circumstances and how proud you are of her for facing the challenges in her selflessness.
Remind her that as hard as it is she will never have to live with having killed her child
If she aborts anyway:
Show you care about her.
Allow her to express her feelings of grief, anger, and regret and assure her she is not crazy because she has those feelings.
Watch out for isolation or behaviors that will harm her.
Remind her healing is possible and seek out post abortion resources that will legitimize her experience and assist her in her healing.
Never tell her “I told you so,” she already knows
Listen, love her, and then listen and love her some more.
In this day and age when the desperation to make abortion normal and remove stigma is unleashed on our society at the expense of women and even our children, let us be diligent in proclaiming the truth which will set us all free.
There is no doubt that one of the biggest objectives of the pro abortion movement is to remove the “stigma” of abortion. Contrary to what many of us who have experienced abortion proclaim, the pro aborts refuse to accept the fact that we feel shame and stigma because we participated in the death of our own children. Instead, they deny the truth and would like us and everyone else to believe that stigma is something that comes from outside of us; a societal burden to be blamed on religion, family, or anything but the fact that our child is dead.
Citing the “1-in-3 statistic,” abortion, they say, is no longer “rare,” but a normal occurrence in the life of any or every woman. The pro aborts are working overtime to get us to believe their rhetoric. In fact, there is a documentary about it! Remarkably Normal is an attempt by director, Marie Sproul, and writer, Jessi Blue Gormezano, to end the stigma attached to abortion. We are told the text of the play comes from real women, although for anonymity, names have been changed. In case we may think it might be depressing, we are told it is not bleak, but, in fact, includes humor!
So, here is a play seeking to de-stigmatize abortion which is “normal,” yet the names of the women are changed, something contradictory to what they are professing to do. The silence surrounding abortion, they tell us, is what brings shame, not the abortion itself.
Remarkably Normal we are told, seeks to humanize those who have abortions. It is good to humanize these women. The truth is, good, wonderful women have abortions and we do need to understand why someone felt the need to abort, but not for the same reasons. Instead of trying to understand in order to remove stigma, we need to try to understand so we can provide alternatives. Understanding why does not change the fact that abortion kills an unborn child and all the documentaries in the world will not change the truth.
Then, there is the video NARAL Pro-Choice America has released entitled, Comedians in Cars Getting Abortions. Moving from “choice” to what they consider an “absolute good,” rare is deleted from the dialogue and abortion without limitation is the goal society must now accept. They think that by injecting humor, abortion will somehow not be the violent killing of an unborn child. Like slight of hand in a magic trick, NARAL aims to divert our attention from the truth, but it does not work..
NARAL and Lady Parts Justice, another extreme pro abortion group, demonstrated outside of the Republican Convention in Ohio. “We’ve had an amazing week in Cleveland, and the best is yet to come.” NARAL boasts, “Throughout the city, NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio has been staging protests with our new friends, Lady Parts Justice! They’ll be capping off a terrific run with a hilarious comedy show Thursday night, and tickets are still available.”
Lady Parts Justice also promoted it's October event where they streamed their 1st annual “Golden Probes,” a show pointing out those politicians who seek to reduce abortions. Abortion with no limitations, no restrictions, for any reason, at any time. We’ve moved a long way from “safe & rare.”
Something has really hit me about all of these initiatives. In their quest to make abortion normal, they are killing the very essence of who they are as people in the desperate hope of making the stigma surrounding abortion go away. With a fierce determination, new approaches continue to pop up.
Show no Shame! Prove abortion is no big deal. Be outrageous! Kill your conscience, kill your human nature as a woman, and reduce yourself to your uterus and other female body parts. Become dead to your femininity, grace, the very essence of who you are as a woman and the stigma will go away!
They really believe that if you can do this, that if you reduce and expose it all and show people it is no big deal to you the shame will go away. Yet, it still falls short. Try as they might, the stigma still remains. Sadly, the only people these deadened, desperate women are kidding are themselves.
Stigma continues to be attached to abortion and always will be. It is not normal for a woman to participate in the death of her own child no matter how difficult the circumstances may be.
No, stigma and shame are here to stay. Sadly, what is truly lost for these women is their very dignity.
Men suffer from abortion too. If you are carrying the pain and sorrow of losing a child to abortion, you are not alone. Join Project Rachel for a Day of Prayer & Healing and find support from other men who are suffering.
We are very excited to facilitate an 11-week support group for women suffering because of a past abortion. The support group will meet on Tuesday evenings, beginning on April 4, 2017 at the Catholic Psych Institute offices, 179 Hamilton Avenue, Greenwich, Connecticut 06830. For confidential registration call 203-556-4251.
Entering Canaan Entering Canaan is comprehensive post abortion ministry consisting of Day of Prayer & Healing, weekend Retreats and monthly Gatherings. It also includes a yearly "Mercy Renewal Retreat" which enables those involved in the ministry to come aside each year to grow more deeply in their healing and faith.
Lumina Hope & Healing After Abortion A post abortion ministry of Good Counsel, Inc., Lumina provides groups, retreat days, trainings, public speaking, & referrals to post abortion ministries, professional therapists and clergy.
Abortion Recovery International ARIN is an affiliate association, dedicated to connecting and assisting like-minded abortion recovery centers, programs and services; as well as individuals working within the field.
Ramah International Assistance for those hurting from post abortion syndrome through communication, resources, and local referrals.
Project Rachel The Catholic Church's healing ministry for those who have been involved in abortion.
National Office of Reconciliation and Healing A network of researchers and psychotherapeutic professionals working in the field within the U.S. and abroad, consulting on the formation of post-abortion support services within secular and religious settings.
Rachel's Vineyard Rachel's Vineyard retreats combines a unique and creative process for psychological and spiritual healing.
Safe Haven Ministries Safe Haven is a peer site for those who have had abortions to find comfort, hope, understanding, and healing.
Ramah International – Sydna Masse’s Blog
Ramah International, Inc. was founded by Sydna A. Masse, a post-abortive woman who experienced God’s healing touch eleven years after her abortion through a crisis pregnancy center’s ministry program.
After Abortion Life after abortion: News, opinion, personal experience, resources