It all began because I believed my husband did not love me. I should have never married him to begin with. I was so young and naive. I had just had my second child when I found myself pregnant again with a third. We were only married 3 years, and I had hemorrhaged during my last delivery. I could not bring myself to have another child, so I called my sister and asked her what I could do. She told me to take a hot bath with mustard. It never occurred to me that this was a living being. All I could think of was how devastated I was because my husband was fooling around. Our daughter was only about six months old.
In 1968, we had our third child, a little boy. I was raised to believe that divorce was not an option. After all, only Hollywood stars got divorced. So I persisted in trying to keep my marriage together as my husband continued with his unfaithfulness, his drinking, gambling, and abuse. We lost our home and moved to Queens only to find out that I was pregnant again.
It was 1971 at this time and I told my husband to get out. There was just no more love or respect for this man. He left on April 22, 1971 and I lost the baby in June of 1971. I could have saved it if I wanted to, but of course that was not conceivable in my eyes at that time. I just let myself almost bleed to death before I went to the hospital. To me, this was an abortion of the mind.
Needless to say, all this impacted me greatly. I felt like a caged lion that had been let loose and my children were suffering greatly because of my mental imbalance, my suicidal behavior, and my need to find love which brought me to horrendous relationships.
I had lost all control of my emotions and found myself in a psychiatric hospital due to a suicide attempt. Only by the grace of our good God did I cry out for help, “Dear God, please help me!” And He did, just like that, miracle of miracles, right there in Beth Israel, Bernstein Pavilion, right there on the 7th floor, He came to me. My doctor could not believe the change which took place in me. He told me that it was miraculous and said that 90% of those who had my condition would eventually succeed in killing themselves.
Although I had that experience, I still continued in my illicit relationship and eventually found myself pregnant again, in love with a widowed man with 3 daughters. Because his children did not accept me, I felt I could not have the baby, so I went through with a final abortion in 1976. Of course, things did not work out with him either.
Once again, the Mercy of God intervened and this time, it really had a powerful impact on me. This God of Mercy brought me to my knees and I found myself going to church and confession on a regular basis. But, although I seemed to have found my way, I was still haunted by my abortions. Slowly, but surely, the Mercy of my God brought me to my haven of peace, and the post abortion ministry of Lumina. The love there and all the other women who had suffered in a similar fashion helped me to know that there is a LOVE & PEACE which surpasses all understanding. ~ Janet
Are you living in darkness and depression after an abortion?
Unable to get past the pain of your loss?
There is Hope. There is Healing. There is a way out of the darkness.
Email us at email@example.com.
Call us at 1-877-586-4621 or 1-718-881-8008.
For more information on post abortion healing, visit the Lumina website.