"Being the Divine Physician, our Redeemer alone can heal us from our sins. If, full of hope, we continue to persevere in bringing to Him all the different aspects of our misery, then one day the moment will arrive when He will bend over us in response to our trustful begging for healing, finally uniting with us completely." GOD Alone Suffices, p. 71
It is hard to forget the beginnings of my healing. I did not have a personal relationship with God at all. I felt as though I was walking blindly, desperately wanting to believe that God’s desire was to heal me.
As hard as it was for me to internalize it, I went on the word of a priest I had grown to trust, and found myself daily in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, challenging Jesus to live up to His promises and to bring me healing from my abortion. I like to say I “haunted” Him.
Here is one of the many poems I wrote in that time over 30 years ago:
I’m searching the dark to find you Lord,
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
The Church tells me…
Friends tell me…
You must be there.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
You must be there.
I felt you Lord.
One time for days.
It was wonderful. They were right.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
I can’t find you Lord.
My heart is hard.
Please help me to find you Lord…I’m lost.
I’m praying in the dark to find your Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
Ah, my heart has opened.
There you are, right beside me.
I couldn’t feel you without your love.
I’m praying in the light to stay with you Lord.
Here you are.
Please help me to stay with you
So other can find you in me, and them,
As I found you in them, and myself…
I love the above passage from “God Alone Suffices”, a book by one of my favorite spiritual authors, SC Beila. I know what he said is true because I experienced what he is speaking of. Alone in the bathroom one night, begging for His mercy, healing came. It is this healing that allows me to do this work. A healing that trusts totally in Him and not myself. A healing which gives me confidence and strength because it is grounded in the One who touched me. A healing that not only showed me what a sinner I was, am, and always will be, but what a Redeemer Jesus is and how He desires to bestow His mercy on us.
Here is something I wrote after my healing:
It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love.
An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.
I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else and I longed to be healed.
The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to loose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.
I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, in spite of me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach a complete surrender.
There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.
I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.
And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.
There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.
To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt”, it is possible.
Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.
As we continue to reach out to those suffering I know that this mercy is there for each one of us no matter what our sins. May His merciful heart touch each of you this day!
There is nothing that will ever take away the picture in my head of my aborted son lying in the bed next to me. I believe that is a good thing. It brought me face to face with the reality of abortion.
As a teenager, I found myself pregnant. Like most teens I hid it from my parents. I knew I would never have an abortion, and I did not believe that they would ever make me have
one. I was in my fourth month of pregnancy when I finally told them.
I had played a million scenarios in my head as to what their reaction would be; anger, disappointment, embarrassment. But, the the one I never expected was that I would be kicked out of the house and disowned. I found myself isolated and alone and the pressure began to abort my unborn baby. With nowhere to go, no money, or support, I caved in to the pressure and had an abortion, something I did not think I would ever do.
That was over 40 years ago, pre Roe vs. Wade, but legal in the State of New York. As an impressionable teen, I was brought to a hospital to end the life of my unborn child.
After hours of labor, I gave birth to a dead baby boy. There are no words to adequately express what went through my mind at that time. I immediately hated myself for giving in, but I also remember thinking, “How in the world is this possible? How is this legal? What is wrong with us, if we as a society allow things such as this?”
I was shocked and truly in a state of disbelief that this was a legal practice in the State of New York. Next door to my hospital room, a family was celebrating a birth, while my son lay dead on the bed next to me. It just did not seem possible, but, it was.
Now over 40 years later, Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York, is seeking to cement abortion rights by amending the state constitution. It is really no surprise that Cuomo would continue to promote his extreme pro abortion agenda to enshrine abortion for all nine months, untouchable, and unstoppable.
This amendment would make his dream a reality and ensure endorsements and funding from Planned Parenthood, a group that lies to women, sells aborted baby parts, and deceives the public by saying they provide prenatal care.
Cuomo claims it is because he cares for women and their health, but yet never has he proposed a piece of legislation that would do just that by endorsing a “Women’s Right to Know” act to the dangers of abortion, or laws protecting girls and women from coercion by boyfriends, husbands and yes, even parents. I can assure him he is not caring or speaking for me or the thousands of other women in New York that I have seen in the post abortion program that I run.
There is no, nor has there ever been, any regard for the countless women who have been injured emotionally or physically from abortion. In fact, their voices continue to be denied as are their experiences.
As I watch our extreme pro abortion politicians in New York like Cuomo and Senator Schumer (who cried because of the 90 day immigration ban, but also pushes abortion for any reason and at any time), I wonder if they ever cry or think of the countless unborn babies that they endorse killing or the millions of women and other family members injured by their extreme pro abortion agenda.
They can call it “Family Planning” all they want, but the truth of the matter is, unborn babies are being killed and countless numbers of women are being harmed. Cuomo and Schumer care far more about enshrining their god of abortion than they do about any woman in the State of New York.
Written by Renee..one of our first siblings...so proud of her and how far she has come..we love you girl!
My dear little Joey,
the night we lost you
is the night I was born.
I was almost 11 the night I found out,
and at once my heart broke with sorrow and shock.
Not only for mom’s loss but also for mine.
It felt so strange to feel such pain, since we’d never even met,
so for years I tried so hard to hide it, as I’ve done in the past.
It only worked to an extent, so I looked online for help
from others who have felt the same, but I was unsuccessful.
That shocked and made me angry, as our loss is fairly common,
and my heart went out to all the others, who couldn’t find support.
There were options for the parents, which wasn’t a bad thing,
but what about the siblings? Who was speaking up for us?
I finally learned of two groups doing it, but they were far away,
so I reached out to one by email, and thankfully heard back.
We could not meet in person, but she did so much for me,
by inspiring me to write my story, which I had never done.
I followed her advice, and really ended up surprised
by how much pain I’d been repressing, since we learned about your death.
It took a lot of guts and strength, since I’m shy with my emotions,
but it also brought with it some healing and opened unexpected doors.
Among them was a trip to New York, where I first met other siblings
at a retreat that was held just for us, and man was it intense!
I was finally at a place where I could freely speak
about my pains and struggles, without a fear of judgment
or adding to one’s pain. Because of that, I opened up
and shared much more than what I’d written, without being interrupted.
To know the others could relate, was really quite a comfort
that for so long I’d been searching for. It left me feeling grateful,
but also rather bummed, for all the sibs around the world
who wouldn’t get this chance. So I became a voice for them.
I started sharing my story online, for other hurting sibs to find,
but also so those unaware, could learn about our struggles.
I couldn’t really blame them for not already knowing.
as I was also in the dark until I learned of you.
I’ve gotten awesome feedback, from siblings and from others,
which always is an honor, ‘though I can’t take all the credit.
You, dear Joey, and our brave and honest mother, are my biggest inspirations.
I will always remember the night that we found out the truth,
not just for the pain, but for the deep love I instantly felt
for you, my youngest brother, ‘though we’d never even met.
The love is not one sided, as I often feel it from you
especially when I see a cardinal or a baby kangaroo.
I’m very grateful for those times, my dearest Valentine,
and look forward to honoring you as long as I can.
I love you, Joseph Michael!
Love, your proud oldest sister
I thought I had seen and heard just about everything, but I must admit I was brought to tears when I viewed and read the commentary on Teen Vogue’s latest online slideshow, “What to Get a Friend Post Abortion”.
The attempt to indoctrinate the young in order to plant the seeds of acceptance is no surprise. Neither is the familiar implication, that the abortion itself is not the problem but, “how you are treated afterwards” is.
The smiling faces of BFF’s in school uniforms grace this slide show, as does the standard propaganda of the extreme pro abortion agenda. In order to fulfill their desperate attempts at erasing stigma they are laying down the subconscious rules. Abortion is normal. Abortion is good. Abortion is safe…no problem.
From poems and movies, to underwear for heavy bleeding, to heating pads, to recruiting abortion clinic escorts, they instruct BFF’s on gifts to give their friends who have an abortion - turning it into a celebratory event instead of what it is - taking the life of your unborn child.
Sadly, these girls have no clue as to the impact of abortion because outlets such as Teen Vogue refuse to give their young readers all the facts. Once again, the god of abortion outweighs the true health and welfare of the people that have them, instructing them that anything but acceptance and gratitude are unacceptable.
I had an abortion as a teen. All the movies, poems and gifts in the world would never erase the deep sorrow and overwhelming guilt I felt for taking the life of my unborn son. There is no doubt that Teen Vogue and similar magazines would blame my grief and pain on anything but my abortion. But, for me that never worked. I saw my dead son lying on the bed next to me and no one could ever tell me killing him was alright.
Words like brave and courageous are used throughout the slide show, while encouraging the wearing of pro abortion pins and “girl power” hats. Chances are many of these girls will walk around trying to play the part they are given in order to be accepted and “normal,” while in the quiet recesses of their minds they are constantly beating down the uncomfortable truth and immense pain of their actions.
For millions of women (and in this case girls), having control over the life of your unborn child does not bring you power. On the contrary, It destroys any self worth you have leaving you feeling worthless, believing you are unforgivable and unlovable. There is nothing powerful or good about killing an innocent, helpless, human life.
There is much missing in Teen Vogue’s slideshow of “11 Thoughtful l gifts your friend who just had an abortion would appreciate.” In fact, I propose a new list: “11 things your friend who just had an abortion will not appreciate.” True, they may not experience these eleven things until years later, but if they have a beating heart, these will surface.
And now a word to friends of teens who abort:
Being a true friend is not always easy. We have to stick by each other through the good and the bad. Sometimes friends may not make the right decisions, but while we can judge the act, we should always be there for the person. So how does this apply to abortion? Here are 11 true gifts of real friendship.
Before the abortion:
If she aborts anyway:
In this day and age when the desperation to make abortion normal and remove stigma is unleashed on our society at the expense of women and even our children, let us be diligent in proclaiming the truth which will set us all free.
There is no doubt that one of the biggest objectives of the pro abortion movement is to remove the “stigma” of abortion. Contrary to what many of us who have experienced abortion proclaim, the pro aborts refuse to accept the fact that we feel shame and stigma because we participated in the death of our own children. Instead, they deny the truth and would like us and everyone else to believe that stigma is something that comes from outside of us; a societal burden to be blamed on religion, family, or anything but the fact that our child is dead.
Citing the “1-in-3 statistic,” abortion, they say, is no longer “rare,” but a normal occurrence in the life of any or every woman. The pro aborts are working overtime to get us to believe their rhetoric. In fact, there is a documentary about it! Remarkably Normal is an attempt by director, Marie Sproul, and writer, Jessi Blue Gormezano, to end the stigma attached to abortion. We are told the text of the play comes from real women, although for anonymity, names have been changed. In case we may think it might be depressing, we are told it is not bleak, but, in fact, includes humor!
So, here is a play seeking to de-stigmatize abortion which is “normal,” yet the names of the women are changed, something contradictory to what they are professing to do. The silence surrounding abortion, they tell us, is what brings shame, not the abortion itself.
Remarkably Normal we are told, seeks to humanize those who have abortions. It is good to humanize these women. The truth is, good, wonderful women have abortions and we do need to understand why someone felt the need to abort, but not for the same reasons. Instead of trying to understand in order to remove stigma, we need to try to understand so we can provide alternatives. Understanding why does not change the fact that abortion kills an unborn child and all the documentaries in the world will not change the truth.
Then, there is the video NARAL Pro-Choice America has released entitled, Comedians in Cars Getting Abortions. Moving from “choice” to what they consider an “absolute good,” rare is deleted from the dialogue and abortion without limitation is the goal society must now accept. They think that by injecting humor, abortion will somehow not be the violent killing of an unborn child. Like slight of hand in a magic trick, NARAL aims to divert our attention from the truth, but it does not work..
NARAL and Lady Parts Justice, another extreme pro abortion group, demonstrated outside of the Republican Convention in Ohio. “We’ve had an amazing week in Cleveland, and the best is yet to come.” NARAL boasts, “Throughout the city, NARAL Pro-Choice Ohio has been staging protests with our new friends, Lady Parts Justice! They’ll be capping off a terrific run with a hilarious comedy show Thursday night, and tickets are still available.”
Lady Parts Justice also promoted it's October event where they streamed their 1st annual “Golden Probes,” a show pointing out those politicians who seek to reduce abortions. Abortion with no limitations, no restrictions, for any reason, at any time. We’ve moved a long way from “safe & rare.”
Something has really hit me about all of these initiatives. In their quest to make abortion normal, they are killing the very essence of who they are as people in the desperate hope of making the stigma surrounding abortion go away. With a fierce determination, new approaches continue to pop up.
Show no Shame! Prove abortion is no big deal. Be outrageous! Kill your conscience, kill your human nature as a woman, and reduce yourself to your uterus and other female body parts. Become dead to your femininity, grace, the very essence of who you are as a woman and the stigma will go away!
They really believe that if you can do this, that if you reduce and expose it all and show people it is no big deal to you the shame will go away. Yet, it still falls short. Try as they might, the stigma still remains. Sadly, the only people these deadened, desperate women are kidding are themselves.
Stigma continues to be attached to abortion and always will be. It is not normal for a woman to participate in the death of her own child no matter how difficult the circumstances may be.
No, stigma and shame are here to stay. Sadly, what is truly lost for these women is their very dignity.
Men suffer from abortion too. If you are carrying the pain and sorrow of losing a child to abortion, you are not alone. Join Project Rachel for a Day of Prayer & Healing and find support from other men who are suffering.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
For more information, or to register, please contact Clarissa Lapinski: 1-888-456-HOPE or email@example.com.
We are very excited to facilitate an 11-week support group for women suffering because of a past abortion. The support group will meet on Tuesday evenings, beginning on April 4, 2017 at the Catholic Psych Institute offices, 179 Hamilton Avenue, Greenwich, Connecticut 06830. For confidential registration call 203-556-4251.
Spread the news, space is limited.
Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world.
(Divine Mercy in My Soul, The Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, 85)
I love the Easter season that speaks so loudly of God’s great mercy and forgiveness. It is a time of great grace, drawing in those who have been lost, back to the heart of Christ, who is Mercy Himself.
With over 58 million abortions in our country since 1973, there are millions of people separated from God because of abortion, and whether we realize it or not, it has touched each one of our lives.
It may be your wife who struggles with intimacy, or maybe it is your mother who suffers from depression, or your father who is emotionally unavailable. It may be your husband who pressured a girlfriend to abort while in college.
Maybe it is your close friend who said she had to work and was unable to come to your baby shower, or, perhaps you could not believe that your sister missed her nephew’s first birthday party. The truth is, many post abortive people find events like these painful and they often find excuses not to attend.
As one father told me, “I used to be so close to my daughter. We sent her away to college, and it was never the same after that. We kept trying to figure out what went wrong. It was not until years later that we found out she had an abortion. I wish she had felt she could come to us. I keep beating myself up wondering what I did that caused her to feel she could not. Not only did I lose my grandchild but I lost the daughter I once had. She is always so sad and I wonder if she will ever be herself again.” BC
Millions of women and men suffer in silence and isolation because of a past abortion. Most feel they have committed the unforgivable sin, but no sin is unforgivable to God. Jesus assured us of this when he told St Faustina, our sins, no matter what they are, are like a drop in the ocean of His mercy.
Our work at Lumina continues to reach tens of thousands of people touched by abortion each year, through talks, trainings, media, and retreats. Along with women’s retreats, we have retreats specifically for post-abortive fathers and we are the only healing ministry offering a retreat for siblings and couples who aborted because of an adverse diagnosis.
One sibling recently wrote, “It is difficult to put into words the great peace and comfort that I received when I participated in the Day of Prayer and Healing for Siblings. Meeting six other retreatants who knew personally the pain and grief of losing a sibling to abortion made me feel less alone in my loss. As a child, I can remember feeling like someone was missing from my family. During my teen years, I pushed those thoughts away because it seemed not true or possible. Six years ago, when I learned my mom had an abortion four years before I was born, suddenly everything that didn’t make sense to me came into focus…I would recommend this retreat to anyone who lost a sibling to abortion.” JAMS
The need is staggering, as you can imagine. Won’t you help us bring Christ’s light to those who feel unforgivable and lost this Lenten season? May we, in this season of mercy bring them to Mercy Himself, the only true Healer!