Everyone is familiar with the children’s books where you compose a picture by connecting numerically marked dots. Following the sequence, the scrambled image soon takes the form of an identifiable object. What seemed incomprehensible becomes a familiar form and confusion becomes understandable, leaving you free to bring it to life with color and then move on to the next picture.
In the quest for healing from a past abortion, each person has their own “Connecting the Dots” book. A series of people, places, things, or smells over reacted to in the here and now, because they are subconscious reminders of an abortion in the past. Without identifying these connectors, life can be a roller coaster ride of anger, fear, resentment, anxiety and other emotions triggered from the past dictating the present and future.
Each person has their own personal connectors depending on their experience of abortion, but many share common connectors.
A few common connectors may include:
Abortion anniversary date
Pregnancy due dates
Being out of control
Fear of abandonment
Countless women relay feelings of being crazy because they are aware they are over reacting to situations in their lives. They have no idea that what is happening is direct result of abortion. Once they are able to identify their personal abortion connectors they can step back and examine their feelings before they react to situations. The connecting dots will make the picture understandable and the power of the emotions can then be dealt with where they should be, in the abortion experience, instead of impacting current situations.
No Mayo Please
As a teenager, I was pressured into an unwanted abortion. After hiding my pregnancy for over four months I found myself undergoing a saline abortion.
For those not familiar with the saline abortion procedure, your abdomen is injected with saline solution. This causes your unborn child to burn to death and you to enter labor, eventually giving birth to a dead baby. My son was dumped into a large plastic jar marked “3A." The jar resembled a mayonnaise jar only on a much larger scale.
Years later while working as a waitress I experienced great anxiety every time I needed to go into the walk-in refrigerator but was completely unaware as to the reason why. It was not until years later during my own healing that I understood the jars on the shelf of that walk-in used for salad dressings were a major abortion connector for me. Once identified, this jar connector lost its power over me.
Losing your Way
Sally was a college girl I saw for post abortion counseling many years after my own healing. She would visit me weekly from her college campus.
When the summer break came, she returned home with plans to resume in the fall.
Sometime during the summer Sally felt a need to come in and decided to make the trip to NY to see me. By the time she got to the office she was frazzled and overcome with fear and anxiety.
Sally had gotten lost and was overreacting to a situation easily rectified for most people. Upon further discussion we found out she had gotten lost on her way to the clinic the day of her abortion. Getting lost was a major connector for her.
Keep that Carriage Away from Me
Mary went into a rage every time she saw a baby carriage or a baby. She became so angry that she often would state she was afraid of what she would do.
When her brother and his wife were expecting their first child, she went out of her way to try to avoid any situation where she would have to be with them. Of course, they did not understand why and this damaged their relationship.
Even a walk in the city had become a painful event. Babies and carriages were connectors for her. Once Mary entered counseling, she was able to work through the anger she felt regarding her own abortion. She was then free to able to enjoy her family again including her new niece.
Composing the Picture
Identifying personal connectors make the picture of post abortion reactions understandable.
Informing family members and friends who know of the abortion experience of your connectors will enable them to help when your reactions to the present do not fit the situation at hand, thus providing the opportunity to work through the real issues.
Abortion connectors can take many forms. They can be certain clothes, smells, resemblances of people involved, feelings of abandonment or rejection, certain music, or even waiting on line.
A good post abortion program or mental health professional can work with you to identify your personal connectors giving you the tools you need to heal effectively.
Most importantly, as these connectors are surfaced and brought to consciousness, their power will diminish bringing a new freedom and hope and a renewed ability to enjoy life again.