In my talks, I often speak of how shy I was before my healing. I make a joke of it, but it is completely true; I was afraid to order at McDonald’s, that's how timid I was. Now, God has me speaking of my worse sin - often in front of thousands of people. Talk about the power of the Holy Spirit!
I have come to disassociate myself with my talks because I truly believe they are about HIM and what He has done in my life, not about me and what I have done. The miracle of my healing has given me the great gift of courage through my faith. It is something I am so grateful for and of which I would not be able to do this work without. It has also given me great freedom, because my trust is in Him, not in me. Before every talk I ask Him to kick me out of the way and give me the words He would have me say.
Does this mean there is never any anxiety or fear? Of course not. But, these are the times where I allow it to be about me instead of Him, times when my human nature is fighting to take over and either get me to quit or get me to fumble. Sometimes, I am tormented for days before a talk and it is only my faith in Him that allows me to proceed.
Yes, there is fear at times, but I move forward in spite of the fear because I know it is His will for me. I may have to drag myself to the place I am speaking, fighting myself all the way, but the important thing is, I go, in spite of all I am feeling.
I am sure that a part of Jesus wanted to run the other way many times during His ministry, especially on the way to Golgatha. But, He also knew the goodness and love of God and what He willed for Him and trusted in that goodness.
Once, I spoke at a parish in my home town. There were many there who knew me, including some of my family. I would be lying if I did not say I was nervous, but like many times before, I dragged myself along like the limping sheep in the Gospel. I prayed to kick myself out of the way and trust that He would provide what it was I was meant to say. I asked for Our Lady’s intercession as always, and I spoke to the truth of abortion, its destruction of the unborn, and its damage to countless others, and then I watched the grace of God work, as He touched hearts and minds with His Mercy.
Not everyone is called to speaking, but we are all called to something. What it is - only you can discern through prayer and spiritual direction.
"These works that I perform testify
on my behalf that the Father has sent me."
May we each stay out of His way, doing only His will in ours lives as we speak the truth of the one who sends us.