Admit-forgive and Heal

As the mom of both an Iraqi veteran and an aborted baby, I found Aspen Bakers article for the Huffington Post Overcoming Stigma: Dead NFL Players, Suicidal Veterans, and Emotional Women  a confusing piece with lots of conflicting statements. Ms. Baker is the founder of Exhale,  http://www.4exhale.org/  an after abortion counseling talk line. I have read Aspen’s article several times and still cannot really piece together her logic as it relates to trauma while she is, at the same time, adverse to “Abortion Recovery Month” because it insinuates that abortion has negative emotional impacts. I would love to sit down and speak to Aspen some day. I think we share a lot of the same feelings, although our ultimate conclusions are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I applaud her confrontation of the pro choice movement when it comes to mental “well being” after abortion. It is true; the pro choice movement still does not have a public platform in support of women’s well being after abortion. That is because they mostly refuse to admit abortion can have adverse affects. The legality of abortion has become more important to them than the women they propose to care about. While their denial is part of the stigma problem which Aspen does recognize, I know the reality.  The stigma of abortion is the result of the act of abortion, not due to some other factor. Unlike PTSD from war or an injury by football (both accidental consequences) abortion is a definitive choice, and that choice is taking the life of your unborn child. With all the scientific evidence, everyone knows this, and everyone knows someone who is suffering because of an abortion. It is not natural for a mom to participate in the death of her child.  Ms. Baker claims her post abortive counseling, Exhale, is non judgmental, neither pro choice nor pro life but “pro voice”, but if you really read through its philosophy, the pain of abortion is blamed on something else. It is religion, the media, social factors,or your relationships, etc., that are causing you pain, not the abortion itself. It is almost as if they are trying to take the cause out of the equation, then you do not have to choose a side in the abortion issue, nor do you have to look honestly at what you have done. But the confusion grows. Aspen does not like “Abortion Recovery Month” or the New York subway ads “Abortion Changes You”, because she feels they depict a negative emotional impact after an abortion. I then have to ask, why you would need a “well-being" month if everything is so, well, “well”? Don’t get me wrong, I certainly agree abortion can cause PTSD. In fact, I know firsthand after a saline abortion I had as a teenager. Seeing your dead, burnt son in a bed next to you and knowing you consented to this horrible act is enough to cause PTSD, but perhaps the biggest cause was the denial of my experience by people trying to blame my pain on everything but the fact that I had participated in the death of my son. It is hard for me to understand how Aspen can see so clearly the trauma of war yet is blind to the trauma that is abortion itself. Women deserve more than an opportunity to be “pro voice”. They deserve the facts before, not after abortion, and they deserve to be healed. Ms. Baker is looking to remove the stigma and make abortion completely acceptable. God forbid we ever make the death of my son or the millions of other children acceptable. My “voice” deserves to be heard too. The movement-building initiative Aspen speaks of is only pro “their” voice, as evidenced by the vandalism of the New York subway ads. Those suffering from abortion that saw those ads and could relate to those feelings deserve to get the help they choose, while having their voices and experiences heard, too.  Having done post abortion work for many years, I am not ashamed to say I am anti abortion. I, like countless other women have found the abortion propaganda filled with lies. Having seen my dead, aborted son laying next to me after a saline abortion, no one, no religion, no morals, no person needs to tell me what abortion is and what it does, or why I felt the way I did. Ms Baker and others may not want a “recovery” that addresses God, but countless women do and they deserve to be able to find that instead of having someone simply discount the subway ads because the church is one of those who offers healing.  My Catholic faith did not make me feel guilty about my abortion; seeing my dead son made me feel guilty. In fact it was quite the opposite. I would even venture to say, that  the stigma of abortion has been taken away for me. I do not care what anyone thinks because I know what God has done for me. I did not seek to make the stigma disappear by forcing others to accept what I did or looking outside of myself, but instead inside of myself.  The stigma left me through my relationship with God and the forgiveness and healing he gave.  It was my faith that brought me peace and healing.

 “Deny -Defend and Attack” is the agenda of “choice”, and on this Aspen and I agree, but appears in some ways to be Aspen’s agenda, too. Still, I actually think we share many of the same feelings. Hey Aspen, I would be open to talk when ever you want. Why not give me a call ?