Reclaiming Our Children

Abandonement

 

How can you put into words the feeling of complete and total abandonment.  A pain that reaches your very core, the deepest recesses of your soul. I guess, you really can’t.

Once that part of you has been touched it is hard to forget it. There seems to always be a part of you attached to that pain, a cross that you carry even though most times you may not feel the weight. Every once in a while it rears its ugly head, projecting into the present what was so painful in the past. It can be hard to identify what is happening and you may even find yourself sabatoging relationships to spare yourself from being abandoned again.

Many post abortive people have abandonment issues. Often abandoned by boyfriends, husbands, orparents who supposedly loved them, but not enough to help them give life to their child. What a choice to have to make…the love of those who you believe care for you, or your child who you have not yet met….the fear of being alone, afraid etc. Coerced into abortion for fear of abandonment or abandoned to coerce to abort...it makes no difference, the results are the same.

I think back over the years and how many times this abortion “connector” of abandonment defined moments in my life before I understood what it was that was happening. It still pops up, and I am sure always will until the day I die, but even though it make take me while at times, I am always able to identify what is really happening and, by the grace of God, I talk myself into the present instead of reacting to the past.

Pro lifers can judge me for my abortion, and God knows a lot of them are out there doing that. Surely the sin I committed was great, but through my healing I have come to know Jesus Christ, who suffered abandonment  freely for me to the core of His being. Who I meet every time I am connected with that pain in the present, to remind me I am not alone and we will walk through this together. Who touches me with His mercy, His love, His forgiveness, His clear picture of the entire abortion and His understanding, not to say it was right, abortion is never right, but to love me in spite of it.

I am a sinner in need of God’s mercy. All good I do comes from Him and I can do nothing without Him. I do not heal people, He does, I do not save women from abortion, He does, I do not close clinics, He does ,the only one who can do any of those things…

As we begin the new year, I pray for the humility to never forget that. To suffer willingly, even with my connector of abandonment  for the salvation of souls, knowing  His great love for them and that He suffers with me. To always stay under Mary’s Mantle, Our Mother of Mercy who holds me, never abandones me, and leads me always to her son. To be grateful , to trust and not fear our God of Mercy who was  abandoned so that I could find my way to Him.

Feast of the Holy Innocents

Matthew 2:13-18

When the wise men had departed, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Get up, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you; for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him." Then Joseph got up, took the child and his mother by night, and went to Egypt, and remained there until the death of Herod. This was to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet, "Out of Egypt I have called my son."

When Herod saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, he was infuriated, and he sent and killed all the children in and around Bethlehem who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had learned from the wise men. Then was fulfilled what had been spoken through the prophet Jeremiah:

"A voice was heard in Ramah,

wailing and loud lamentation,

Rachel weeping for her children;

she refused to be consoled, because they are no more."

Retreat Day for Siblings

 

“I probably would not even be here if you did not have that abortion.” These are sentiments expressed by many siblings of aborted babies, sentiments that bring up a host of feelings. Guilt for being alive, yet grateful for the gift of life.  Love of their parents, yet disappointment and anger over the abortion. Questions of whether they were wanted, desperation to understand, and most often than not, a loneliness born out of the thought that they are isolated in their feelings.

Would my name be the same? Where do I go with all of these feelings?

Providing a safe place for those who suffer from sibling survivor guilt is very crucial. A place just for them, where they can express all of their feelings without fear. Fear of being judged because of feelings they have, fear of others judging their parent who they love, and fear of hurting those who are already suffering because of an abortion.

At Luminas “Entering Canaan Day of Prayer and Healing for Siblings” they are free to do just that. For the past 3 years it has provided a safe refuge for siblings from across the country as they share their feelings, and work through some of the issues surrounding their lost brother or sister. A place where they are free to be themselves and find out they are not alone as they experience the retreat with others who have also suffered this loss.

As one sibling shared:” At the Lumina retreat, I made peace with my siblings. In fact, I’ve sensed them as a benevolent presence in my life, as people whose souls were sent by God to our family and who are still linked to us. ..  I am thankful to Lumina for helping me to connect to them in a more spiritual way.  A lot of people have lost siblings to abortion and we need to be aware of our invisible family on the other side.  For me, it’s a comforting thought that no matter how broken my earthly family is, I still have more family members to relate to, somewhere!  And, while I may never  understand God’s will, that doesn’t seem to matter so much as the love that can still possibly exist between me and my siblings, born and unborn.” – IR

Or another: “For the first time in my life I was in the presence of other siblings who cold totally relate to my pain/issues. It gave me the confidence to keep sharing my pain/story in the hopes that others can also receive the healing and connections I was blessed by.” Renee

On March 2, 2013, Lumina will be having its fourth retreat day for siblings…for further information please call 877-486-4621 or email lumina@postabortionhelp.org.

http://postabortionhelp.org/pah/retreat-for-siblings/

Reclaiming Our Children

a repost (from July 2012)...

I must admit, sometimes in this abortion debate I feel like I am floating on the periphery, looking on, while the world dissects and argues about abortion, and concerning the unborn and the women who have them.

For me, as a post-abortive mother, it is much more personal. It is about reclaiming my child.

It is about relationships, family, and my son, who is now “living in the Lord” (Gospel of Life, JPII).

At seventeen years old, I hid my pregnancy from my parents for over four months. When I finally told them, I was asked to leave the house and forget that I was their daughter. Coming from a Catholic family, it was the one scenario I had not played out in my head.

Staying temporarily at a friend’s, the pressures to abort began: I fought with the baby’s father, and my own father began having my sister call me telling me to have an abortion. With no job, no money and no place go, in the end, I gave in to his demands — like many other women, it was not because of free choice, it was because I felt I had no choice.

The trauma of that day is still vivid in my mind, with no one telling me the development of my son or anything about the procedure I was about to undergo. I had a saline abortion in a hospital room by myself. After many hours of labor, I gave birth to a dead baby boy. To this day over thirty-five years later, I can still see him clearly and remember thinking, “How can this be legal?”, but it is.

I know some people reading this will say I have no right to claim my son having aborted him, and, they are right. I am a sinner deserving of nothing but eternal damnation. But, thank God, His ways are not our ways.

God desires for those of us who are post abortive to reclaim our children, because it is in doing so that I have found His peace. He gave my son to me. I may have rejected this wonderful gift of life, but it is STILL His desire that I claim my son. He is the God of second chances, and third chances, and on, and on, and on.

 

the rest is here:http://catholicexchange.com/reclaiming-our-children/

“Glory to our newborn king”

 

What awesome wonder comes our way
Through Jesus’ birth on Christmas Day
Our God of mercy seeks to bring
His presence through our newborn King
No sin too great could thwart His plan
Of love immense for every man
Though through our sin we were defiled
Through Jesus’ birth we’re reconciled
Just hear the unborn children sing
“Glory to our newborn king”
And parents who had lived despair
Know that salvation now is here
United in an act of love
Sent down to us from up above
Though through our sin we were defiled
Through Jesus’ birth we’re reconciled
So, God of mercy born anew
We wonder at the love of you
That came to save the human race
By life anew through saving grace
Joined with our unborn now we sing
The Mercy of our newborn King
Though through our sin we were defiled
Through Jesus’ birth we’re reconciled

..and the darkness has not overcome it

Banner inspired by my friend Kathy that was hung in Newtown CT at St Rose of Lima...it says it all..

Awaiting ...a Blessed Christmas!~

will not be posting again until after christmas....I know this time can be difficult and a huge abortion connector for many. Added to that the tragedy in CT only adds to the grief, but always remember...

"God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him."

So, in the midst of the darkness the light shines and we look forward to eternal life with Christ and our children.

 

Merry Christmas!

My Christmas Grace

I held my unborn son today,

A grace I truly felt.

He came to me in prayer

While before Our Lord I knelt.

 

I felt his little cheek brush mine as I pressed him to my chest.

His little arms clung to my neck,

His head, on my shoulder rest.

 

Our Lady gave this gift to me,

A moment of pure grace

As we await the birth of Christ,

The savior of our race

 

For although I’ve never been allowed to love my son on earth

She has showed me that a mother’s love transcends a human birth.

 

For there within the heart of Christ born in this time of joy

I clearly see the image of another baby boy

Reflected in the love of Christ

Who came to bring salvation

To every soul, in every land, in every single nation.

 

Emmanuel, God with us,

Uniting time and space

For in His gaze I truly know

I saw my child’s face.

 

 

 

 

- T Bonopartis

"God wants to forgive. His greatest desire is to greatly manifest His merciful love to us. If you are a sinner who is converted, you have a special right to this love of His - extraordinary love that expresses itself and is constantly inclined to the abyss of your frailty and of your nothingness."

(In the Arms of Mary, pg. 84)

The Birth of Mercy

A reflection by Mary Salo on Christmas whom the Lord brought home to Himself this past year...I kow she will b e rejoicing with her daughter Nell in heaven this year!

Mary 3rd from left

From the Death of Misery,
to the Birth Mercy
Christmas, a time that always used to be wonderful and happy, became a terrible time for me since 1979, the time when my aborted daughter, Nell, would have been born. It is also the anniversary of the death of my husband, who died on December 22, 1979 and was buried on Christmas Eve. It is all particularly relevant because I had the abortion as a result of my husband threatening to leave me if I didn’t. The thought of raising my other children alone scared me to death, so I gave in and aborted our daughter. It’s ironic that my husband left me alone anyway by dying. My thought has always been that it was God’s punishment for having the abortion. At times, I still fall back into that kind of thinking, even though I know better now.
I’m sure I am not alone in my negative thinking about Christmas. Christmas can be a major abortion connector for post abortive people just by the fact that it celebrates the birth of a baby, but for me, the connectors were numerous. My sons were 3 and 8 years old at that time and while I know that the 8 year old remembered that Christmas in 1979, I’m also sure that the 3 year old had no memory, although I am sure they both must have felt the effects of my reactions to Christmas as the years went on.
After the death of my husband, my sons became my priority. They needed my care and I tried to give them a normal home, but the truth is, I was depressed, alcoholic and suicidal. During the Christmas seasons, I would be so down that I would self medicate by drinking to excess. My anger would boil up and sadly, rear its ugly head against the boys, but in spite of my behavior, my sons grew up to be wonderful men, so, perhaps I succeeded somewhat in hiding my negative characteristics from them.
Then in 1994 my youngest son went away to college, and I now had the time to reflect. It was as though I had just had the abortion. I became very depressed and sought psychiatric care. The medical professionals kept telling me that the depression I was experiencing was not caused by the abortion. Being told this made me even more confused because I knew in my heart it played a huge part, so my spirits became even lower as I felt there was something wrong with me. I could not bring myself out of the depression as my feeling continued to be denied and spent time in partial psychiatric programs and in house hospitalization. When I finally “believed” the psychiatric diagnosis it made me even more severely depressed and suicidal. I thought at that time that this was the end for me.
By the grace of a very merciful God, in planning my own suicide I learned of the Sisters of Life and the Entering Canaan mission. In September 2002, I attended a “Day of Prayer and Healing”. Thirteen women who had abortions came together that day to find that they were not alone. I learned that many, many women were suffering after having had abortions. Suddenly, I felt hope and not crazy after all!
That day, I discovered that there was healing from the pain I was suffering. There was forgiveness for my sin and hope for a normal life ahead. What a wonderful message from the Father of Mercy and Forgiveness. For me, Christmas could now begin to mean something completely different than what I had been experiencing for more than 20 years. Christmas was now the birth of Mercy Himself, and a sign of His forgiveness for me.
I am so thankful for all the wonderful people who have come into my life to show me the way toward healing. Theresa, the Sisters, the priests and friars, and the many women sharing their experiences have helped me to be in a better place. It’s as though the manger of darkness that I was living in has become a palace filled with light and hope for the future.
Thank you all so much
Mary