What is born of flesh is flesh and what is born of spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I told you, 'You must be born from above. The wind blows where it wills, and you can hear the sound it makes, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes; so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.' John 3: 6-8
Eight months ago we aborted our child and have been struggling ever since. The regret set in almost immediately after the abortion. Part of us died with that child, but because of God’s love and mercy, that emptiness we feel is being filled with His light.
“It would be chaos,” said our obstetrician. “Yes, you would be the old mother in the playground.” I reluctantly chose to terminate our child, letting another human being influence our decision, choosing our way, not God’s way. I feel angry at myself for allowing that to happen. Society says it is okay and that abortion is a woman’s choice. Abortion is wrong! It is not an answer, God is the answer!
My husband and I already have three children. Then God gave us a bonus of another beautiful blessing. We felt overwhelmed at first and reacted in a panic. We let stress work us, not us work our stress, trying to control a situation and not putting it into God’s hands. The truth is, God knows exactly what He is doing and that child would have been perfect, coming at just the right time for our family. We are lost sheep looking for a shepherd.
I long to hold that child. Wondering what it would have been, a boy or a girl? Would it have my son’s or daughter’s infectious belly laugh, or my husband’s sparkling, big eyes? I look at my three amazing children and wonder what it would have been like with four. I will never know, but for now, I need to focus on what is in front of me, taking one day at a time. Counting all our blessings God has so graciously given us. All, with God’s help. “Jesus, I trust in You.”
~ Heartbroken Parents
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