I started therapy after the abortion and my psychiatrist felt that I was a danger to myself and had me admitted to a psychiatric unit of a major New York hospital. They tried anti depressants, shock therapy, and anti-psychotic drugs. But, the depression never lifted. My husband’s death at the time when my aborted baby was to have been born was further proof to me that what I had done was desperately wrong and I was convinced that it was punishment for the abortion.
I was now the sole person responsible for my two sons who were three and eight years old when my husband died. I had no time to think about the depression and it wasn’t until my youngest son went away to college that it all unfolded again. And again the professionals told me it was my imagination. There were no psychiatric complications from having an abortion, they said. I found out though after “Entering Canaan” that I was not alone. There were thousands, if not millions, of women who were suffering from post-abortion stress. Knowing this and meeting other women who were suffering and were on their journey towards healing saved my life.
In the beginning of my healing
journey, I continued
my psychiatric therapy.
I was in group therapy and
one night I told about my abortion and what
my experience had been. There were seven
of us in the group and after I had spoken, each person in the group had
something to say. One woman had an
abortion when she was much younger because she felt that her mental illness
would have been a deterrent to her being a good mother. She regretted the abortion and always
wondered whether she had made the right decision. Another woman had always wanted children, but
she too had an abortion because she was afraid of the consequences from her
illness. After the abortion, she could
not become pregnant again and wondered whether the abortion had ruined her
chances to become pregnant.
One man in the group told of his wife’s abortion before they had met and married. She was always depressed about it and he was very interested in telling her about my experience. Perhaps she could become involved with a post-abortion group also. He hoped she could. Another man spoke of a good friend of his in college who had an abortion and how it had changed her life. He always worried about her.
In the end there was only one person who was pro choice. He was not swayed by any of these experiences and was very sure that he was on the right side with his views.
I have always been amazed by this group night. Five of the seven of us had negative experiences with abortion. For me it was confirmation of my own conviction that all the years I had suffered were not a figment of my imagination. Now when I read what is out there by entities such as the American Psychiatric Association about post-abortion stress - I ask myself, “Are they crazy?” How could they possibly not be aware of all the testimonies of the many women who speak of the mental health issues associated with their abortions? So many of these women have similarities in their experiences and these stories confirm each other. Can it all be coincidence? I think not.
~ Mary Salo
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Are you living in darkness and
depression after an abortion?
Unable to get past
the pain of your loss?
There is Hope.
There is Healing. There is a way out of the darkness.
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