Reclaiming Our Children

Monday of the Fourth Week of Lent

Readings:
IS 65:17-21
PS 30:2 and 4, 5-6, 11-12a and 13b
JN 4:43-54

You changed my mourning into dancing;
O LORD, my God, forever will I give you thanks.

Yeah, right! That would have been my reaction years ago if someone had told me my mourning would turn into dancing. It seemed an impossible task considering my life of depression, isolation, despair, and unforgiveness. No way... it could never happen to me!

I persued God and healing out of desperation. I tried everything else before I turned to Him, and I only turned to Him because it was my very last hope. If this did not work I had run out of options.

It was all darkness at first. A searching and longing for wholeness. A desperation to feel alive again and live, not in the hell I was accustom to, but in peace.

Here is a poem I wrote during that time of struggle in darkness:

I’m searching the dark to find you Lord,
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
The Church tells me…
Friends tell me…
You must be there.

I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
You must be there.
I felt you Lord.
One time for days.
It was wonderful. They were right.

I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
I can’t find you Lord.
My heart is hard.
Please help me to find you Lord…I’m lost.

I’m praying in the dark to find your Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
Ah, my heart has opened.
There you are, right beside me.
I couldn’t feel you without your love.

I’m praying in the light to stay with you Lord.
Here you are.
With me,
In me.
Please help me to stay with you
So others can find you in me, and them,
As I found you in them, and myself…

To be sure it was a long journey for me, because Christ knew exactly what I needed and He wanted to heal me to the core. I am so grateful His grace gave me the strength to perservere.

So, if you do not feel like your mourning has turned into dancing just yet, don't give up, TRUST! He just wants to make sure when you get up you rule the dance floor with your joy!

Saturday of the Third Week of Lent - Be Merciful

Readings:
HOS 6:1-6
PS 51:3-4, 18-19, 20-21ab
LK 18:9-14

Today is the anniversary of my mom's death. It has been 21 years. I have shared my mom's part in my abortion, how she did not stand up for me with my dad and how I always believed my abortion never bothered her. 

God gave us a great grace in speaking of my abortion many years after my own healing. I came to find out that it lived with my mom every day of her life and she felt it was her sin to bring to the grave.

By the amazing grace of God, I was able to share my healing with my mom and also voice how it was ALL our sin, but that we had a merciful God ready to forgive. In His goodness my mom was able to go to the sacrament of reconciliation and receive healing before what was to become her cross of Alzhiemers.

Since her death, I have found out many other things and ways she did try to save me from the abortion, although she herself never told me of them, I believe in order not to damage other relationships.

I am forever grateful to God for allowing us to beat our breasts with the cry, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner."  And, I look forward to the day when I will see my mom again, who I am sure is sharing life with my son.

"I have only my sins Lord, and You love me"

 

Friday 3rd week of Lent - Love

Readings:
HOS 14:2-10
PS 81:6c-8a, 8bc-9, 10-11ab, 14 and 17
MK 12:28-34

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself"

There is a saying we often use for people who never seem to judge, “He/she does not have a bad word to say about anyone."  These people always seem to find the good in everyone, trying to understand why something would happen, or if they cannot find a reason just keeping quiet, often, I am sure, suffering in silence.

It is not that they condone bad behaviors, but they chose to try to understand why the person displays the behaviors. They separate the sin from the sinner.

I pray to be one of those people - someone who keeps their peace no matter how wronged, who chooses to see the good, who ALWAYS worries more about their own sins than the sins of others.

It is hard. When we are hurt or feel we are being treated unjustly, our natural reaction is to become defensive. In the end, I recognize this is a lack of trust in God on my part. If I were truly grounded in Him, it would not bother me how I was treated or what people thought, only that my heart belonged to God and my sole aim would be to live His life.

I pray one day I will become one of those people, but chances are it will probably not happen until, by His grace, I reach heaven. In the meantime, I keep on trying and keep on confessing, and keep on praying for those I feel treat me unjustly. Some days I do better than others, but all days I trust in God’s mercy for us all remembering we are all sinners and I very well may be that person who drives someone else crazy.

An Afternoon Prayerful Remembrance

St. Joseph's Basilica in Edmonton, Alberta,Canada will be hosting "An Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance and Intercession" on May 10th from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m.

An Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance and Intercession (APRI) is, as its name suggests, a prayer service created in the spirit of the New Evangelization, for the entire local community. Acknowledging abortion’s universal impact through reflections and testimonies offered as part of the day, the prayer service offers the opportunity for all of us to come together in an extended period of prayer, contemplation, and intercession in the context of the Church’s Sacraments, seeking forgiveness and healing for our entire nation. This day of prayer includes an opportunity for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, a period of silent Eucharistic Adoration, and concludes with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

 

Interested in hosting your own Prayerful Remembrance  & Intercession service?  Contact Lumina at (877) 586-4621 to obtain the Resource Manual.  The Resource Manual contains all the materials necessary for promoting and coordinating the day including sample bulletin announcements and flyers, sample talks, testimonies, intercessory prayers as well as a sample program.

 

Thursday of the Third Week of Lent

Readings:
JER 7:23-28
PS 95:1-2, 6-7, 8-9
LK 11:14-23

Those who have had an abortion can certainly relate to the feeling of being "possessed" by thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that tempt us to despair in our healing. At times it seems as if you are drowning in a sea of despair, feeling there is no way out.

You can become overwhelmed with feeling unloveable, unforgiveable, worthless, evil... I could go on and on. We are often tempted to stay locked into the old thinking and behaviors that cause us to doubt the love of God and His forgiveness.

Fighting against these things takes action on our part. A conscious movement of the will to rebuke the snares of the devil. Let us then stand "fully armed" dividing satan against himself and placing our trust in God, claiming the healing and mercy He is giving us and standing firm in His Kingdom .

 

Wednesday 3rd Week Lent - Christ's Teaching on the Law

From Good Counsel's Lenten series...

Readings For Today: Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9; Matthew 5:17-19

Laws are important for any civilized society to survive. Depending on how important laws are changed or modified can be the difference between a society crumbling or enjoying cultural stability. We know that the 1973 US Supreme Court decision of Roe v. Wade which legalized abortion has caused great destruction in America and has had an enormously tragic ripple effect around the globe. Those who enacted Roe v. Wade violated the Natural Law of Thou Shall Not Kill.

Responding to some of the consequences of unjust law, Good Counsel through a grant obtained by The Elliot Institute, created Lumina, a post-abortion healing program. Today, on this Lenten Wednesday, Good Counsel shared this video reflection...

"Let us all surrender to the only love deep enough to heal our wounds..."

 

 

The Cross of Receiving an Adverse Prenatal Diagnosis

 

Recently, I was very blessed to present a webinar for “Be Not Afraid," an organization whose mission it is to provide comprehensive, practical, and peer-based support to parents experiencing an adverse prenatal diagnosis and carrying to term. My training, "Special Considerations When Providing  Support to Post-Abortive Mothers Who Experienced an Adverse Prenatal Diagnosis," focused on ministering to those who terminate pregnancy after receiving an adverse diagnosis and how it is beneficial for these parents to have their own healing ministry.

We at Lumina have been holding retreats for adverse diagnosis couples for about 6 years. They have always touched my heart in a profound way as I listen to the stories of these couples who very often were prepared for the birth of their child only to receive heartbreaking news of an abnormality coupled with the undeniable pressure to terminate the pregnancy as “the loving thing to do."

What appears to be sadly lacking in our communities are the resources to give these couples hope, and the means to continue to love their unborn children no matter what the abnormality or length of life. 

As one woman told me, “Looking back, I can see what was missing from the conversation in the doctors’ office.  They never mentioned anything remotely positive.  Surely there was something they could have told us that wasn’t bleak and morbid.  Like the fact that we could love our daughter no matter what her physical or mental condition.” 

Over the years, I have been privileged to work side by side with one of the founders of “Be Not Afraid,” Tracy Windsor, in our shared hope of being a sign of Christ to these couples, whether they brought the pregnancy to term or gave in to the pressures of termination.

In this season of Lent, a time that calls us to Mercy Himself, I am reminded of the unfathomable beauty of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the love and redemption found at His cross, a redemption that embraces us whether we follow Him without reserve, or give in to our human weaknesses.

Those who have chosen to bring their pregnancy to term surely walk the way of the cross in choosing to “Be Not Afraid," trusting in Christ as they embrace their cross and loving their child through its life no matter how short or challenging.

Those who give in to the pressure to abort believing it is the loving thing to do so their child will not suffer, also find in the end, the ultimate love of the cross, walking the way of Calvary to the only love deep enough to forgive and heal our wounds, Christ’s redemptive sacrifice.

He is there for them both, because He loves us all. As we move through this Lenten season, let us remember in our prayers and sacrifices, those who carry the cross of an adverse diagnosis. If we do not have an outreach, let’s try to promote organizations like “Be Not Afraid” so those who receive an adverse prenatal diagnosis are offered support in their sorrow, and hope of being able to love no matter what. Let us also pray that those who terminated will come to find the love of Christ on the cross that forgives, understands, and desires to heal.

 

Connecting your story to God’s story

Our friend, Infinite Grace, over at "Post Abortion Journey"  blog was a guest on Kim Ketola's "Cradle My Heart" radio show speakinng about her abortion experience and healing.

Check out her interview http://cradlemyheart.org/2014/03/18/connecting-your-story-to-gods-story-after-abortion/

Monday, 3rd Week of Lent - A Living God

Readings:
KGS 5:1-15ab
PS 42:2, 3; 43:3, 4
LK 4:24-30

"Athirst is my soul for the living God"

God can sometimes seem like an abstract being, someone in the clouds, untouchable, unreachable, and distant. Someone to be met at a later date when we die.

We forget that He is a living God. A God in the here and now, the present. A God directing us, speaking to us, listening to us, desiring our healing and joy.

Our soul thirsts for the living God, because inside of us we know Him. We belong to Him. He is our peace.  He is our joy.  He is our healing.

As we go through this day, let us open ourselves to His presence not as a distant God, but as one here for us right now, healing us, loving us, and giving us His mercy.

 

Sunday, 3rd week of Lent - Sitting at the Well

Readings:
EX 17:3-7
PS 95:1-2, 6-7, 8-9
ROM 5:1-2, 5-8
JN 4:5-42

 

Countless times in the bible, Jesus tells us of His longing to bring us peace and healing.  Those who were open to His love were blessed to find their lives whole again, not because of who they were, but because of who He was.

In the story of the Samaritan woman, we are told that Jesus, in His travels, came to a town called Samaria and there in this place was Jacob's well. Being tired and thirsty he was sitting at the well. A woman came to it to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give me to drink." (John 4:7) This was not heard of, for the Jews did not associate with Samaritans, so the woman questioned Jesus. Jesus answered her, "If thou didst know the gift of God and who it is that says to thee, "Give me to drink, thou, perhaps, would have asked of him and he would have given thee living water." (John 4:10) The woman then questioned how Jesus, without anything to draw the water with, could have "living water." Jesus proceeded to tell her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again. He, however, who drinks of the water I will give shall never thirst, but the water I give him shall become in him a fountain of water springing up into life everlasting." (John 4:13-15)

The woman said to him, "Sir,give me this water that I may not thirst or come here to draw." (John 4:15) Jesus then asked her to call her husband. She replied, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her "Thou hast said well I have no husband, for thou hast had five husbands and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband... in this thou hast spoken truly." Now many of the Samaritans of that town believed in Him because of the word of that woman who bore witness, "He told me all that I have ever done."  (John 4:39)

Jesus our Savior knows what we have done as post abortive people. He knows our sorrow and grief.  He knows our fears and shame.  He sees our suffering. Like in Samaria, He is sitting at the well. Jesus went there specifically to meet the Samaritan woman and He is also waiting for us to come to Him and draw living water, the water of everlasting life.

On your exceedingly great mercy, and on that alone, rests all my hope.-St Augustine