Reclaiming Our Children

In His Presence

Through the generosity of a priest, my office is in an empty convent next door to a Catholic high school in the Bronx. It is a big building and frankly, not in the best of neighborhoods, but I have always felt safe in there even when I have had cause not to. 

Most days, I am in the building alone except when a volunteer is present, on retreat days, or when we are doing some training.  The convent, of course, has a chapel, and I am very blessed to have Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament.

During the month of August, I will be gone for three weeks, and so, before I leave I will tell a priest to consume Jesus, because I know no one would be around to change the sanctuary light or spend any time with Him.

As the time approaches to return to work, I will ask the priest to please bring Jesus back so that He will be there when I return. I do not want to go back into the building without Him!

I am asked all the time how I can work there alone and not be nervous. My answer is, I am not alone. I work with Jesus beside me. The same Jesus who healed me of my abortion, who blesses me with faith and the ability to do this work by His grace. Jesus my friend, my confidant, my counselor, and Savior. 

It is with Him beside me each day that I minister to the post abortive. He knows the stories and heartbreaks of all who come to us. In prayer with Him and under the guidance of my spiritual director, I discern His will and pray daily for those struggling with the pain of a past abortion, invoking Him to bring more souls forward to experience His love and forgiveness.

I have learned not to rush Him, but to trust and allow Him to heal in His time, not mine, for only he knows the depths of each person's wounds. I pray to Him daily to keep "me" out of His way wanting only the good and healing of those who come. I have learned to trust in His working for those He entrusts to us, and I have been blessed to see many reach His peace and healing. He hears me grumble.  He cries and smiles with me. It is not always - easy especially when He asks something of me I do not want to do, but by His grace we move forward. Many times I fail, but I know He will then meet me in the Sacrament of Reconciliation there to begin again.

No, I am truly not alone, for I work with the best co-worker anyone could possibly have - Jesus Christ!

Companions on the Journey to Canaan

You can tell a lot about a person by the people they hang around with. Someone, I forgot who, once said, “Show me a man’s friends and I will show you the man.”

Who are Jesus’ friends? When we read the Gospels, Jesus  seems to spend a great deal of time with the poor, those who were blind, deaf, ignorant, tax collectors, prostitutes, those possessed by demons, and very simple people. In short, we could say people who were broken and who knew it and did not try to hide behind any illusions or any false estimation about their own righteousness. Jesus came into their life, not with a hand of judgment ready to slam down upon them but with a tender touch of mercy, love, healing, forgiveness and hope.

Over the past two years I have had the privilege of attending post abortion retreats for men and women who have participated in an abortion. Why did I say it was a privilege to attend such retreats? Because I have met the people who, if Jesus still walked upon the earth,  he would have spent most of his time with. People broken, wounded by sin, yet humble and extremely aware of their need for God, and their need for a Savior.

There is no “stereotype” person on these retreats. It includes both men and women ranging from ages 15-60, people who are rich and those who are poor, people of various nationalities and backgrounds, people who want to be at the retreat and those echo sometimes do not want to be there. Despite all these differences there is one thing they all have in common; a profound humility that proclaims and witnesses to me the love and mercy of God and brings to life those words spoken by Jesus in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of God, blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (MT 5:3-4)

Most of the people who attend these retreats so not try to hide behind things like a career, external appearances, the ”perfect” family, a new car or any of the other gimmicks contemporary society will often use to try and hide their pain. They have taken it directly to Jesus Christ, the Divine Physician, the only one who can ultimately heal them and bring them back to the happiness and joy of knowing God’s love for them.

While I am at these retreats I always feel challenged (in a good way) about my own relationship with Jesus. I find myself asking, am I really giving Jesus everything? Is he really the Lord of my life? Am I seeking to serve him? Have I become somewhat lazy in my prayer life or in the spiritual life in general?

The reason why I ask these questions is because of the wonderful example or the people who are attending these retreats. Being with them, even in their continued struggles with forgiving themselves and dealing with guilt, I see the presence of a loving God who is “nursing” them back to health and back into his loving embrace.

Fr. Jeremiah Myriam Shryock, C.F.R.
Fr. Jeremiah assisted in the Men’s “Entering Canaan” mission as well as weekend retreats

The next Entering Canaan Mens Retreat sponsored by Lumina November 1, 2014.

How Could You Have Aborted My Big Brother?

Here is the second article I have written for Aleteia about the secret heartbreak of children who've lost a sibling through abortion.

“My mom does not know I found out about her abortion. She is suffering and I want to help her but I don’t know how.”

Anne spoke these words to me when she came seeking advice and help. She had recently overheard a conversation where her mom was speaking about a past abortion.

Anne didn’t know what to do or what to say to her mom, and her own emotions were all over the place. She went from feeling sorry for her mom, to feeling anger, confusion and even guilt for being alive.

She was reluctant to approach her mom, who was already suffering, but she knew she needed to express her own pain. She felt alone and isolated, and was looking for a place where someone would understand what she was going through, while at the same time not judge her mother whom she loved and felt a need to protect.

Anne is not alone. With over 55 million abortions in our country, there are millions of “Annes” who have lost a sibling to abortion. Some have found out about the abortion without their parents’ knowledge. Some have been told and others just have a sense that someone is missing.

The rest is here

Daughter and Dad

Interesting blog posts back and forth between a daughter who is pro choice and her dad... praying that the love and direction of her dad will, in the end, steer her to the truth.

I still do not get the point of being "proud" of having an abortion, as if that were a good thing?  So you want to be a person who can kill an unborn child and be proud of it?

Anyway, here are the posts.  You can get to his from hers.  Maybe if enough of us who have had abortions post she will begin to really look at what abortion is and does.  I am sure she has friends who have had them, and her not wanting to condemn her friends plays a part.  I will be praying she learns you can be against abortion and still love and support your friends.

Feminism For My Father

 

Abortion and Why You Can't Make it Anything But What It Is

The American Spectator offers a good article on the ongoing attempt to remove the "stigma" from abortion...

Why Abortion Will Never Be Mainstream
By Megan Cairns

In 1996, President Bill Clinton stated that "abortion should not only be safe and legal, it should be rare." The far left has since changed its tone with a campaign to normalize and de-stigmatize abortions.

The new website Notalone.us, founded by Emily Letts, the woman known for posting a video of her abortion on YouTube, aims to reassure that abortion is common and not shameful by allowing women to share their stories. 

“The pregnancy wasn’t real to me, it was a problem that needed to be fixed. It wasn’t a baby that I was giving up on, it was a mistake that I was repairing, it was our future that I was being protective of, it was our baby that I would plan for someday and care for from the moment of conception that I was thinking of,” reads one testimonial. “Had I not had the procedure, I wouldn't be where I am now: a law student, living my dream and sharing my story. None of this would be possible without my abortion,” reads another.

The critically acclaimed abortion comedy Obvious Child attempts to address the abortion issue with humor. The main character’s best friend exclaims, “You are going to kill it out there!” before the procedure. Because what’s funnier than an abortion joke, right?

Even though Salon.com praises Emily Letts’ work and NPR calls Obvious Child a “momentous film of small, embarrassing truths,” there is a reason Notalone.us will never catch on, Obvious Child is a box office flop, and public opinion on abortion is moving more and more towards the pro-life side of the spectrum. No matter how much the far left tries to sterilize abortions, most women know the truth. Abortions hurt—mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The rest is here.

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Elephant in the Room

"I have no idea whether my father was involved in the decision to have the abortion or whether he blamed himself for her death. We never talked about it in the family." James Garner

 

Life Site News ran an article on the day famed actor, James Garner, died.  In the article, we hear Garner share the fact that his birth mother died from a botched abortion when he was 4 years old.  Prevalent to the times and like countless families, Garner says, "We never talked about it in the family."

The hidden monster of abortion is all over the place. Countless numbers of families are suffering because they need healing from the trauma of abortion. Women who never told their husbands live in the fear of being found out, or even if the husband knows, other children are left wondering why things are the way they are in their family.

Abortion not only kills an unborn child, it destroys the fabric of family.

Reflecting on Garner's words, here is an article I wrote, originally published in Celebrate Life about my own abortion and the impact on my family:

The Monster in the Room

There are not too many of us who did not have the experience of being frightened as a child thinking there were monsters under our beds or in our closets.

My parents always used to leave my bedroom door ajar when I was little. I can still remember the fright I felt thinking a monster was under my bed, or in the hallway about to barge into my room to devour me. I ultimately would tell my parents about my fears and they would assure me he wasn’t really present as we checked out each space to my satisfaction until I felt safe enough to go to sleep.

Years later, the presence of another monster began living in my family. This time we all knew he was real and there, but no one spoke about him. We all felt his presence. NO matter how much we tried to ignore him, he affected each of our lives, but we stayed in denial as if that would make him less real or make him give up and go away.

Unlike my childhood days, there was no talk to alleviate the fears, and the safety I once felt within family was no longer present. In fact, being with my family became the place where I felt most threatened and most unlike myself. I could not believe, in spite of his huge presence, we all acted as if he did not exist. Was I the only one seeing? Was I crazy because he upset me? Did it really not bother them? We lived a facade of closeness. In reality my family did not know me or what was going on in me for years. The monster of abortion does that in families

The monster, was the saline abortion I was forced to undergo by my parents when I was just a teen. The abandonment, and isolation I felt at the time of the procedure carried into our relationship on a permanent level. For years I suffered what many post abortive women and men suffer from, fear, guilt, shame, anxiety and panic attacks, suicidal ideation and the forever implanted image of my unborn son who died from my saline abortion.The fears, anxiety and shame lived with me for years. I picked a spouse poorly …you pick what you think you deserve…for me that meant abuse. Each subsequent pregnancy I experienced brought with it a terror, but of course, I never spoke of it.  Years later I found out my mom experienced that same terror when I was pregnant. What should have been a joyful time was filled with fear and dread, knowing God was going to get me back now by having something wrong with my baby.

After years of suffering and living with this monster of a past abortion, that controlled my life, I decided to confront my fears.. I refused to live in denial anymore, and although I did not directly confront my family, they were very aware that I was now speaking out and working to expose this hidden “monster” in families that is abortion.

In the past fifteen years that I have been doing this work, I have seen its destruction in many families. The parents who know their daughter has changed but do not know why. The husband and wife relationship that has taken the form of strangers. The teenager who knows her mothers secret, is desperate to help, but afraid to let her know she knows. The sibling who feels guilty for being alive. The father mourning the loss of a child he did not even know he had until it was too late. The list can go on and on.

 Over the last fifteen years many new ministries and outreach programs are being formed to help those suffering from a past abortion.

More people are confronting the impact abortion has had on families and society.

It took over thirty years, but the monster of my abortion was finally addressed in my family, even with my children who came many years after. It took time, and healing for everyone, but we finally chased him out of our heads and hearts.

 

From Generation to Generation

When I became involved with the Entering Canaan post abortion ministry, it was not long before I recognized many similarities between the way the older women discussed their emotional traumas and my own mother’s behavior.  Over the months, I began to feel that there was more of a connection than the mere proximity of age and socio-economic status of these women to my mother.

Since I was a young child, in fact, for as long as my memory exists, my mother has been horribly plagued by depression.  So much so that there have been entire portions of my childhood where she was hospitalized or so heavily medicated and affected that she was completely dysfunctional.  She would often spend entire days in bed, leaving us, as children, to our own devices.  The picture began to replay itself in my mind as I listened to the stories of older women who suffered the guilt of terminating their pregnancies and a curiosity grew about my own mother.

I am a forty-one year old post-abortive man.  The termination of my child’s life took place sixteen years ago.  My mother never knew about the abortion and, like so many post-abortive parents, I have not shared the secret with many people outside of the safety of the ministry.  One Saturday last year, I sat with my mother and shared my story of guilt with her.  She was so moved that she shared her story with me.

I am the youngest of three children.  Between my mother’s pregnancy with my older brother and with me, there was a fourth child.  It was the early 1960’s and my mother was a young mother of two children already with an ambitious husband who was not at home much to help with the children.  When she suspected that she was pregnant again, she went to her doctor and expressed an inability to deal with another pregnancy so soon.  Her doctor gave her an injection which was supposed to bring on her menstrual cycle.  When her menstrual cycle did not start, she returned to her doctor.  He told her that he wanted to examine her and as he did so, she said that she felt a sharp pinch and asked him what he was doing.  Without discussing it with her, he had pulled the developing embryo from her uterine wall, aborting the pregnancy.

Her mental and physical well-being deteriorated steadily from that point on.  Two years later, I was born.  Though I never felt any lack of emotional nurturing from my mother, she was never fully with us.  She eventually came under the care of several psychiatrists and was hospitalized numerous times during my youth.  My sister and brother and I spent large blocks of time being cared for by our grandparents and we did suffer some neglect, though nothing so serious that it posed any kind of a threat.   We missed our mother and the abortion took her and our sibling from us.

She is not ready to discuss this episode of her life with anyone.  She told me that she divulged it to one psychiatrist whom she trusted.  Knowing that she was a Catholic, he recommended that she confess it to a priest.  She did and she received absolution, however, it was not enough for her.  She has since dwelled upon the sin and never healed.  She will not come with me to the Entering Canaan ministry’s Day of Prayer and Healing.  She is not ready.

Abortion hurts women, it hurts families and it destroys lives.  My undeveloped sibling had his or her short existence destroyed.  The tragedy is multiplied manifold by the destruction of my mother’s health and my family’s loss of having a whole person to raise us.  I have no hatred or resentment for my mother, as I am sure that she worried would be the case.  I cannot judge her, having committed the act myself, knowingly and with premeditation.  I grieve for her loss, so great and unfathomable.  A lifetime swept away with guilt, wasted and unforgiven.  I pray for peace and quiet to embrace her soul and the soul of my lost sibling and I pray for their joyous reunion in an eternity of love and forgiveness.  Meanwhile, I wait for her, in His time, to accompany me on my journey of redemption.

~James

Suffering from a past abortion yourself or a sibling of an aborted baby? Call Lumina -877 586 4621

Mary Magdalene Stood In The Truth Before Jesus

"God can impart Himself only in the truth about ourselves that we discover and accept. Therefore, in order for His mercy to be poured out upon us, we must choose to stand on the foundation of truth."  

Here is an explanation of the painting.

What Love Really Means!

 

Nick is on a roll! :)

 

Day of Prayer & Healing

Retreat day today...please pray for those attending....