Reclaiming Our Children

Social Abortion

There is a saying that the Elliot Institute uses that I find to be so true, that many women are socially aborted before they ever step foot into a clinic.

Threats of rejection by boyfriends, spouses, family members, and friends are often the motivating factors in making the decision to abort. Thoughts of abandonment and alienation by loved ones, often too painful to bear, make it seem easier to choose between those familiar and an unborn child never seen, or easier to believe that the child does not even exist yet.

But, the reality of abortion sets in with birthdays never celebrated, hugs never given or received, anniversary dates, and an ever-present void surrounded with guilt, shame, and grief.

Social abortion however, does not end with the death of the unborn child.  As “OK” as abortion is supposed to be, it still carries a stigma. No one likes to speak of it unless it is in broad terms or political ones - defense or objection to abortion itself - but speaking about the personal pain of abortion is avoided like the plague. People are just not comfortable with it. Inside their hearts everyone knows that a life of an innocent has been taken.

I have gotten into “discussions” with well meaning prolifers who feel a need to remind those of us who are post abortive of the severity of our sin. I have seen the use of saying such as “abortion is homicide" and “abortion is murder” do more harm than good. Many find it condemning and judgmental. I have been chided for speaking out against using those phrases, being told to be careful or else I will “turn some pro lifers off."  But, I wonder how many souls are being killed by those very same words?

Sometimes the prevalent message still seems to be “we know better than you…let us do this.” I have come to find that is not true. The aborting of women by both sides is just as lethal, perhaps even more so, because it kills the soul, the life source to living in heaven.

“Freaky Ally” wrote to me once. She was 15 years old, distraught over an abortion her mother made her have. I kept thinking of Ally seeing someone wearing a t-shirt with “abortion is homicide" on it.  I think it would be enough to send her over the edge. No one needs to remind her she killed her child. She lives with it each day. It is her baby that she will never hold in this life.

I have also been told that it is not the responsibility of pro lifers to guard speech for post abortive people because they need to proclaim the evil of abortion. Perhaps they need to be reminded of the magnitude of people abortion effects. Everyone knows someone, everyone is touched, post abortive people are everywhere. While the evil of abortion always needs to be proclaimed, the way in which it is needs to be considered.

The killing of life can come in many forms. Although abortion can never be justified and is always wrong, the killing of hope or the life of a soul is also offensive to God. Perhaps before passing judgment on others, we need to look at whom we are aborting in their hearts.

2.3 Percent

Yesterday, Reuters highlighted a new Governmental Report which found that "2.3% of Americans are either gay, lesbian or bisexual and that these men and women were twice as likely to experience serious anxiety, self destructive habits, and binge drinking than their straight peers."

I certainly have compassion for those who are suffering.  I can aslo sympathize with their pain, having lived with serious anxiety and self destructive behavior for years.

The report makes me wonder, however, how it is that the government can confirm data on this 2.3% while continuing to deny the devastating effects of abortion on women no matter how many of us say we experienced it, no matter how many of us say we still experience it? How is it that having serious anxiety, negative behaviors, and addictions are acknowledged for other groups, but  continue to be denied and deemed unacceptable when the same serious trauma results from having participated in the death of your unborn child ?

Just yesterday, I received a call from a young women in distress because she felt all alone in her feelings. Like many women who have had an abortion, she felt there was something wrong with her because she was experiencing anxiety and depression. The message still out there after all these years is that there is no such thing as post abortion stress despite thousands upon thousands of women who prove otherwise. Thank God we are finding each other.

When I read supposed "results" from pro choice studies that deny post abortive feelings, keeping in mind that the pro choice organizations have performed some actual research, I'm always left wondering why organizations like ours, or Silent No More, or Operation Outcry, where thousands of women have gone to express thier anxiety are never included.  But, then, I come back to the reality that political correctness mandates results instead of true research when it comes to abortion.

Keeping quiet about the percentage of women experiencing negative effects of abortion - percentages that would be exponentially higher than 2.3% - definately part of the real war on women.

Would My Name Have Been the Same?

 “Would my name have been the same?”

“Would I even be here?”

“Did my parents want me?

These are just a few of the haunting questions asked by many siblings of aborted babies, questions that they are often afraid to ask out loud for fear they too may have been seen as “unwanted."

"Unwanted” is a word they identify with all too often because that is what society leads us to believe about aborted babies, but we know this is not the truth. Most babies are aborted not because the mom feels as though she had a choice, but because she feels as if she had no choice. She wants her baby desperately, but is made to feel that it is impossible for her to continue her pregnancy, and so she caves in to whatever the pressures may be.

It is hard for siblings of aborted babies to understand this. They also have no idea of how the abortion is impacting the relationship they have with their parents. Perhaps they feel distant and unloved because their parent is afraid to bond because she feels she does not deserve a child, or that somehow she will hurt them.

Maybe their parent is overprotective, fearful of all they do because they are afraid God will punish them and take their child away. There are countless ways abortion impacts the parent/child relationship.

It is hard for a child to understand when they see a parent suffering with constant depression because of an abortion they may not know about.

It is hard for them to believe that they are loved and wanted sometimes.

We at Lumina are so blessed, along with The Friars of the Renewal, to offer “Entering Canaan” retreat days for siblings of aborted babies. We have been privileged for the past five years, to share in the hearts of those who seek to heal and understand the deception of abortion on so many families. With over 55 million abortions in our country, countless numbers of people are missing a sibling through abortion.

One participant in a recent retreat shared,

‘It was an incredible gift to join you all for the weekend. Thank you again for creating and hosting the weekend. The word that keeps coming to mind for me re the weekend is "tenderness"--the healing and encouragement of Christ was offered with such tenderness. Thank you. I've been longing for this kind of healing and community acknowledgment since I was 11 years old!” Laura

It is our hope, that through this outreach, we will continue to touch those suffering and help them understand what has happened and learn that their lives are valuable, the mistakes of others do not define who they are, their worth, or their dignity.  We pray to be able to help them see themselves as Father Mariusz and I, and most importantly God, sees each one of them - wonderful  gifts that are loved beyond measure by Him who brought them into being and longs for their peace and happiness.

Next spring we are excited to be offering our first retreat weekend for postabortive siblings in the Washington, DC area. Please check back for more details and spread the word as God's mercy reaches out and touches the hearts of those missing the embrace of a brother or sister.

Choosing Divine Mercy

My first article on Aleteia

Jesus has already atoned for our sins, and he's inviting us to accept his forgiveness and love.

There is a beautiful Eucharist Prayer in the Roman Missal that says this: “God of love and mercy, You are always ready to forgive, we are sinners and You invite us to trust in Your mercy.” He does not force us. He invites us. He tells us that his mercy is there for us, and it is up to us to accept his invitation.

Mary had been to confession multiple times before she came to our “Entering Canaan” post-abortion ministry retreat. She often shared, “I have confessed my abortion so many times, but I just do not feel forgiven.” Because of various circumstances in her life, Mary had not been able to trustingly accept the mercy of God.

It is not unusual for someone who has been involved in an abortion to voice those feelings despite having received the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Many do not “feel” that they’ve been forgiven. In fact, in my experience, most Catholics who have lost a child in an abortion will confess this sin again and again. So much of what we believe as human beings is based on our feelings or past experiences. But feelings and experiences are not reliable guides to the truth.

Being forgiven and “feeling” forgiven are two very different things.

The rest is here

The Walk of Faith in Healing

Suppose someone told you that it is a matter of life or death that you must walk through a tunnel of darkness in order to come to the light of life on the other side. The only other option would be to live in pain and destruction with no escape.

 No one you could see or feel could walk through it with you, but you are promised this person would be at your disposal. You would be able to speak to them and they would help you combat any obstacles you may face.

It would take a lot of trust in that persons love and care for your welfare to begin the journey. Maybe you do not know that person well, perhaps, you’ve heard of them in a superficial way and know that they have aided others, but you have no personal relationship with them.

 So, how do you trust? One step at a time. As you slowly move through, and learn through each step, that the person can be trusted, you begin to trust more, to take the next step, and the next. Soon, even though walking through danger, you come to believe you will, with the help of that person, come out of the other side safely.

 Walking in a tunnel of darkness is a difficult thing for anyone. Our senses are off balance and we have no control over our fate. Every step is full of fear. We are afraid of imminent danger. We don’t know what is before us. We imagine all the possibilities we are most afraid of creeping up on us and destroying us. There may be something ahead that causes us to fall, or more frightening there may be ghosts of our past lurking in the distance waiting to do us harm.

 This walk is especially difficult for those post abortive that have oftentimes experienced complete isolation and abandonment. It takes a courage, found out of desperation, a belief that it is worth the risk, to come to the end of the pain. A trust in the merciful love of Jesus Christ our Savior and guide through the journey.

  

It is frightening, but what is the choice? Do we proceed, or do we choose to live out our lives in pain and the agony we have been experiencing? To do so would be to live our lives without love.

Take a risk, one step at a time…He will not abandon you!

Abortion & Relationships

 

Scrupulous?

Since many people who have experienced abortion also are scrupulous, I thought I would post this article almost 30 years old from Liguori Publications that still fits the bill!

Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous
Rev. Thomas M. Santa, C.SS.R.

 

This is a perfect time to review the Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous, first proposed by Father Don Miller, C.SS.R., almost thirty years ago. These commandments have frequently appeared in the SA bulletin and previous directors have referred to them. Many of you have also referred to them as being very helpful.

As we review the commandments, I will state the commandment as proposed by Father Don, and then follow it with a short commentary. I would like to give credit to both Father Dan Lowery and Father Pat Kaler for any comments that I might suggest in commentary. For my reflections I have relied on their wisdom and direction as it has been collected over the years in the pages of SA.

The first three commandments refer to the celebration of the sacrament of reconciliation and to the confession of sins. They contain a great deal of practical wisdom for the scrupulous.

1. You shall not repeat a sin in confession when it has been confessed in a previous confession, even when there is a doubt that it was confessed or a doubt that it was confessed in a sufficiently adequate and complete way.

Almost every scrupulous person experiences anxiety and doubt about past sins. Older people have a natural tendency to reflect back on their younger years, and in doing so, often remember something that triggers a doubt. More often than not, such a doubt has to do with impure thoughts, desires, or actions. As a result of the combination of remembering and doubting, it is not unusual that the scrupulous person then experiences great anxiety and is robbed of a sense of peace. This is why this first commandment is so very important: Do not go back over past sins and do not repeat the confession of them! Such an exercise is not at all helpful and must be resisted.

2. You shall not confess doubtful sins in confession, but only sins that are clear and certain.

Of all of the correspondence that I receive, I would say that this issue is the one that occurs most often. "What does a person do if they are not sure that they committed a sin?" For this reason, this is a very important commandment to remember because it clearly states the truth: Doubtful sins don't count! There is no need to confess something that does not clearly and certainly exist. In fact, it is harmful to one's self to confess that which is doubtful. Again, such a practice is not at all helpful and must be resisted.

Now I can almost hear some of you saying, "I am not sure if I doubt that I sinned or if I am just trying to fool myself to believe that I am doubting that I sinned." This thought in itself demonstrates that you are in fact doubting and so, therefore, the commandment comes into play: You shall not confess doubtful sins.

Here is the rest!

Be Still

"Be Still and Know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

 

I do not know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time staying "still" in suffering. There is a part of me that continues to act on my emotions, or change a situation. It is something I have had trouble with all of my life and has often hurt me more than the original suffering. The clinging to my will instead of His. Part of this I know is a reaction to the loss of control I felt at the time of my abortion. The abandonment, the fear, et cetera. There is, at times, an inability to let go of things that I cannot control recognizing and trusting God is allowing them for a reason.

I am now more conscience of my patterns. I try not to act on my emotions which often are raging in times of deep hurt or what I perceive as an injustice.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but with the help of God  I am learning more to “be still” in the midst of these times and recognize all that is really important is my relationship with God and doing His will.

I have also learned that it is okay to lament to God who hears our prayers and sees the truth of any situation. That is why it was so nice to read Pope Francis’ words, “lamenting suffering is a form of prayer and is not a sin.”

Still, I must work at bringing my emotions to God and then to “be still," trusting in Him and His love for me. It is not easy letting go, (something we often have to do in order to be still), especially of things close to our heart. It is a struggle, a dying to self, and some days it is easier than others, but when we do get the grace, it is totally freeing and allows us to cling to God alone, who knows our hearts, loves us, and longs to fill us with His life.

So, in the midst of suffering, whether it be in healing from your abortion or something totally different, although you may not “feel” it,  thank God for the suffering with which He is purifying you and bringing you closer to healing and His heart!

I Couldn’t Turn My Abortion Into Art

"Or, at least, it stopped the physical pain. The begging cabdriver and the woman on her ninth abortion and the shocking suction in my womb: It was too traumatic for me to make art of. Or maybe it was just that I wasn’t a good enough artist to transform that level of trauma into something that others could learn from and use. I had been taught that a woman’s right to choose was the most important thing to fight for, but I hadn’t known what a brutal choice it was."

Below is an opinion piece from the NYT. The author says she is now over it and I give her credit for being honest, but the truth is, the pain is still there or she would not be writing about it. She says she would not want a 20 year old, but you have to wonder if she had met that child would she love it any less than the ones she had now? No. Easy to justify, but again, honest with her feelings. Hopefully, her children will learn to respect themselves enough never to be put in that position.

I Couldn't Turn My Abortion Into Art
Lisa Selin Davis
July 2, 2014

I had just turned 22 and I had the self-esteem of a squashed toad. This may explain why I was having an affair with a married 36-year-old sound mixer whom I’d met on a film shoot a couple of months earlier.

I’d had only one serious boyfriend by this time and recently had been asked for the first time, “Can I buy you a drink?” by a man. (He was an actor in a film I’d worked on the summer before; he asked everybody that question, but still it felt like progress.) Somehow, by that tender age, I had convinced myself that I should take what I could get. So I took the married sound mixer.

And then, a few months later, I rolled out of bed at an unreasonably early hour and vomited.

This didn’t seem as big a problem to me as it might have for other young women. This was the mid-1990s. Reared on protest marches, I had a NOW poster affixed to my bedroom wall. I was an unwavering believer in the fierce rhetoric of pro-choice. And now: a poster child.

In addition, in college I had essentially majored in experimental feminist video. I could make art out of anything.

Read the rest here.

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University of Chicago Under Fire for So-Called "Abortion Guide"

From Cosmopolitan magazine comes another example of the total disconnect and denial of the pain experienced by millions of people who have participated in abortion.

"The University of Chicago is embroiled in controversy after publishing, more or less, a how-to abortion guide, reports The College Fix.

The guide — a project of the Section of Family Planning and Contraceptive Research, the Center for Interdisciplinary Inquiry and Innovation in Sexual and Reproductive Health (Ci3), and the Urban Initiative of the National Institute for Reproductive Health — is meant for health care and social service providers, not students. Should a student consider terminating a pregnancy, said a spokesperson for the college, she would go to the university health center for information.

Nevertheless, Illinois pro-lifers are unsurprisingly up in arms about the guide, particularly its dismissive attitude toward crisis pregnancy centers. The guide claims that these centers give out false information that abortion can lead to suicide and "post-abortion stress disorder." Executive director of Illinois Right to Life Emily Zender writes on Illinois Right To Life website, 'The University of Chicago’s Abortion Guide is inaccurate information, hypocrisies, inadequately researched studies, and attempts to dissuade women from seeking all healthcare options available.'

Read the rest of Zender's response to the "abortion guide" here.