It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love. An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on to the cross with Christ - there to join mercy with faithfulness.
I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else and I longed to be healed. The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to lose… there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.
I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, in spite of me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach a complete surrender.
There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, to resist my temptations and bouts with despair. There were times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, and the strength to hang on.
I continually pleaded for the saints' intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.
And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.
There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stain.
To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt," it is possible. Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us. We in our faithfulness need to persevere.
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