Reclaiming Our Children

Waves of Regret

I am sorry. How many times have I said that to myself, in prayer, in confession, the pang of regret that hits you? I learned to shove it aside. To try to bury it, but it doesn’t stay buried.

Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, all special events, would stir the memory of a horrible decision I made when I was 19 years old. Old enough to know, but, still so young.

Then, denial. Maybe it didn’t happen, maybe she wasn’t pregnant, or it wasn’t wrong. It’s not illegal. Everybody is doing it! Then, the pang of regret hits again, maybe with a dream or seeing a child laugh or cry. It gets stirred up again.

I thought I was alone. I would never think of talking about those dark feelings that lived inside me.

Then, I took that step of healing. I attended the Men’s Healing Day and my life has not been the same. I am still a work in progress, but I know now that God has forgiven me and I am learning to deal with the reality of what I did.

I still get pangs of regret, they will never go away, but now I have God’s mercy on my side. I will never again go to that dark place in my past and in my mind.

I can see now that yes, I did make a terrible mistake, but Jesus is holding and protecting my beautiful daughter and one day I will be able to hold her also.

God is a loving and forgiving God. We have to love and forgive ourselves,

I am trying to do that, and with help from Lumina, I will continue to keep on trying.

Bob Filitore

In Thanksgiving

Being Grateful

I am so grateful to those who have come to Entering Canaan and shared their hearts with us and mostly to God for HIs mercy and love and forgiveness in giving  healing

Just thought I would share this again today...

 

In Thanksgiving

 “I have only my sins and You love me Lord.” (“In The Arms of Mary” - S.C. Beila)

I am a sinner. There is no questioning that. Always before my eyes is the picture of my unborn son lying dead on the bed next to me as a result of a saline abortion I was coerced into by my father when I was a teenager. Horrific? You bet.

One thought of Joshua, so etched in my mind, and I am reminded that I deserve only hell, that I am indeed the worst sinner some find pleasure in calling me. I am also keenly aware that there is nothing I can ever do to make up for my abortion. No amount of prayer or good works, nothing.

The sin of my abortion is the easy one to see, but I am learning that I commit many other sins that I may not be as aware of.  Sins such as holding on to resentment and bitterness because of a hurt, refusing to let go, justifying it over and over in my head. Or the lack of patience and compassion I may have for someone in need, as I remain self centered, not giving their life the dignity it deserves. I could go on and on and still barely scratch the surface.

The image of my son, although some may find this hard to understand, was a great gift to me. It did not allow me to live in rationalization or justification. As they say,”my sin is always before me,” but so is my gratitude. Not of course, that I participated in abortion which is always wrong, but that I cannot fool myself into thinking I am holy or deserving, I know full well what a sinner I am, but also that although I cannot make up for my sin, I do not have to because Jesus Christ already has.

All of this has caused me to know something else, the depths of God’s love and mercy.  I recognize the gift of Himself to me, in the deepest recesses of my heart, beyond human understanding and human failings. That place of intimacy that no person or thing can take from me because I am fully aware of what He has done for me in healing.  So, when someone calls me names, they do not have the power to hurt me because it is true, (although only God can judge and it certainly is not a way to bring people back to Him). I am grateful for this knowledge, because from that truth I also know the boundless love and mercy of God. I know I am nothing but a sinner without His grace, capable of any sin and I know I need Him to do any good.

And so, it is in the depths of that wound, that evil, horrific place, where I met His mercy that causes me to sing His praises for the love He has shown me and to let others know that love and mercy are waiting for them so that they too may sing His praise and thank Him for knowing they are sinners.

Despair Prayer

Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others.
Other people will glorify You
by making visible the power of Your grace
by their fidelity and constancy to You.
For my part I will glorify You
by making known how good You are to sinners,
that Your mercy is boundless
and that no sinner no matter how great his offences
should have reason to despair of pardon.
If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer,
let me not offend You even more
by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me.

St. Claude de la Colombiere

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Are you living in darkness and depression after an abortion?
Unable to get past the pain of your loss?
There is Hope.  There is Healing.  There is a way out of the darkness.
Email us at [email protected] or call us at 1-877-586-4621 or 1-718-881-8008

My Abortion

This is a video I did for Julie Woodley of Restoring the Heart Ministries a few years ago for a film she was taping on abortion.  As we were filming Julie was asking me things (which you cannot hear on the tape). I do not remember what they were now, but I do remember she was able to put me back in that place I was when I had my abortion over 40 years ago.

Most people just know me from my ministry work and are not familiar with my personal experience except if I give testimony which I do not do as often in the ten years, but as you can see below, my heart understands all too well the pain and grief of abortion....

 

Workshops & Trainings

Did you know that Lumina offers a variety of workshops and trainings in post-abortion healing?

Reaching Out with Compassion to those in Your Families, Churches, and Communities
Concrete applications in reaching out to those we know are suffering from the aftermath of abortion in our communities, churches, and families.  Dynamic interaction in learning to be an instrument of Mercy to those we know who suffer from abortion. How language can bring a message of either mercy or condemnation. 

Post Abortive Training for Priests
Theresa Bonopartis, along with Rev. Mariusz Koch, CFR, or Rev. George Stewart, give an overview of post abortion stress, perceptions of God for those suffering, and practical applications for the clergy such as reaching out in homilies, and penance in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Adverse Diagnosis Workshop
“Special Considerations When Providing Support to Post-Abortive Couples who Experienced Prenatal Diagnosis" Presenter: Theresa Bonopartis, Director of Lumina Ministry & Co-Developer of "Entering Canaan" Retreats and "An Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance"
This workshop will provide information concerning the false compassion of "medical interruption of pregnancy" abortions following an adverse prenatal diagnosis, common coping strategies, and the implications for healing.

The Impact of Abortion on Relationships
Presenter: Theresa Bonopartis, Director of Lumina Ministry & Co-Developer of "Entering Canaan" Retreats and "An Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance"
This workshop will provide information concerning the impact of abortion on couples and the dynamic it brings to relationships, from dating to engagements to marriage as well as adverse diagnosis while offering suggestions on how to heal and truly become “one."

The Effect of Abortion on Siblings
Lumina has, for the past five years, sponsored "Entering Canaan" sibling retreats in the Archdiocese of New York with attendees from across the country. This workshop increases awareness of the many ways in which abortion impacts living siblings and offers concrete ways in which to assist in their healing as well as resources.

Entering Canaan Post Abortion Ministry
As co-developer of the "Entering Canaan" post abortion ministry, Theresa is available to train on its implementation. Separate post abortion retreats are held for women, men, siblings, and those who have aborted a baby due to an adverse diagnosis.

For more information or to book any of these workshops or trainings, please contact Theresa Bonopartis at 877-586-4621 or [email protected].

To Everything There Is a Season

To Everything There Is a Season

 To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Yesterday, I took my younger son, Michael, to the airport. He is a recon Marine and was home on pre-deployment leave. By month’s end he will be in Fallujah. During his visit, we were notified a good friend of his, LCpl Michael Glover, was killed by a sniper in Iraq. As we attended the services and mourned the loss, we also made a point to enjoy our time as a family, knowing Glover would want nothing less, and feeling as though he were smiling down upon us, making us cherish our time together even more.

Of course, as a mom, I held my son tight and cried when I left him at the airport. Like any son, he does not want me to worry about him, but I know he worries about me and how I will do while he is gone. I tell him I will be fine, “No one ever died from being sad or crying. It is a part of life. Some things are scary and some are sad. I am sure I will worry but that’s ok to feel. I know, with the help of God, I will make it through.”

Today we live in a “quick fix” society. We have gotten to the point that even when sad things happen we are not allowed to mourn. We have an endless supply of drugs at our disposal to cover up our emotions, and many people believe there is something wrong with them if they feel anything but happy. It is as if there are acceptable and unacceptable emotions.

I have heard many people, some in my own family, speak about how they do not want to be a “burden” to their children when they get old. We complain about the self centeredness of the younger generation and yet our society actively promotes the idea of being a burden.

We have taken away the opportunity to learn and grow in love through self sacrifice, instead creating a “if it feels good do it” mentality. In the case of abortion, many have run far from their feelings, partly because of their own denial and partly because no one wants to deal with the emotions it produces. It is just too painful. I often describe it as the elephant in the living room that everyone is pretending does not exist. We fight against our “negative” emotions as if we were waging a war, and yet, the happiness we seek, in spite of our best efforts evades us because we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge the pain. We want the joy of love, but not the pain that often comes with it. We want healing, but we do not want to do the work of healing; we just want it to happen. We have lost a sense of commitment, through the good times and the bad. We have lost a sense of being fully human, fully alive, with all of our emotions and thoughts.

As Ecclesiastics tells us, “to everything there is a season...a time to weep, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance...” As we watch the leaves fall this autumn season, may we, too, empty ourselves like the trees and allow our emotions to be felt, trusting God that when spring arrives, we will be free to feel the joy of new life in our souls. –Theresa Bonopartis (reprint 2006)

Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance to Heal Wounds of Abortion

It was a beautiful "Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance" on Saturday, November 15th at St. Anastasia's in Harriman, NY, interceding for all those touched by abortion, the mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, friends, clergy, doctors... all of us.

The APR was begun close to ten years ago to not only show the wide spectrum of those impacted by abortion, but above all to intercede for their healing. It has been an amazing year as more and more dioceses request the service, bringing many to God's merciful love and forgiveness!

Thank you Genevive Mende, Fr. Mike Kean, and Sr. Josita for the beautiful music, and all those (and I know there were  alot) who helped in so many ways and made the service at St. Anastasia's  so wonderful!

Interested in hosting an Afternoon of Prayerful Remembrance at your parish?  Click here for more information.

Prayer Service

Faith