« December 2014 | Main | February 2015 »
"The increasing presence of Christ in you should be passed on to others. Through Baptism you have been called to pass on to others that by which you live. [...] You are in the 'royal priesthood,' you should announce everywhere your love of Him, who called us out of the darkness into His wonderful light."
(The Gift of Faith, Third Edition, pg. 180)
| | |
|
Every once in a while, I like to give this memorial, "A Cry Without a Voice," a shout out. It holds a tender place in my heart. It may be because my son’s shoes have been a part of it since its beginning. I don't know, but it tugs at my heart because it makes the lives of our kids tangible on an individual basis. Whatever the reason, a big thank you to Rebecca Porter for being the guardian of this beautiful way of memorializing our children!
| | |
|
Been doing this "March for Life" thing for over 25 years with the exception of 2 or 3 years due to illness or a death in the family. The event has changed a lot. It used to be much more penitential and prayerful. While of course there is still much prayer and penance, it has also become more of a way to support one another and to rejuvenate us all in our attempts to protect the dignity of each human life.
I will be heading down to D.C. today for the rest of the week, where I am looking forward to seeing and praying with friends and connecting with new people. I also am hoping to spread the word about our post-abortive sibling weekend.
One thing I love is to see are all the young people standing for life, and the shirts and signs with their messages. So far, this shirt from a couple of years ago continues to be my favorite. I cannot remember were this guy is from, but it says so much in so few words.
Please keep the safety of everyone in your prayers. May many hearts and minds be moved, many souls be healed, and God's will be done!
| | |
|
"We need to ask ourselves, have we learned how to weep, ... "If you don't learn how to cry, you can't be good Christians. This is a challenge." Pope Francis
Seems like crying has been given a bad name in our society. It is seen as a sign of weakness, or of not being okay. It has gotten lost in our "if it feels good do it" world...if it hurts or is sad it cannot be good.
In the end, crying is healthy...it is the appropriate response to many events in life . Oftentimes women tell me they cannot stop crying about their abortions. Sometimes these women have kept their feelings bottled up for decades, living in denial of the loss of their child because they have been told it is politically incorrect to feel this loss. But abortion i s a loss, a huge loss of a child and mourning that child is a healthy step in the healing process.
Pope Francis in his visit to the Phillipines speaks about learning how to weep. We have become many times, so shut off to our emotions, so dead to our feelings, we are hard of heart. This is unhealthy and adds to the coldness of our society. Grant it, sometimes we need to go on automatic pilot to deal with a trauma in order to survive, but step by step it is good and healthy to come face to face with our feelings, to grieve our loss or express our hurts.
Crying for our aborted children is a good thing. Not 24/7 but in doses...it moves us to new life...to Christ and healing. Don't be afraid to weep in sorrow and repentance...don't be afraid to mourn your children.
"Thus says the Lord, Cease your cries of mourning, wipe the tears from your eyes. The sorrow you have shown shall have its reward… there is hope for your future." (Jeremiah)
| | |
|
“Real love is about loving and letting yourself be loved. It’s harder to let yourself be loved than to love. That is why it is so difficult to come to the perfect love of God. We can love Him but we must let ourselves be loved by Him. Real love is being open to the love that comes to you. The love that surprises us. If you only have information you are not surprised.” Pope Francis
"It is harder to let yourself be loved than to love". These were words spoken by Pope Francis recently, on his trip to the Phillipines. I immediately thought of so many women and men I have met in post abortion ministry who struggle with this. Many of us have.
If we allow God to love us, really love us, then we are called out of ourselves. We are called to love ourselves.Who are we not to if God loves us? And yet loving ourselves means forgiving ourselves and opening ourselves to His love means we need to change. We ar e no longer allowed to stay in what we perceive as a comfortable place even if it a place of suffering. Even more importantly,through accepting this love we are called to give our hearts to others! A scary prospect for many who have suffered abortion.
Sadly, many chose to stay stagnant because of this fear. What they may have thought was love led to abortion, or they even believe that by allowing themselves to be loved and loving themselves somehow they are going to forget their children. Happiness and love are not allowed. But that is not God's way.
"Real love is being open to the love that comes to you. The love that surprises us." This love calls us out of ourselves to partake of the bigger picture.
I can clearly remember in my healing it was so hard to allow anyone to do anything for me. I had been abandoned by those I thought loved me, I did not want to need anyone. Somehow I thought this woul d keep me safe. It was terrifying and very difficult for me to allow anyone to help me in any way. As I grew in my healing and my love of God I began to recognize it was as important, even more important for me to learn how to allo w others to help me. To allow them th e opportunity to grow in love by helping me. This in turn humbled me and allowed me to want to help other more and in turn grow in love of others and myself. The selfless love of God not the self centered "love" of abortion.
Holding on to self hate, refusing love because you do not feel worthy are not signs of humility. In fact, it is just the opposite. Humility calls us to see ourselves in truth. Are we sinners? Yes. Do we deserve God's help and mercy? NO. Which make it all the more beautiful and urgse us on to show others this same love and mercy to others
Yes, “Real love is about loving and letting yourself be loved". It is about accepting the forgiveness and mercy of Jesus Christ, not because we deserve it but because we don't!
That is the amazing thing about real love.
| | |
|
"Being the Divine Physician, our Redeemer alone can heal us from our sins. If, full of hope, we continue to persevere in bringing to Him all the different aspects of our misery, then one day the moment will arrive when He will bend over us in response to our trustful begging for healing, finally uniting with us completely." GOD Alone Suffices, p. 71
It is hard to forget the beginnings of my healing. I did not have a personal relationship with God at all. I felt as though I was walking blindly, desperately wanting to believe that God’s desire was to heal me.
As hard as it was for me to internalize it, I went on the word of a priest I had grown to trust, and found myself daily in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, challenging Jesus to live up to His promises and to bring me healing from my abortion. I like to say I “haunted” Him.
Here is one of the many poems I wrote in that time almost 30 years ago:
3/86
I’m searching the dark to find you Lord,
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
The Church tells me…
Friends tell me…
You must be there.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
You must be there.
I felt you Lord.
One time for days.
It was wonderful. They were right.
I’m searching in the dark to find you Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
I can’t find you Lord.
My heart is hard.
Please help me to find you Lord…I’m lost.
I’m praying in the dark to find your Lord.
Where are you?
I know you’re there.
Ah, my heart has opened.
There you are, right beside me.
I couldn’t feel you without your love.
I’m praying in the light to stay with you Lord.
Here you are.
With me,
In me.
Please help me to stay with you
So other can find you in me, and them,
As I found you in them, and myself…
I love the above passage from “God Alone Suffices”, a book by one of my favorite spiritual authors, SC Beila. I know what he said is true because I experienced what he is speaking of. Alone in the bathroom one night, begging for His mercy, healing came. It is this healing that allows me to do this work. A healing that trusts totally in Him and not myself. A healing which gives me confidence and strength because it is grounded in the One who touched me. A healing that not only showed me what a sinner I was, am, and always will be, but what a Redeemer Jesus is and how He desires to bestow His mercy on us.
Here is something I wrote after my healing:
It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love. An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.
I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else and I longed to be healed. The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to loose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.
I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, in spite of me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach a complete surrender.
There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.
I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.
And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.
There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.
To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt”, it is possible. Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.
TB
As we continue to reach out to those suffering I know that this mercy is there for each one of us no matter what our sins. May His merciful heart touch each of you this day!
| | |
|
Today is the anniversary of the death of my dad..thought I would share a reflection I wrote at the time...
A reflection from 2005
“Love One Another as I have Loved you”
I just buried my dad this past January. Those of you who know of my story will remember that he was very instrumental in my abortion. My dad had disowned me when he learned that I was pregnant. I was a teenager and found myself in a situation with no money, no job and no place to live. Once out of the house, he pressured me to abort my baby and little by little my resolve was chipped away until I finally gave in. I felt there was no “choice”.
It was 2 years before my dad and I spoke again. The abortion was never mentioned. On the outside, it was as if it had never happened, although inside I am sure it was never far from either of our minds. One of the hardest parts of my own healing was letting go of the anger and rage I had for my father, and learning to deal with the deep issues of abandonment.
My abortion affected so many areas of my life. It was as if a poison were running through my veins. I will always remember one day when my brother in law who was visiting at the time turned to me and said, “Theresa, you need to let go of your anger, you need to forgive him or it is going to kill you.” I knew he was right, but somehow holding onto to the anger meant holding on to my son.
Many years later, through my conversion and post abortion counseling; I finally found peace with God, my unborn child and myself, however, things with my dad were still a struggle. It was as if this huge monster was present in our relationship and we were both ignoring it even though it was blocking our view. I truly wanted reconciliation, so I began to pray a novena to Our Lady of Czestochowa for my dad’s conversion. A part of me was still waiting for an “I’m sorry”…I can remember my sister telling me “Don’t wait, you are never going to get it…he still thinks he did not do anything wrong.” How was that possible? At times I had to resist the urge to scream at him and let him know how I saw his dead grandson on the bed next to me…how could he not be sorry?
Through the years different situations would make me angry with him again and I found I had to decide to forgive him all over again…with each new experience I would feel like giving up on him. He was so stubborn and unrepentant, but through the grace of God and good spiritual direction I was able to continue. I will never forget the day when my spiritual director hit me with these lines “Allow your father to make you a saint…don’t confront him with the abortion. Let him teach you forgiveness, let him teach you patience, let him teach you understanding and humility.” I can remember walking out of the friary and thinking...”Oh my gosh, how will I ever be able to do that? You are asking too much of me…how can you expect that after what he did.” But I left and prayed and prayed for the grace to do just that because I knew that was what God wanted of me.
It was not easy…many times over the years I wanted to scream at him and he tried my patience on many occasions, but as much as I was tempted to stop I continued the daily novena for almost 20 years.
In the end, Our Lady of Czestochowa came through. My dad received the sacraments for the first time in over 60 years and was anointed the day before his death. I am so grateful to God, not only for my father’s salvation, but for mine. In the end, God not only used me as an instrument to bring my dad back to the church, but He used my dad to bring me closer to His heart. The lessons of patience, and forgiveness my dad taught me are things I will reflect on for a long time to come. Instead of focusing on his failings, I was forced to look at my own weaknesses. I learned not to blame but to understand more deeply that we are all sinners in need of His mercy and as we have been forgiven, we are all called to show that mercy to others. One of the last conversations I had with my dad, was to ask him to give my son Joshua a hug for me when they met. The miracles and mysteries of faith…
Colossians 1:13-15
“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption and the forgiveness of sins. “
Rest in peace dad.
| | |
|
One of my favorite passages from the diary of St. Faustina, "Divine Mercy in My Soul," is one that saw me through many days of my own healing and a great reminder of the mercy and love God has for each one of us no matter what our sins.
"(Let) the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy, delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to my compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy." (Diary 1146)
It has been over 42 years since the Supreme Court decision of Roe vs. Wade which made abortion legal. Since then, over 56 million unborn babies have died here in the United States. Hard to wrap our minds around that figure isn’t it? 56 million.
Over four decades later, abortion continues to be one of the most controversial issues in our society. My personal abortion story touched many people. My mother, my father, my sisters, my nieces, my future children, and that was just my side of the family. For over 30 years, it was the elephant in our living room that everyone pretended was not there, and that was just one abortion. Try to imagine the impact that 56 million abortions has had.
As much as the elephant lives in our living rooms, in the public square we cannot get away from the issue. If you turn on the TV or listen to the radio you are sure to hear something about it. It is a topic in the presidential debates, the focus of news shows, integrated in TV programs, movies, and music.
The proabortion side takes great pains trying to remove what they call the “stigma” of abortion. They want to blame the guilt, shame, and grief on anything other than the fact that you have taken the life of your child. Instead, they try to convince people they feel bad because of their religious guilt, or the ending of a relationship, as if participating in taking the life of your child was not reason enough to feel those things.
Sensing a turmoil and change of tide, they want to squash the truth and to cover it with more lies. They even go so far as to have “clergy” present in abortion mills baptizing children that have just been killed and comforting women as they lay there having their children killed. What evil, what deception.
It is easy to get caught up in it all and be immersed in the fight. While it is certainly important and good to act on these things by calling or writing and voicing our beliefs, we need to be careful we do not lose sight of what this is all about, namely, the salvation of souls.
Monsignor Reilly who began The Helpers of Gods Precious Infants, and who I believe is a living saint, put it this way, "We are called to be apostles of God mercy."
There is an amazing thing about post abortive healing. You do not have to do anything to earn it. It comes freely, an aspect that is hard to believe for those of us who participated in the death of our children.
The longing for forgiveness and acceptance can be huge after abortion. Feeling totally unforgivable and lost, we often will do anything to feel accepted and to “make up” for our sin. The bad news is there is nothing we can do to make up for our sin; the good news is we do not have to because Jesus Christ already has by dying on the cross.
One of my favorite parables in the Bible is of the woman caught in adultery. She is dragged out into the public who stand ready to condemn her and stone her to death. Then... Jesus, speaks, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:3-8). One by one, they disperse.
Even more beautiful to me is the fact that Jesus is so conscious of her shame and guilt that He keeps his eyes on the ground because He does not want to add to her pain. His compassion for her suffering, even though it was a result of her sins, speaks to the depths of His mercy and love for her."Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" he asks. She replies, "No one, sir." Then Jesus says, "Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin anymore."
That is the forgiveness Jesus gives her, and that is the forgiveness He gives us who are post abortive. He does not tell us, “You are forgiven, but you must speak out about how terrible abortion is,” or, “You are forgiven but, you have to stand in front of a clinic and pray,” or “You need to do 50 rosaries daily to make up for what you have done.” No, He tells us as he told her, “Go and sin no more."
The focus on abortion around the March for Life can be very difficult for those who have had one. It can feel as if a spotlight is shining on you. Let’s face it, the subject is everywhere. Whether it is sitting in their church pew feeling condemned in hearing about the evil of abortion while the forgiveness of God is not spoken of, or in the quest for acceptance, speaking out before they are ready, or perhaps caving in to unintentional pressure to participate in a clinic activity.
Of course, speaking out about the evil of abortion, or praying in front of clinics are not bad things, but they should not be done to “make up” for abortion. They are not prerequisites for forgiveness, for healing, or for acceptance.
Like the woman caught in adultery, may we be a sign of mercy and keep our eyes on the ground while offering compassion and healing freely. May we always be careful not to exploit those looking for acceptance, knowing the price for their sin has already been paid through the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
************
Are you living in darkness and depression after an abortion?
Unable to get past the pain of your loss?
There is Hope. There is Healing. There is a way out of the darkness.
sEmail us at [email protected]
Call us at 1-877-586-4621 or 1-718-881-8008
| | |
|