I must admit it has been weeks since I read about “Sister Apple, Sister Pig”, a supposed “children’s” book on aborted siblings by Mary Walling Blackburn. I had just come off of our weekend retreat for siblings of aborted babies dealing with the reality of the impact of abortion on surviving siblings when I first read it, and frankly, I was too angry to respond to this attempt at indoctrination.
As is the case with women and men, this book seeks to normalize the taking of the life of an unborn child, giving the clear message that the aborted baby is a “happy ghost” and to feel anything negative is unacceptable. It leaves no room for the very legitimate feelings that countless surviving siblings experience. I hope they file it under “fairy tales” in the library, because that is how unrealistic this story is.
Having worked with the reality of siblings suffering from a parents abortion for over five years now, it is hard to even know where to begin.
“Lee”, the child in the book is longing for and looking for the sister he knows he has lost because, “Mama and Papa could not keep her.” This is perhaps one of the only aspects of the book that is true. The “knowing” someone is missing and longing for their presence in your life.
According to Papa, Lee’s sister can be anything he chooses for her to be. We are told, he holds his son by the pond because he does not want him to drown knowing he is unable to swim.
What the book fails to mention here, is the confusion the child would feel. This person who is protecting him as a father, is the same person who participated in the taking of the life of his sibling. Try to make sense of that as a kid!
Then comes the totally unrealistic response of the child to his father’s question about being sad about the loss of his sibling.
“I’m not sad that my sister is a ghost! If you kept my sister, you would be tired, and sad, and mad!”
“Why?” wondered Papa.
“Because we would be wild and loud and sometimes we would fight. Mama might be scared that she could not buy enough food for us. Mama might not have enough time to read to me, to paint with me, to play with me, to talk with me....Hey! What are you doing with my stick?!”
Huh?
Papa acknowledges Lee is “confused”. He has good reason to be, a swarm of question are popping in his head.
- Was I wanted ?
- Why am I here and my sister is not?
- What will happen to me if Papa & Mama do not have enough time? Enough money? Etc
- I can’t voice my true feelings or they may abort me ?
- What do I do with the anger, grief, guilt etc I feel? I better hide it and keep it as a secret.
- What is my worth?
- Another sibling will not change the fact that I lost this one.
- We can all pretend it is okay, but what abut the true impact on our family?
In spite of the fact that we are told “Lee” is not sad (no permission here for that feeling), he has made his sister, into a “happy ghost” who sits with him when he is read to and comes and goes according to his needs.
Surviving siblings deserve more than a book like this no matter what age they are. They deserve to be able to voice the true feelings they are having, conflicting feeling of anger and protection of their parents, guilt, confusion, etc. They deserve to recognize their own dignity and worth as a child of God.
To base the worth of living on money, or time is a grave injustice and frankly a scary thought for children.
Luckily, with the help of God, abortions impact can have a fairytale ending in a real family. As they each acknowledge what has happened and try to understand why, facing all the emotions it invokes and dealing with it in a healthy way, there is hope.
That “hope” comes in the form of the forgiveness of God, who understands why we can do things, even of they are terribly wrong. Who touches us with His mercy, healing us of our wounds as a family, and allowing us to reclaim our aborted family member on a spiritual level, inviting them into our family.
If I had a chance I would tell Lee, “Your sister is not an apple or a pig, or even a happy ghost, she is a child made in the imagine and likeness of God who He loves her very much. You too, are made in that image and likeness of God and loved and valued just as much as she is. God has known you both before you were born and you are both precious in His site. He desires your peace and healing.
It is true, your sister is with you spiritually, waiting as you are for the time when you will be united in heaven as the family He intended. That is the fairytale ending of sibling surviors.”
