I get easily distracted. As much as I try to stop myself, I get caught up in the heat of abortion battles, no matter how many times I try to avoid it. It is human nature. We have such huge egos, without even wanting to, we think we are so important.
It takes a great deal of violence against my natural inclinations to concentrate instead on what God is asking of me today, at this moment.
What is it He would like me to do, and more importantly, do I trust in Him enough to know His hand is in everything and He desires the end to abortion even more than I do.
Sure, sometimes we are called to be involved in certain situations. After prayer and discernment, we may find God is actually calling us to action on a certain issue. If this is the case, no doubt He will provide the necessary graces for us to do what he has willed for us. Most times however, when I find myself in certain situations I realize I have somehow veered off the path and am now following my own road instead of the one God willed for me. It takes constant prayer and a focus on Him for me to discern between the two, but the trick is, I have to stay still long enough, gazing at Him alone to know it.
I recently read a great passage on St Augustine in the Eucharist meditation book “Amazing Nearness” :
In it he states: "St Augustine’s purification was severe. Hippo, into which he had put so much loving effort, had collapsed. What had taken years to build was destroyed...such was the fate of one of the greatest saints and church fathers". (pg37) "Humanly speaking, everything was destroyed. Yet, God never looses; maybe the destruction of Hippo was necessary so St Augustine would find deeper union with God. Christ did not shed His Precious Blood for Hippo, He did it for His beloved Augustine."
Doing this work can be very challenging. We have a tendency to fluctuate with the battle depending on whether we see it as a victory or defeat. We want to make the decisions and to steer the course at times, instead of Him. This of course does not mean we should not act, but for me it means stopping and really praying before I do, reminding myself that if I do His will I will always keep my peace .
He is the only one who will always be there, He will never abandon us, and He is the only one who can end abortion!
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
–Thomas Merton
