Reclaiming Our Children

Facing Our Fears

Looking at the Impact of Abortion on Families and Friends

 

Do I have to look here?

One of the hardest things to face once we have honestly looked at our abortions and shared it with others is the impact it has had on the lives of those we love, both those living at the time of the procedure, and those born after. Whether we have made the decision to tell our family and friends or not, there is no doubt our abortions affect them, because it has affected us! Very often, our perception and what actually is reality for those we love is completely different.

 We would all like to believe that those we love and have told are “ok” with our abortions, that somehow they have not been impacted and were able to move on. To think otherwise just conjures up more pain on top of the unending agony we have already been living with. More guilt, shame, regret, and destruction to face.

 It is easier to believe what these people are prone to tell us. “Its okay mom”, or, “You had to make that decision at the time. I understand” etc. In our hearts however, we know it is not okay, just like it was not okay when someone told us to “forget about it” or “move on with your life” when we spoke of our abortion experience. It will never be okay, but we and our loved ones can be okay with the help of God. In fact, our lives can even be joyful again.

 Facing the truth

For us to believe there are no negative consequences on those we love as a result of our abortions is an unrealistic expectation. In fact, I would dare to say it is unhealthy...what would life be like if people could really not have the loss of an unborn child affect them?

It would be comparable to the denial of society of the impact our abortions have had on us, as deep a denial as those who have chosen to ignore our grief and pain and proclaim that it does not exist, an overpowering lie and ploy of the devil; a hiding of the light under the bushel basket.

 Allowing the grief

 Those close to us deserve to be able to voice their feelings and grieve the loss of the child. It was, after all, perhaps their child as well, or grandchild, sibling, niece, nephew or other relationship. They too need to be able to work through their anger, resentment, survivor guilt or any other emotions that beset them. We who have aborted our children need to be able to handle whatever it is they need to express —to understand their pain as we have wanted to be understood, to hear them as we have wanted to be heard. Only then can true healing take place.

 Easy? No, not at all. In fact, it is probably one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. But, to do otherwise would be to fail in love...a love we have a chance to learn through our aborted children, who are now living with the Lord and long to teach us His love. We need to be in a place where we can allow friends and relatives to vent and grieve without becoming defensive, to humbly accept their feelings and the pain we have caused, while at the same time completely trusting that they will be taken care of by God who has taken care of us. for as with us, healing is about Him and who He is, not about who we are.

 We need to ask for forgiveness and selflessly respect the time they need to work through their grief, or in some circumstances, we need to forgive as we have been forgiven by God, and to show the mercy we have been shown. That’s a tall order, but a necessary one and an attainable one with help from God. We need to be willing to sit in the pain with them. With the support and assistance of others we will all make it through. Most of all, we need to pray.

 How do I know if I  should tell my family about my abortion?

 Telling family and friends about an abortion is an individual matter between a person and God. With continued prayer and healing and a desire to do God’s will in your life, what you personally are called to do will become evident. For some people, telling about a past abortion is important, while for others, it may actually be detrimental to all involved.

 Some questions to ask yourself:

•  Why do I want to tell ?
• Is it to relieve my guilt or a burden I feel?
• Will it ultimately be beneficial for those I tell ?
• Can I be there emotionally for those I tell and allow them to express their feelings without getting defensive ?
• Am I willing to allow them time to heal?
• Do I respect their feelings about the abortion ?
• Am I doing it because God has asked me or because I want to ?

 Is there an Obligation to Speak Out?

 God uses different people in different ways. Some women and men are called to go public with their stories, others may be called to give testimony one on one to a woman or man they know who are seeking help. Still others may just feel called to prayer and anonymous writing or witnessing. Only God can confirm in what way you are called to help.

No matter what the answer, know that God is with you always and longs for you to be healed. If we truly seek to do His will He can bring good out of even our worse sins, bringing renewed joy to our lives and the lives of those we love as we find peace with Him, ourselves, and our families, born and unborn.

_____________________________________________________________________

 For  copies of this brochure or for a referral:

LUMINA/Hope & Healing After Abortion
1-877-586-4621
www.postabortionhelp.org
E-Mail: [email protected]

In a word, what I’ve discovered as a confessor is MERCY

Nice article from a newly ordained priest on confession....

"In a word, what I’ve discovered as a confessor is mercy. I’ve realized that all the reasons I used to fear and delay confession stemmed from my basic distrust of mercy, either the confessor’s or God’s: I thought that if I honestly admitted how I failed to make myself holy, the confessor would make fun of me, or be disgusted or disappointed or annoyed at me for wasting his time, and that it wasn’t worth making time to examine my conscience and confess because God wasn’t going to do much for me whether I went to confession or not."

Confessions of a New Confessor

 By Fr. Gabriel Torretta, OP | October 6, 2015

As a newly ordained priest, I get asked all kinds of questions to which the speaker already knows the answer, things like “What was it like being ordained?” (Indescribable), “How do you like your new parish?” (It’s great), or “How awesome is it to say Mass?” (Like, ridiculously awesome). But no one so far has guessed my answer to the question, “What’s your favorite part of being a priest?” To me, it’s obvious: confession.

Partly, it’s the whole incongruity of the situation. After all, I’m just some guy who has spent more years studying Japanese than studying theology, and suddenly I’ve become an instrument of God’s mercy. There’s no easy way of narrating how the different events in my life have led me to this place: they just have. I’m not uniquely holy or even particularly wise, but thanks to a mysterious thing that happened on May 22, 2015, when someone comes and tells me the personal history of pettiness and pain that has separated him from God, I can say “I absolve you from your sins,” and it really happens.

It’s also got something to do with my own experience of Catholicism. I was not raised Catholic, and in my Presbyterian childhood the notion of confessing my sins to a priest would have seemed outlandish and unnecessary if it had ever occurred to me, which, as far as I remember, it didn’t. Even after I converted (in junior year of high school, for the curious), it took me a while to cotton on to the fact that Catholics were serious about the whole confession thing, and that the requirement even applied to me. Only about six months after I was confirmed did I finally go to confession for the first time, making what had to be one of the lamest and least serious here’s-all-the-sins-of-my-life confessions in human history.

The rest i s here

Luana's Testimony

 

Luana Hoppman Stoltenberg testifying Thursday before Congress to the lies of Planned Parenthood and the damage of abortion .

Luana shared her testimony and spoke for the thousands of testimonies the Justice Foundation has collected through Operation Outcry from women regarding abortions harm.

There are many ways to include your testimony if you chose to...you can protect your identity by instructing them to only use your first name or initials.

        You may protect your identity by instructing us to use either your first name only or initials only by checking that portion of the form. If you have not told others about your abortion and are not willing to release your full name publicly, we suggest you check the box for initials only. We will never disclose your personal contact information. When you complete the form online, we do need your signature using your own mouse to make the declaration admissible.

These testimonies have been used in many court cases and where instrumental in changing many laws. At the present time there are over 5,000 testimonies.

If you are interested in adding you testimony please visit Operation Outcry to sign a Declaration.

Also, consider leaving a message on Luana's FB page to thank her for being a voice for us all!

To Everything There is a Season

I have come to learn that God’s ways and His timing, most times, are not the same as mine. He is gentle and heals us in layers, always leading us to His love, the only place we have the courage to look at our sins. He knows what we can handle and when, so he does not make us look at everything all at once. Sometimes it may take years before things are revealed.

I must admit, it has been over thirty years since my abortion, and the one person I never really felt called to speak to was Joe, the father of my aborted son, Joshua. I am not sure why. Maybe because he was out of the picture by the time I had the abortion, or because it had been so many years. I had no idea where he was, and it was just never something that came up for me, so it came as a surprise when on a recent day, one of my sisters asked me if I had ever told him what had happened. I replied that I thought he knew I had had an abortion, but we had never spoken. Then, she asked “Well, don’t you think he has a right to know what happened?” A part of me realized she was right, and I told her I would pray about it and ask God for direction.

Well, this time He answered within a week! I received a notice for my high school reunion and guess whose contact information was on the site! There was no denying that this was an answer to my prayer for direction. For over thirty years we had had no contact and then all of a sudden there he was! I prayed for a few more days, and then sent him an email telling him what had happened. I also shared how God had brought good out of even this horrific sin.  I shared how our unborn son had touched thousand and thousands of lives through Lumina and Entering Canaan. I also sent him the web sites for post abortive fathers not knowing what his experience had been or if he had ever addressed it. Lastly, I told him he did not have to respond, it was okay, I just knew I was called to contact him and that I was sorry I had given in to the pressure to abort our son.

It was not long before I received a response. He apologized for what I had gone through and asked if he could make it up to me in any way. At no time during my pregnancy did this boy (at the time we were teenagers) ask me to abort our baby, and I came to learn how my dad had approached him and threatened him, telling him to stay away from me. I would be lying if I did not admit it opened more issues with my dad, but as with many times in the past, I have made the choice to forgive him and I continue to pray for him.

Perhaps the greatest grace from all of this was that I knew in my heart I needed nothing from Joe. I was at peace and he did not have to “make up” for anything. Not that he could. I already knew that the only person capable of that was Jesus Christ, and He already had.

T Bonopartis (09)

The Grace of Staying Still in Healing

We live in a very busy world. I feel I am often outside of myself catching up to where I think I should be. There just seems to be so many expectations, not only from others but those I place on myself! No wonder so many people feel stressed and under pressure! What exactly are we racing to?

We are busy, busy, busy, even periods of quiet contemplation become sources of the noise in our heads instead of the peaceful refuge they are suppose to be. I am embarrassed to admit it, but there  are days when I shop during the consecration, or I am planning the events of the day in my head while the biggest miracle of the world is taking place. Most times I do not even notice I am doing it until it is over, and then I am filled with the sorrow of distraction, but also the joy of knowing I will soon receive the One who saves me from myself.

The noise of the world sometimes never seems to go away. Some days, I need to make a concerted effort to pull myself back to where I am suppose to be, in the presence of Jesus Christ.

I think we often do that in healing as well. I want to be here! Why aren’t I there yet? We can be everywhere we think we should be except for the place we really are!  We are sure we know the best location for ourselves, we grow impatient with our healing, and even bargain with God filling our prayers with “If only’s…”

The rush of the world, instead of the peace of Jesus Christ.  But, race as we might, we will not find our healing here or there. Contrary to what the world tells us, we will not get to “be” by running around and doing all it seems to call us to do. No, healing is in the present. It is also in the presence! It is the grace of staying still and listening to His word and His will for us. It is stopping the motion so that He can reach out to touch us and give us His grace. It is in the trusting in His love for us. Healing is here and now, not down the road because this is where he calls us to be.

That of course, does not mean that we do not do what He asks us to do, to learn, to pray, to attend places that will help us, but there is a difference many times, in doing what He asks and what we want.

To You Little Sparrow

by "K" a sibling....

Do I say goodbye, do I have to, do I need to?

 

I don't really know where to go from here.

I don't really know how to get closure. 

 

Do I live my life for your sake? 

Do I live my life better for you?

 

I listen to songs that make me think of you and tears can't help but fall from my eyes. 

I don't believe in a heaven but I hope there's something out there that brings us together at some point.

 

I hope I see you on the other side. 

 

I have a tattoo. It looks a little shabby, I imagined you could've laughed at me for it but it's filled with a lot of sentiment.

A friend of mine died and on the day of the funeral I got an anchor tattoo with a blank ribbon. 

The blank ribbon is you, you never had a name. I wish you did, I think it might make it easier. 

 

I'm probably crazy for feeling this way.
I'm guilty for living while you never even had a chance.
It's my fault you were never given a chance.  

There's nothing quite as crazy like missing something that hasn't really existed.  

 

I wish you could be manifested so I could hug you and never let you go. 

My heart hurts for you and you will forever be with me.

Guardian Angels

Years ago when I went to Fatima, we also were blessed to visit the shrine to the Angels where they gave us this beautiful prayer to say....

Promise to The Guardian Angel

Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of hosts,
Heaven and Earth are full of Thy Glory.

Kneeling  before Thy majesty,
we thank Thee, O God,  that Thou hast given to each of us a heavenly companion to be at our side, one who leads us according to Thy will,
directs us in Thy paths and manifests to us Thy love.

We resolve here in Thy presence
to love our holy companion as a brother
and to obey him when he speaks to us
through the voice of conscience.
He will surely lead us to heaven.

Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior, take my hand and place it in the hand of my Guardian Angel
and make the sign of our Redemption over it.

Thy blessing, for our salvation.

In the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.