I admit it. Although I have a great love of the Eucharist and have been attending daily mass for decades, I often find myself in any place but church when I am there.
In this busy world where we are seldom “off” because of expectations (our own or others), and social media, without even realizing it I find myself at the grocery store, doing the endless work that needs to done or lining up my day in my head, totally missing the readings or even the homily.
It can be a constant struggle. Even if I manage to become conscience of it and pull myself back it is not long before I am gone on another excursion. It is so hard nowadays to stay in the present moment, in and of itself not good, but particularly upsetting when I am at mass.
It reminds me of young children who cannot hold their attention to things for long. They often ignore the things before them always looking for the next challenge or occupation of their minds. I remind myself I am really no different than that child, and I console myself with the fact that like human parents pull their kids back and assist them in gaining virtue; Mary does the same with me.
I have tried to become more aware of myself at mass. I know that God knows, as imperfect as my love is, I do love Him, and that is why I seek Him out each day.
One thing I have found that unites me with Him intimately more than anything is always remembering He is the same Jesus I met in my healing. The one who took pity on me after hours of calling out to Him in agony on the bathroom floor. The one who came down, and touched my heart and soul in a profound way freeing me, after years of suffering from the bondage of abortion.
So, no matter how much I have strayed during mass, or no matter how many times I have had to pull myself back, as the consecration begins, I always remind myself that He is coming…that same Jesus , to meet me in my soul in that intimate place of love, forgiveness and healing where I can still feel His touch.
Jesus, I trust in You!
