Reclaiming Our Children

The Box in the Closet

It is easy to let the thoughts of a past abortion take over your life. Whether it is the disbelief that we can do such a thing, or the continual beating up of self, sometimes it seems like there is no relief from the pain of abortion. Letting it go for even a little while may seem to some like they are aborting their child again..even bad thoughts are a way to connect and hold onto the child we lost.

The truth is however, that holding onto the pain does not unite us to our children..letting go does. While we need to deal with the issue, we need to deal with it in a healthy way and in a place were we are going to get the guidance we need to work through our experience and heal. I describe it as putting your abortion in a box...when you are going on retreat, or to counseling or group, you take down the box and open it up. When you get home, you put it back in the closet until the next time.

If you are tempted to keep it open on your bed torturing yourself, fight the temptation, refuse to linger or reach out so someone can help you get it back in the closet until the next time.

This does not mean you are not dealing with it, you are, only in an environment where it can actually be productive instead of one where all you do is punish yourself. Of course, with this comes the responsibility to commit to a group, or ministry or counseling so you can work through it. You do not have to (nor should you)go it alone..there are people and places out there to help...if you do not know one give us a call 877-584-4621 and we will help you find one!

Humble Confidence – Keeping our eyes on Jesus

 

And they went and woke him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing." And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. Matt 8:25-26

 

I think I say this every year, but it is so true…when I develop these mercy retreats I am always praying about all of you, but it never fails to turn out that they end up totally for me!

 So, my talk was here long before I began to pray about it…when it came time to write it I could not believe its relevance in my life right now…

“Save us Lord we are perishing”…

It has taken me years to realize that what I am asking Him is to save me from myself!

From all the actions, behaviors, temptations, sins etc, that take me away from Him

 Humble confidence…

Humble-seeing myself in truth..the truth about me in all my weaknesses and faults

Confidence-trusting in Him –in spite of all my weaknesses and faults

keeping my eyes on Christ NO MATTER WHAT!

Refusing not to believe in His mercy

 

“Why are you afraid oh you of little faith?”

I would like to believe that I could come to the point were I trusted so much fear was not something I ever experienced. But, that is just not reality. When I feel threatened or see my family threatened I often feel fear. We all do, it is a human response, and that is the point, we cannot do it. It is impossible and even prideful to think that we can..only Jesus can do it in us

 I needed to learn that keeping my eyes on Christ does not mean I have no fear. It means I continue to trust in Him in spite of my fears…in spite of my humanness.

That I refuse not to trust in Him in spite of how things may look.

 It does not mean I never experience anxiety- Jesus himself felt anxiety in the Garden

it means when I am filled with anxiety I still do what I am suppose to do to follow His will.

 

It does not mean I do not feel hurt when someone judges me, especially when a friend judges me because of my abortion. A part of me wants to say, “Is that how you really see me ? ”

Then I have to really look and say, instead of being hurt recognizing the truth..I am that sinner.Feeling sorry that they choose to focus on that sinner instead of what God has done in me and what I have become through His grace.

 It does not mean I will not have temptations-it means in the midst of temptations I will turn to Him in prayer and reach out for support if I need to so I do not fall into sin. And it means when I do fall, I trust in His love and mercy enough to know I can be forgiven in the sacrament of reconciliation

 If Peter had kept his eyes on Jesus in spite of the storm around him and the fears he felt, he would have made it through the storm without sinking…this is really the picture or even the map of the journey of our lives…traveling through lifes storms to Christ Himself.

 We are actually so prideful and full o f ourselves that we actually believe when we feel good and are full of consolation it is because of us when in reality it is always a gift of God.

It is easy to trust in good times with consolations, but, it is in the midst of lifes storms that our faith, our “humble confidence” is tested. It is when we are being tossed about and perishing, perhaps in unemployment, In illness, In poverty, In death,In family sufferings etc etc..I is in those times that we still need to chose to trust, to refuse to not believe in Gods Mercy.  It is about keeping the focus on Him no matter where I am.

 

In it hard in those times,sometimes I cannot even pray, but, I can tell Him that I am here anyway and that I love Him.

I can tell Him I want to let go o f myself and my desires and only do His will-or, at least that I want to want that.

I can tell Him that n the deep recesses of my heart I am so grateful to Him in spite of my seeming ingratitude and lack o f faith

 That I long to be in that place of silence with Him but it often alludes me.

I am too busy with way too many things going on even knowing that not one of them is more important than even once minute in His presence. Yet, when I am in His presence that itself  is a gift from Him.

 Recent life has been very difficult - All can look lost

I have to remind myself that Calvary looked that way too

That it appeared to be a defeat

But in reality it paved the way for our salvation

 

I had to learn and am still learning, not to act on my emotions

To have not only “humble confidence” but unceasing patience, Enduring Patience

I try not to worry, but I still do

I try not to fear, but I still do

I try to let go of all that is me but I am constantly getting in my way

It seems “I” am everywhere

And My “I” ruins everything because it takes me away from Him.

 

But I am learning, and will continue to learn through this journey called  life,

To trust that the same love and mercy who healed me from my abortion is there for me every day That He loved me so much he freed me from that, so why would He fail me in other things.

He would’nt

To cling to the memory of that moment of my healing I speak about in the bathroom when I crouched on the floor for hours repeating “Jesus I trust in you” in spite of what I was feeling.

The moment I surrendered and let go of my “self “ and my will and climbed on the cross with Christ. That moment when instead of pain and suffering I always saw, I experienced His unfathomable  love and mercy…

Yes,things are not always what they seem

It is in the storms of life that He is most present to us and in fact, our faith is called to be lived, to trust in Him no matter what, that through His gift of faith we will grow and come to the safety of heaven.

 

Prayer in time of Need

Jesus, do not leave me alone in suffering.
You know, Lord, how weak I am.
I am an abyss of wretchedness,
I am nothingness itself;
So what will be so strange
If You leave me alone and I fall?

I am an infant, Lord,
So I cannot get along by myself.
However, beyond all abandonment I trust,
And in spite of my own feeling I trust,
And I am being completely transformed into trust,
Often in spite of what I feel.

Do not lessen any of my sufferings,
Only give me strength to bear them.
Do with me as You please, Lord,
Only give me the grace to be able to love You,
In every event and circumstances.

Lord, do not lessen my cup of bitterness,
Only give me strength
That I may be able to drink it all.

Amen.

                                                        

The Fourth Little Pig

The Fourth Little Pig – Me!

We’re all familiar with the children’s story of “The Three Little Pigs." They all thought that they were pretty self sufficient. After being sent out to seek their fortune by an old sow, they each went about the business of building their own house, however, pride and stubbornness got the better of a couple of them!

The first made his house of straw. As the tale goes, the wolf came and sought to enter. When the pig refused, he was met with this chant, “I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in." Blew it in he did, consuming the little pig!

Pig number two did not fare much better having built his house with sticks. Once again the wolf approached, "I'll puff, and I'll huff, and I'll blow your house in."  Sadly, the house collapsed and pig number two was added to the menu.

The third little pig was much smarter and built his house with bricks. When the wolf approached with his threats of huffing and puffing, he found that this house would not come down, but he did not give up!  He tempted the pig by enticing him with vegetables from the garden thinking he would be able to devour him there. The third a little pig, however, was on to him and went to the garden and back before the wolf showed up. And so the story continues, as the wolf tries various plots to consume the pig. Happily, in the end, the third little pig is the victor, as he sets a trap for the wolf who threatens to reach him by coming down the chimney. Pig number three outsmarts him by placing a pot of boiling water at the base of the chimney which in the end, ends the wolf!

This children’s tale reminds me of my journey to God. I always thought I knew what was best and instead of looking for direction from God, I set out on my own only to have the “wolf” and my own personal weaknesses cause havoc in my life. I often speak of how I built my house on straw and lost everything. It was the only way that God could get my attention. He wanted me to learn that I needed to build my house on the Rock which is Him!

It took much suffering, and many straw houses, before I learned and trusted Him with my life. At times it appeared that I would never survive. He was stripping me of all I thought I held dear, but as I grew to know Him I came to find it was all for my salvation; my road map to Him.

Jesus tells us a story similar to the Three Little Pigs in Matthew 7:23-27...

“Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them
will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.
The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.
And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them
will be like a fool who built his house on sand.
The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
And it collapsed and was completely ruined.”

Which pig are you?

May we each build our houses on the Rock, Jesus Christ, knowing that by doing so, we are safe from the prowling wolf and from our own weaknesses.