New article on "Mind & Spirit"
If I had to pick one thing that impacted my life more than anything else, it would be my parents abandoning me when I became pregnant at 17. I had certainly played many scenarios in my head as to how they would react when I told them the news, but because of our Catholic faith, the one thing I did not consider was being thrown out of the house cut off from all I knew and loved, and then pressured to abort my child.
Abandoned and Alone
Abandonment is a terrible thing. The demise of all love by those who you thought loved you most, taking with it any flicker of hope you may have been holding on to. It extinguishes the flame of life in a soul.
Alone, homeless and jobless and having nowhere to go, through that act of abandonment, I gave in to the abortion. I remember feeling like I was thrown into the dark abyss, drowning, and although I did not want to abort it seemed to me at the time that it was the only option I had. Sadly, even after giving in, the abandonment was still there and so I found myself with no family and now living with the horrific fact that I had also participated in the death of my unborn son.
It was through this human experience that the fear of abandonment took hold of my life. A paralyzing fear that infiltrated all aspects of my life, intensified by the fact that I had ultimately also abandoned myself and my unborn child.
Life was a living hell ruled by my emotions and fears. Every argument was the end of a relationship, if I even allowed myself to be engaged in one, which of course included friendships. I was terrified to let anyone in, for fear of being abandoned again. It was a sad and lonely existence ruled by depression, anxiety and fear.
