Reclaiming Our Children

Spiritual Dryness

“All that is required for a complete pacification of the spiritual house is the negation through pure faith of all the spiritual faculties and gratifications and appetites. This achieved, the soul will be joined with the Beloved in a union of simplicity and purity and love and likeness. #3. In the night of sense there is yet some light, because the intellect and reason remain and suffer no blindness. But his spiritual night of faith removes everything, both in the intellect and in the senses. The less a soul works with its own abilities, the more securely it proceeds, because its progress in faith is greater.” St. John of the Cross

 

Those of you who know me will also know that I speak of the “wining and dining” of Jesus in the beginning of our faith experiences. I remember clearly how I thought I was getting “holy” in the beginning of my conversion because Jesus often blessed me with “feelings” of His presence.

There was nothing better. I would go in front of the Blessed Sacrament and I remember thinking there was no place else I would rather be. The peace and consolation I experienced was beyond measure and I often had to drag myself away to get back to my duties. I was in love.

As I advanced in my faith, this began to happen less and less. Although I still spent time in front of the Blessed Sacrament and continued to learn my faith, the “wining and dining” was much less frequent, and as the years passed, I often felt like an addict seeking that high to no avail.

With good spiritual direction, I began to learn how those moments of consolation were a gift and really had nothing to do with me, and that my faith needed to be a commitment, whether I felt His presence or not. That, in fact, not feeling His Presence and still going to daily mass, praying, and spending time with Him was an act of true faith instead of me always wanting His consolation.

I came to also learn that my healing needed to be claimed. That I needed to step out in trust knowing in my heart what He had done for me and never wavering in spite of any spiritual dryness that I was going through or any attacks of doubt that were put before me. I needed to choose to continue to believe without any wining and dining.

Countless numbers of saints experienced this spiritual dryness, from St. Faustina, St. Therese, Padre Pio, St. John of the Cross, and Mother Theresa, to name just a few.  Mother Theresa is said to have experienced it for 50 years. Yet, in spite of this emptiness, this dryness, they continued to love and serve the Lord because they “knew." Not a feeling, but a knowing of the love and mercy of God. A letting go of ”self."  While I am not a saint (but hope I am one in the making), I am learning to embrace this dryness, although not always easily. I can find myself thrown around in the turmoil battling my emotions, but in the end, I do believe He knows better than I do and I do trust Him with my life.

There are rare times when I still get consolation. Or days when I overwhelmingly feel the presence of Mary. It is a true gift that I thank her for . Thankfully, in spite of myself, whether I feel them or not, you can still find me at daily mass or before the Blessed Sacrament praying, knowing what they have done for me, daily thanking them for my healing and my faith which sustains me in all things in spite of what I feel, and waiting for the heavenly banquet where I know I will be wined and dined for eternity.

Queens College PSN Workshop

On Wednesday November 1st I will be speaking at Queens College at the PSN Meeting. Everyone knows countless young women on college campuses have had abortions and that many women who go to CPC's have an abortion in their past. The workshop will concentrate on developing an understanding of their mindset and showing true compassion in reaching out not just to save a crisis pregnancy but also out of concern for those who have chosen abortion in their past.

New Entering Canaan Location

Heading out this week to Charlottesville, Virginia for their first Entering Canaan Retreat. It is very exciting to see the ministry grow in different parts of the country as we continue to add new locations .

Many people do not know what EC involves...it is multi faceted in that it includes, days, weeks and Gathering groups.

Read about it here: http://www.enteringcanaan.com/about-entering-canaan

Some people do the complete ministry, others just do the days. Some mix with other ministries and do a little of both.

I am grateful to God for allowing EC to bring people to healing and for the many ministries now available to those suffering from abortion.

Please pray for the participants and the team at the new location this Saturday.

Pro Life Seminar - Calvary

Sunday, I had the great blessing of speaking at a Pro Life seminar at St Joseph’s,  in Bronxville, NY, organized by Jacki Brusco and the Respect Life Group. I was pleasantly surprised at the great turnout for a sunny Sunday afternoon in competition with football! God has His plans.

I had been looking forward to hear the other speaker, Dr Michael Brescia, Executive Medical Director of Calvary Hospital, a world renowned hospital devoted to providing palliative care to adult advanced cancer patients.

Dr. Brescia has an amazing story of how he came to be at Calvary. Co-inventor of the Brescia-Cimino fistula which presented a milestone in the treatment of Kidney disease, the Lord had other plans for him as a temporary assist at Calvary which turned into his life work. God knows what He is doing!

As Dr. Brescia spoke, I heard the parallels of our two ministries. In many ways, both take place at Calvary. One dying physically the other a spiritual death.

Dr. Brescia shared about the spiritual, physical and emotional battles of terminal cancer and the importance of holding and loving those God sends to them in their end of life journey. His hands on compassion and obvious love and devotion to those he serves, was beautiful to hear, and I am sure even more  beautiful to watch as he ministers on Calvary.

Dr Brescia spoke of emotional suffering being deepest pain. While they treat the physical pain, he feels the abandonment those who are dying often experience as being the worst. I could not help but reflect on how abandonment is often one of the deepest wounds from abortion as well. I could not help wondering what it would be like for those who struggling with that deep wound through life to find it is also  experienced deeply on the road to dying .

Yes, ministering to the dying at Calvary seems not to be so different from ministering to those broken from abortion at the foot   of the cross. Those at Calvary Hospital are dying physically, facing physical pain (although he says it can be managed in this day and age and no one has to suffer), and struggling spiritually and emotionally, those suffering from abortion have very often died spiritually, suffering emotionally and sometimes physically but are called to go on in this life.

In the end, it is the love on Calvary that  heals them both. One leading to death and eternal life, the other a renewed life in Christ. Those at Calvary hospital treat the physical wound as well as the spiritual,in post abortion healing, the psychological impact must be addressed as well in order for those in healing to learn the dynamics and the very real way abortion influences their lives, but in the end it is  the love that allows them to look at that,that fills the wounds, whether  they be physical, spiritual or emotional with the unconditional love of Christ carrying them to healing and fullness of redemption.

                                                                                                                                                                    

Do You Believe? The Pride of Rejecting Forgivness

 My latest article in Mind & Spirit
Theresa Bonopartis, October 17, 2017

 

Karen called me because of an abortion she had 30 plus years ago. It was evident that she was suffering greatly and did not believe God could forgive her for such a sin, nor was she able to forgive herself. This was something she accepted, because she felt she deserved a life of suffering.

“There is no healing for this,” she told me. “It is impossible.”

As our conversation progressed, and I tried to speak to her of forgiveness through Christ, it became clear that she had made up her mind that the rest of her days were to be spent torturing herself with no hope of forgiveness. She lived a life of despair.

Refusing Mercy

Karen was caught up in “self” which is so prevalent in the face of serious sin. She was continually focused on what she had done, unable to move forward. She did not want to hear about God’s mercy, because she could not allow herself to accept it. She had even become comfortable in her misery, except for the rare occasion when she would reach out, but be deaf to anything that was said to her that would give her any hope of change.

Not only did Karen refuse to believe in mercy for herself, but she also refused to believe in it for anyone else. “I don’t care what anyone says, no one can heal from an abortion,” she told me. Her determination to suffer for taking the life of her unborn child was cemented in her heart of stone, which was the only way she had been able to survive all these years.

The rest is here

Waiting for Prince Charming

I have to admit, doing post-abortive work in the pro-life movement often leaves me feeling like a step child longing for the appearance of Prince Charming, that perfect person to sweep me off of my feet and provide for the needs of the ministry.

Most post abortion ministries are connected to some kind of pro life organization. They do not seem to have the resources available to be self-sustaining as a Crisis Pregnancy Center may have. Let’s face it, everyone wants to save babies, but mothers and fathers who abort his or her children? Not so much.

It is not that everyone is adverse to their conversion, but there is still a feeling that the post abortive brought their pain on themselves so it is theirs to deal with, while “saving babies,” who are innocent makes people feel good.

Don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful to the prolife organizations that have taken on this healing work and have given us a home, but the majority of fundraising, efforts, and resources go to their first mission. There's nothing wrong with that, in fact, it is as it should be, but it often leaves the work of healing souls as an afterthought.

As the ministry grows, so does its needs. It is a good problem, but one that needs to be addressed none the less.

“I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” Luke 5:32

Post abortion ministry is one that calls sinners to repentance. It is a quiet call to Christ, who loves them in spite of their sins.  It is a reunion of of creature with creator; there to learn of His unfathomable love and mercy, rejoining them with their unborn children as He intended.  A richness of mercy is to be found in this ministry for those who long for the healing touch of a loving God.

In the end, I have come to realize Prince Charming has already come. Instead of a castle, he was born in a stable. Instead of a chariot, he rode on a donkey. Instead of praise, He suffered, died, and was crucified for our sins. We may not have all the material things we need or even the support, but we have Him – the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings. Who need anything more?

In His Presence

Through generosity,  I work in an empty convent next door to a Catholic high school, in the Bronx. It is a big building and frankly, not in the best of neighborhoods, but I have always felt safe in there even when I have had cause not to. 

Most days, I am in the building alone except when a  volunteer is present, or the days when we have a retreat or training. The convent, of course, has a chapel, and I am very blessed to have Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament.

During the month of August between business and pleasure, I was gone for three weeks, and so, before I left I had a priest consume Jesus, because I knew no one would be around to change the sanctuary light or spend any time with Him.

As the time approached to return to work, I contacted the priest to ask him to please bring Jesus back so that He would be there when I returned. I did not want to go back into the building without Him. Unfortunately, he was away on retreat and so for a few days I was in the convent alone and not feeling very comfortable. Thank goodness He is now back!

I am asked all the time how I can work there alone and not be nervous. My answer is, I am not alone. I work with Jesus beside me. The same Jesus, who healed me of my abortion, who blesses me with faith and the ability to do this work by His grace. Jesus my friend, my confidant, counselor and Savior. 

It is with Him beside me each day that I minister to those post abortive. He knows the stories and heartbreaks of all who come to us. In prayer with Him and under the guidance of my director, I discern His will and pray daily for those struggling with the pain of a past abortion, invoking Him to bring more souls forward to experience His love and forgiveness.

I have learned not to rush Him, but to trust and allow Him to heal in His time, not mine, for only he knows the depths of each person wounds. I pray to Him daily to keep me out of the way wanting only the good and healing of those who come. I have learned to trust in His working for those He entrusts to us, and I have been blessed to see many reach His peace and healing. He hears me grumble, He cries and smiles with me. It is not always easy especially when He asks something of me I do not want to do, but by His grace we move forward. Many times I fail, but I know He will then meet me in the Sacrament of Reconciliation there to begin again.

No, I am truly not alone, for I work with the best co-worker anyone could possibly have Jesus Christ!

The Cross - Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness

It is the point of healing.

The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love.                                                            

An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on the cross

With Christ there to join Mercy with faithfulness.

 

I can remember the struggles of faithfulness,

the searching in the dark to find God,

the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else

and I longed to be healed.

 

The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear,

because there was nothing to lose, there could be no greater hell

than the one I created for myself.

 

I begged and pleaded with Gad reminding Him of His promises in spite of me.

I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach complete surrender.

 

There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue,

My temptations and bouts with despair.

Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary

to give me the push I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.

I continually pleaded for the saint's intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary & Joseph.

 

And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal,

I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.

There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed from my abortion.

I suddenly understood so much of scripture.

So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given.

I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross.

Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.

 

To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God, even if not "felt" it is possible.

Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us...we in our faithfulness need to persevere.

 

12 Reasons Why Groups Like "NYC for Abortion Rights" Do Not ReallyTrust Women

On October 14th, at the Bronx Abortion Clinic on Eastchester Road, NYC for Abortion Rights will hold a rally to oppose Forty Days for Life. The cover photo on their Facebook page is a picture of people holding letters that spell “Trust Women."

In their advertising for the rally, they state that the “Red Rose Rescue” held on September 15, 2017 was an "escalation in violent harassment” at abortion clinics. No matter how you feel about the rescue itself, handing out red roses and praying is far from, “violent harassment." The true violence takes place inside the abortion clinics where every day babies are killed in what they can call “choice."

They cannot even honestly call it what it is.

As someone who has both had an abortion and been involved in post abortion ministry for over 20 years, I can tell you without a doubt, that the last thing they do is care for, or “trust women."  Here are 12 reasons why...

1. They don’t trust women enough to give them the truth about the development of their baby.
2. They don’t trust women enough to tell them exactly what happens during an abortion procedure.
3. They do not trust women enough to tell them the very real risks of abortion, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
4. They continue to deny the very real experiences of millions of women (even The Guttmacher Institute says it is millions) and the negative impact abortion has had on their lives.
5. They do not trust women enough to truly make sure they have made the decision without coercion.
6. They downplay and deny the countless women forced to abort by boyfriends, husband, families, and even employers.
7. They look the other way when minors come in for abortion without making sure these children are not being sexually abused, sending them back into the arms of their abusers.
8. They fight against regulation that applies to any other health care facility leaving countess clinics filthy and far below standards.
9. They do not show outrage and remain silent, when abortionists like Dr. Steven Brigham, Belkis Gonzalez, and Nicola Irene Riley hurt and even kill women and viable babies.
10. They take advantage of  vulnerable women, having them sign papers so they can sell the body parts of their babies under the presumption of doing good.
11. They are silent when women die at clinics from abortion, even trying to cover it up.
12. They fight against legislation that would truly protect women, caring more about the legality of abortion then the safety of women.

No, these people do not “trust women.” They exploit them and offer them up to their god of abortion.

Women deserve better.

Feast of the Rosary

“Some people are so foolish that they think they can go through life without the help of the Blessed Mother. Love the Madonna and pray the rosary, for her Rosary is the weapon against the evils of the world today. All graces given by God pass through the Blessed Mother.” -St. Padre Pio