I doubt you would be able to find a post abortive woman who has not felt that she was marked with the scarlet letter “A”. Those who have read the book of the same name by Nathaniel Hawthorne, are aware of the main character, a young woman named Hester Prynne.
Taking place in the 17th century, Hester was sent ahead to American while her husband was to follow. Thinking he was lost at sea, she has an affair which leaves her pregnant, and she gives birth to a baby girl. Hester refuses to reveal her lover’s identity, so she is subjected to public shaming and made to wear a scarlet letter “A” on her chest symbolizing her act of adultery.
Those of us who have experienced abortion also are marked with the letter “A”. Sometimes by others, but most especially by ourselves. We are filled with guilt and shame which is compounded by the judgment of others often expressed sadly, even in the in the pro life movement. It can making redemption feel impossible.
Some of us, like Hester, go public with our mark speaking out to show the harm of abortion, perhaps even before we are ready to. It may not be voiced by everyone, but everyone knows the “A” is there even if unspoken. While countless people are encouraging and even forgiving, there is still a large percentage of people who cannot get past the mark of “A”, even resenting signs of healing, and fearful if suffering is not your daily lot. They fear that somehow someone healed will seem to make abortion acceptable and that the suffering endured was not enough to show the gravity, or even worse, that healing should not be possible for such a sin.
It can be difficult to move past the pain and guilt when you feel people are judging you, you tend to stay hidden in your denial and fear, but there is freedom to be found. True freedom is not marked by human understanding but by a God who loves us. True freedom comes in personally knowing and experiencing the love ad forgiveness of God.
It comes in realizing He understands how abortion can happen while at the same time never condoning it or minimizing its severity. He sees our human flaws and weaknesses and loves us in spite of them. He is not worried we will think abortion is ok if we are freed, He knows we have lost our children in this life and could never think that. He came to earth to free us.
This manifestation of His love causes us to change into new beings reflecting the love He has shown to us. We come to know that all good comes from Him and without Him we are nothing and we are okay with that, because we have known life from the pits of hell we created for ourselves and how he has rescued us.
This encounter with God brings with it a new scarlet letter. The letter “M” for mercy. We come to see how blessed we are to have experienced and to reflect His “M ercy” and wear it without hesitation, because all that matters is letting others who are suffering because of any grave sin know of this Mercy.
Do not be discouraged if you feel judged or are unable to forgive yourself, instead entrust yourself to God who desires your healing. He will show you the way and He will surely turn your “A” into an “M”, then the judgments of others will not be able to leave their mark on you because you are truly freed by Mercy Himself!
