Blessed Solemnity of Our Lady of Czestochowa, patroness of our ministry.
You can read about it here.
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Blessed Solemnity of Our Lady of Czestochowa, patroness of our ministry.
You can read about it here.
Posted at 06:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68)
I pondered on whether I should address the clergy abuse report and cover-up that came out on Tuesday, August 14th. Then, I remembered very clearly the fears I had in coming back to the church and seeking healing from my abortion. All those feelings that overtake you, the shame, guilt, unforgiveness, and self-hate. I remember well thinking, “How could God ever forgive me?”
Now, I think, how could anyone, in the face of the report ever have the courage and trust enough to take a leap of faith into what seems like a hypocritical fire? How can they find hope during such despair? Who are these priests and this church to forgive me when they have done such horrific things themselves? All very understandable, but, at the same time, this is a tool of the devil to keep people from the mercy and forgiveness of Jesus Christ which is always there for each one of us despite the sins of the church.
I was blessed, when I sought out healing, to encounter a good priest, who opened my heart to the love of God. He was instrumental in my healing. Through the sacraments and his direction, I was able to come to know the love and mercy God had for me, which paved the way for the trust that was needed for me look at my abortion experience honestly and allow God to heal me. He led me into a relationship with Jesus Christ.
In the face of this horrific report on the church, one must wonder how anyone now would be able to come forward for healing or in trust. The answer is you can’t. It can only be done through the grace of God, but that grace is waiting for each one of you. In my over twenty years of doing post-abortion ministry I have been very blessed to see countless miracles of God’s mercy, as He slowly embraced those broken souls who came to us. His love and mercy are still there, waiting for each one of you, longing to heal you.
While the atrocities in the church are for sure damaging beyond comprehension, the love and mercy of God is even stronger. While hundreds of priests committed vile acts that we cannot even put into words, there are countless numbers of good holy priests waiting to lead you to God like the priest who assisted me. I have been blessed to work with many of them, who selfishly give of themselves for others. Their prayers and sacrifices have led many to the heart of Jesus and healing, and they too weep over the sins of the church.
My prayer is that each of you contemplating healing will move forward. I pray that you place yourselves in the arms of Mary and trust this Mother of Mercy to lead you to her Son. It is there, under the safety of her mantle, that you will learn about the love of God for you, the working dynamics of abortion and acquire the tools necessary to heal.
You do not have to stay in the prison of your abortion because of the sins of others. Don’t let this do that to you. Step out in the faith of Jesus Christ who longs to heal you. Our hope is in the Lord, who came to earth for our salvation. He is waiting for you.
Posted at 04:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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A hole was ripped in my heart the day I got my abortion along with a hole in my marriage. How could I trust this person who did not love all of me, did not want our baby? Who was I now that I had rejected this new life? I hated myself. My identity as a mother and wife was shattered. What kind of mother was I? How could I ever respect myself again? How could I respect my marriage, my husband? How come I didn’t stand up for my child? How come I didn’t know it was a child and not a blob of cells? I hated the people who had convinced me abortion was the better path. I hated the people who made me think choosing life was a selfish act. And one of those people was my husband.
I hated myself for being so blind. I felt deadened. I thought my husband would always protect me and now I knew different. I felt unloved by the man I had always thought loved me. We carried on, but it was different, because I felt I could never be happy again. I resented my husband for his lack of support, for his lack of understanding of my pain; a pain that only increased with time. After fifteen years it had become intolerable. He could only see things in practical terms and was impatient with me at times, but in the end I wore him down. He came to finally share my deep regret. Only the grace of God in our marriage could heal this kind of schism. Pope John Paul II had blessed our marriage and I credit him with keeping us together. But those were lonely years filled with failed attempts to release, cover and deny the agony. Attempts that did not work and were often very destructive.
We were ignorant really, and duped by the secularists around us who influenced our thinking and only thought of the child in materialistic terms. We had lost our connection to God. That’s when I became absolutely certain that returning to the Catholic which we had left, was my only salvation. Only there would I find Christ truly revealed. Only there, could I trust I would find the truth. In my weakness I had closed my heart and mind. Everyone else, every other theology, spirituality, philosophy had lied to me and led me down this path of destruction. Only the Catholic Church taught the hard truths in the face of the worldwide lie and pressure to believe that abortion was just a simple procedure that benefited woman and their families. My first abortion took me away from the Catholic Church. My second brought me back.
My healing began through an Entering Canaan Day of Prayer & Healing and continued at a Hope and Healing weekend. I saw the brochure at the back of my Church and at first threw it away. They’ll just make me feel guilty I thought. I had confessed my sin, what more can I do? I don’t want to dwell on it. It took 12 more months of on and off depression and increasing feelings of despair and regret for me to listen to that little voice saying go – go to this retreat. I spent the whole day shedding the tears I had never shed and experiencing the love of God. I actually took off the cloak of denial and justification of what I had done and was wrapped in Christ’s warmth and healing mercy. The Hope & Healing Weekend was even deeper. I was able to believe and rest in God’s forgiveness. Now, I wanted this for my husband. I wanted this for his soul. I knew that he had never suffered the regret I had, but I also knew that if he did not face up to his part, it would keep him from God and keep him from me. It took a little prodding but he saw the change in me. He saw me experience joy and peace even though there still was sadness. After a while, my husband attended an Entering Canaan men’s retreat sponsored by Lumina. I could tell immediately that this had been a profound experience for him. In the end, it has brought us so much closer together. We are now on the same spiritual track, and he has asked for my forgiveness. This moved me deeply and washed away any feelings of bitterness I had. I feel like I finally have my sweetheart back. – CSB
Posted at 03:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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This is something I wrote in 2013 about actor Mark Ruffalo. I think it is worth putting out there again especially after seeing comments on a recent article. Sometimes we fail to see the impact abortion has had on our society especially regarding siblings. I would hope we could always speak with humility and compassion not knowing why people act as they do. This of course does not mean condoning their acts if they are promoting abortion but it does mean praying for them and trying to reach out with compassion to change their hearts.
While I don't agree with Mark Ruffalo, I do get why he feels as he does. Hopefully we can educate and reach out so that both he and his mom will find healing and he would not feel the need to be so pro abortion. Abortion has hurt millions upon millions of families...it may be blamed on other things by some, but the truth is, abortion kills the unborn and hurts millions of others....
Recently, actor Mark Ruffalo came out in defense of legal abortion. Mark speaks of how, as a young woman, his mom was forced to have an illegal abortion and the trauma that came with that. Sadly, he now believes that legal abortion would not have had such an impact and his mother would not have suffered the way that she did.
Mark goes on to say, "It was a traumatizing thing for her. It was shameful and sleazy and demeaning.
When I heard the story I was aghast by the lowliness of a society that would make a woman do that. I could not understand its lack of humanity; today is no different."
He has got that right! TODAY is no different! The truth is, abortion is still shameful, sleazy, and demeaning. I know that first hand and hear stories from new women everyday. Legal or illegal, one only has to read stories of abortionists like Gosnell or James Pendergraft (to name just a couple) to learn that nothing much has changed. Mark is under the assumption, like many who do not realize abortion itself is the problem, that it is freeing, when in truth, it binds millions of women for their entire lives.
This year Lumina will hold its fifth retreat for siblings of aborted babies. People from across the country have participated in sibling retreat days. Some are very in tune with their aborted siblings, others are not even able to go there mentally, yet. All of the siblings, we have found, no matter how hurt or angry they may be, are determined to protect the parents they love. At the sibling retreat, participants are free to speak of their anger, hurt, survivor guilt, etc., knowing their parents will not be judged, but instead that we seek to bring healing to all.
In his Gospel of Life, Pope John Paul II says, "I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. To the same Father and his mercy you can with sure hope entrust your child." (#99)
Yes, abortion remains "terribly wrong," but, we can "understand" why it may have happened and encourage reconciliation and healing. We can reach out in compassion while still speaking the truth of abortion.
I was saddened by the comments all over social media about Mark Ruffalo. Things like "he does not care about his aborted sibling," "I will never watch his movies again," and, "Mark Ruffalo loves abortion." I obviously do not know him, but he is probably a nice guy who loves his mom and has seen her suffer a lot. His compassion is misguided and he does not want to hurt her more, much like those who feel they have to say abortion is all right because they know a loved one who has had one. Mark would be better served with compassion, understanding, and education to the truth of abortion and all those it impacts. He needs to learn how not only does it kill the unborn, but still to this day, legal or illegal, it very often locks women and men into shame, guilt, and trauma. How, in truth, it will never be a choice his daughters, "enjoy," but will actually open the way for them to experience the same trauma his mother did.
We missed the opportunity to understand, to compassionately speak to him, and perhaps even reach his mother, who I am sure is still suffering. Instead, he got judgement and condemnation. I have no doubt that Mark's aborted sibling who is "living in the Lord," desires the healing of their mom and all in their family.
We all need God's mercy. We all fall short. I pray that both Mark, his mom, and anyone else impacted by abortion finds the healing, forgiveness and peace of Christ who desires that for each one of us.
For another perspective on the story, click here to visit the blog, Surviving Siblings.
Different Reactions
I just read an article the other day, about another post abortive sibling. Though, to my somewhat surprise, he was not speaking out in pain like I, or the siblings in my testimony category have, he was actually speaking in defense of legal abortion. After reading, I started to understand why. His mom was traumatized by an illegal abortion. So in his eyes, as in the eyes of many, having it readily available is a kind thing. While I personally do not agree, as my mom and so many others I know were traumatized by their legal abortions, I know what it’s like to be defensive of my mom. As do many other siblings. While some of us may mourn for the siblings we never had a chance to meet, and others have a hard time feeling any attachment to them, we’ve often had to watch our parents struggle.
**********
Are you the sibling of an aborted baby?
There is Hope. There is Healing. There is a way out of the darkness.
Email us at [email protected]
Call us at 1-877-586-4621 or 1-718-881-8008
Posted at 03:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Today I went to pray at the Planned Parenthood in Newburgh, NY, with Bishop Peter Byrne and the CFR’s. I had seen the announcement online and for some reason felt especially called to go even though it was over an hour away.
Since I work with abortion all the time, I rarely go to extra things on weekends, although I am always glad when I participate in praying at the clinics…it is a standing at Calvary.
Today, I was particularly struck by one car in the lot. It was a man and his young daughter, perhaps around the age of my granddaughter, waiting in the car as his wife was in the clinic. As we prayed the mysteries of the rosary this little girl just tilted her head out the window and watched us. We locked gazes many times as I offered up many of my prayers for her and her family.
For around nine years now, Entering Canaan has been, with the help of the CFR’S and a wonderful sibling who works with us, been offering retreats for siblings of aborted babies. This is a deep wound shared by countless numbers of people leading to many questions, grief, loss of self worth, guilt for being alive and a host of other things.
As I gazed at the girl in the window of the car I could not help but wonder, if she will remember the day she waited outside Planned Parenthood while her sibling was dying?
I think all too often we forget the wide spread impact just one abortion has on our society. We forget about the wounds that are leaking everywhere because of abortion. We are blind to the souls suffering.
Today, I have no doubt Our Lady brought me to Planned Parenthood in Newburgh to pray for that little girl and for her family.
Posted at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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I love a lot of priests. I have been very blessed in my journey to God to work with and be directed by some holy men who have been the face of Christ to me and assisted me on my faith journey. My heart breaks for them as I know they are suffering greatly because of the scandal, but I also see in all this a reason for us to rejoice.
What was in darkness has now been brought into the light. The church needs purification. I read an article earlier today where a pretty well-known Catholic figure said this report was done to shame the church. I say, if it was, good, that is a gift. I pray that the church which has obviously moved from what she was meant to be, sees her sins in humility and in humility repents, does penance and renews in Christ Jesus.We don’t need to hear that since 2002 things are good, they obviously are not, and even if they were it does not matter, what matters is what happens now.
I have been praying intently for priests. I know this must be so hard for them. As they struggle with their own feelings and emotions, we their flock are also looking to them to help us deal with all of this, it cannot be easy. But, a part of me is also excited for them. They have been called by Mary to share in the suffering of her Son more deeply, to unite with Him more completely…to be crucified and die to themselves for the sins of their brother priests and the sanctification of the church. No easy task and only done through God’s grace.
As hard as it is and will be, I have no doubt Mary is with them, and will keep them all safely beneath her mantle. I also have no doubt they will, through the graces she obtains for them, bring healing and renewal to the church, a resurrection of what it is called to be.
This time is also a deeper call to holiness for all of us who love the church, and our priests . It is a call to prayer and to sacrifice. It is a call to love, support and proclaim the Gospel in our actions, and to be courageous in our faith because we know Jesus Christ, and the victory is His!
Posted at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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I admit it. Although I have a great love of the Eucharist and have been attending daily mass for decades, I often find myself in any place but church when I am there.
In this busy world where we are seldom “off” because of expectations (our own or others), and social media, without even realizing it I find myself at the grocery store, doing the endless work that needs to done or lining up my day in my head, totally missing the readings or even the homily.
It can be a constant struggle. Even if I manage to become conscience of it and pull myself back it is not long before I am gone on another excursion. It is so hard nowadays to stay in the present moment, in and of itself not good, but particularly upsetting when I am at mass.
It reminds me of young children who cannot hold their attention to things for long. They often ignore the things before them always looking for the next challenge or occupation of their minds. I remind myself I am really no different than that child, and I console myself with the fact that like human parents pull their kids back and assist them in gaining virtue; Mary does the same with me.
I have tried to become more aware of myself at mass. I know that God knows, as imperfect as my love is, I do love Him, and that is why I seek Him out each day.
One thing I have found that unites me with Him intimately more than anything is always remembering He is the same Jesus I met in my healing. The one who took pity on me after hours of calling out to Him in agony. The one who came down into the bathroom where I wept, and touched my heart and soul in a profound way freeing me, after years of suffering from the bondage of abortion.
So, no matter how much I have strayed during mass, or no matter how many times I have had to pull myself back, as the consecration begins, I always remind myself that He is coming…that Jesus of the bathroom floor, to meet me in my soul in that intimate place of love, forgiveness and healing where I can still feel His touch.
Jesus, I trust in You!
Posted at 09:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter;
he who finds one finds a treasure.
A faithful friend is beyond price,
no sum can balance his worth.
A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy,
such as he who fears God finds;
First of all I want to say that I have been blessed with some pretty incredible friends. Ones who have known me at my best, and at my worst, and still unconditionally love me. They have been with me through good times and bad. We have laughed, cried, rejoiced and mourned together. I thank God for them always and I pray they feel they same about me.
A friendship like that is truly an amazing gift from God, one that challenges us to grow in love knowing we can be our true selves and that the person will be there loving us in spite of any failings. We know we are accepted as we are. But, I also know the pain of a relationship unrequited. One that perhaps I thought was one way, and then painfully came to find out that the other person was thinking of it completely differently.
In those relationships I have often accepted unacceptable behavior because I did not want to see the truth. I have found a million excuses not to see the signs that were screaming out to me because I did to want to believe that the person I cared for so deeply did not feel the same about me.
“It must have been a mistake”, “I am sure he/she did not realize how hurtful that was”, “I will tell them how hurt I felt and surely it will not happen again” but it always did. I would come up with a million excuses to stop me from finally facing the fact that the person did not feel about me the same way I felt about them.
There was a time after my abortion, when my self esteem was so low, that I saw every failed relationship as a reflection of my own worth. I believed I was unlovable, and so it was always my fault. How could someone love me who had taken the life of her child? Of course they would leave!
I have come to learn a lot over the years through my healing in Jesus Christ. It does not make the lesson any less painful, but I have learned it is not always about me and I have learned that I am never alone or unloved, He is there with me through it all.
It is still a painful lesson, to learn and face, especially if it is a relationship you have given years of your life to. Clinging to unhealthy relationships and trying to force or believe what you want instead of what is, is not a good thing and destroys peace of mind.
Jesus, I trust in you!
Posted at 03:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Beautiful Podcast by Fr Swavic, of the Families of Nazareth Movement on
"Divine Mercy & Forgiveness"
http://www.familiesofnazareth.us/podcast/divine-mercy-and-forgivness-0
Posted at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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It is not easy to heal from abortion. The very act of participating in the death of our children goes against everything nature has called us to be as mothers and fathers. Nurturers and protectors of the life created.
We can live in denial for a time, fight within ourselves to justify and rationalize the reasons we had abortions, but the truth is, nothing can ever expiate the deep rooted truth of taking the life of our unborn children except accepting and believing in the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
I always tell those who come to us in our “Entering Canaan” ministry, that healing is not a one-step process. Many times, a post abortive woman will come looking for the quick fix, the instant healing, but healing is in God’s time, not ours. It is most often like an onion that heals by layers and of which the abortion itself is most often a culminating act of many other issues. There will be times you will even feel like you are going backwards, but if you persevere and keep your eyes on Christ - healing will happen.
I remember in particular a women who had multiple abortions. When she came to us she was in total despair. How could God ever forgive her? She believed she was the worst of the worst. No one forced her to abort, she freely chose to end her pregnancies, or so she thought. Each bit of progress in her healing would be followed by bouts of despair, as the voice of condemnation began accusing her again telling her forgiveness could never be hers. It often felt like two steps forward and ten steps backwards. She had to learn that healing was not about feelings, that she had to look at Him instead of herself and that in fact she was making great progress in spite of what she felt. Now, four years later, she is an amazing speaker giving talks at our retreats and helping many other women on their healing journey.
I often feel concern when I read articles or hear people speak about those post abortive as if they will never be able to feel peace and joy in their lives again, as if there is a limit to God’s mercy. Granted, some people may not ever again feel that peace and joy, but not because it is not possible, it is because they cling to themselves instead of clinging to Mercy Himself.
We can all tell our stories about our abortions, and there is definitely a time and place for that. With the help of God it can contribute to changing minds and hearts about abortion, and with His help, sway someone contemplating the act. Our stories can touch the hearts of politicians showing that it is not a good for women and they can also move the steadfast pro aborts to recognize the pain it has caused to countless people. Our stories can also make those suffering not feel so alone, but our stories alone do not bring healing.
Post abortion healing is about bringing souls to Christ, souls lost to Him through abortion. Knowing firsthand the horrors of living with abortion, the despair, guilt, shame, anxiety, (I could go on and on), I also know the total and complete forgiveness of God, and want those suffering to know it is there for them as well. You truly can have joy in your life again. Not only can you have it, but God desires you to have it! That is exactly why He died on the cross, and, your aborted children desire it as well.
Some people fear that promoting that message will somehow make abortion seem ok to people. Hey, you have an abortion, go for healing and all will be well. But that is not truth. Healing is in fact, a crucifixion. There is a price to pay for sin. A deep suffering that calls you to the cross of Christ and death to yourself. A journey to humility, seeing yourself in the truth of Christ and trusting in His love enough that you know in your heart He died for you, not because of who you are or because you deserve it, but because of who He is. It is a death to your selfishness and self-will, a death to bad behaviors and a birth to a new life in Jesus Christ.
Healing from abortion is not about us and what we have done. It is about Jesus Christ and what He has done. It is about taking the focus off of us and placing it on Him. It is learning about post abortion through the light of His love for us so that we are sustained and able to carry our cross to Calvary. It is about trusting in His love enough to willingly allow ourselves to be crucified out of love, His love for us. It is about being willing to climb on the cross with Him, because we totally believe in His mercy, love, and forgiveness. It is about allowing that deep love to consume us and heal us, knowing when we reach healing, no one and nothing can take that from us ever again.
As more and more post abortive people reach this healing, a healing truly free from despair, anxiety, guilt, and shame, because it is no longer about us, more and more people who are suffering will say “I want what he/she has." They will then have the courage to travel to their own crucifixion. These souls, once joined with Christ, will help to end abortion, not because of their war story, but because they have met Jesus Christ and He has transformed the evil of abortion, a sin so horrific, with His love and mercy. In the end, He the only one that can end abortion.
Posted at 08:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
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