I always used to think forgiveness had to do with feelings. That it was complete when the pain I was feeling from being hurt had been worked through and I was not feeling it anymore.
As I have grown in faith and love of God, I have come to find that is far from the truth. Forgiveness has nothing to do with what I am feeling. It is a decision I make because I do not want to carry around bitterness and resentment, and most of all because I choose to do God's will in spite of what I feel.
Do I always succeed? Of course not. There are times when I act on emotions, lash out, say too much and sadly sin greatly because of my hurt, but when it is over, I am sorry, can choose to confess and receive Gods forgiveness and decide to forgive again. That is the great grace of our faith.
We are all human and it is hard to forgive when we have been touched to our core, but as I continue to grow older I have found that my confidence and love can truly come from only one source, Jesus Christ. The rest of us are flawed. We hurt others, even ourselves. We sin and I am sure each of us will shudder when we come face to face with hurts we ourselves have caused. We are called to love each other through it, to forgive others as we ourselves want to be forgiven.
Of course, this does not mean accepting continual unacceptable behavior if someone chooses not to change or try, forgiveness does not mean allowing yourself to be abused, but it does mean letting go of the bitterness, praying for those who hurt us and those we have hurt and trusting in the transforming love of God whose unconditional love gives us the ability to continue to grow in His love and forgiveness and mercy for others as well as ourselves !
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. " Luke 6:36
