Reclaiming Our Children

God Loves You

 

 

Unplanned

I have not seen Unplanned yet but plan to this weekend. I do know it has graphic scenes and I have already had a few calls from women who have been in recovery for years who felt traumatized after seeing the film. While I am sure it is a great movie, especiallly to educate pro choicers and those on the fence to the truth of abortion and Planned Parenthood,  it is not for everyone.

If you are post abortive and considering going to see the filn please pray and look at why you want to go before you go? It really is ok not to go if that is what you decide. In any event be forwarned there are some graphic scenes.

Here is a review by Clarissa Lapinsiki, the Project Rachel person , who facilitates the Entering Canaan Retreat model in Ohio...I thought it was one of the best things I have read on the film from a post abortive perspective.

 

If you haven’t seen the movie UnPlanned I will reveal parts of the movie in the paragraphs below. You may want to keep scrolling.
Last night I attended a pre screening of the movie UnPlanned with my daughter Lauren. With all the talk going on about it I wanted to say a few words as a post abortive woman. First, a confession, I really did not want to go see this movie. If you know me then you know I’m a very sensitive soul and with the work that I do every day (helping women/men who’ve had abortions) I told myself I understood full well what abortion is and what it does to women therefore I didn’t need to put myself through watching it. if it weren’t for the fact that I had the opportunity to speak to those attending I’m sure I wouldn’t have went at all. Which leads me to share with you a thing about post abortion healing. In my opinion, the more a woman heals from her abortion the more real it becomes. There is more intense grief as she develops full awareness of what she has done and a deeper sense of loss of her unborn child/children. Often when women begin the healing process they have lived years in denial and it takes time for her to allow herself to really feel the impact of her abortion/abortions. So, for me, because I am so aware, I had anxiety about seeing this movie and how I would respond especially since I was seeing it with my daughter. After all, she is in the process of her own healing journey and I was worried this would also be difficult for her. All of this made me question just how “healed” I truly was. Of course, it was the enemy but it really made me doubt.
So here are a few things I want to share about my experience. First, some of the scenes are intense as they should be. But let me say, they are depicted accurately. Maybe you think since it was on the big screen they made it more dramatic but let me tell you, if anything, it didn’t come close to just how horrifying surgical and chemical abortions are. If you’ve seen the movie take a moment to reflect on that. As I watched the scenes of the two types of abortions as well as the young girl who almost died, my heart could barley handle it. it broke for the millions of women who’ve gone through it who are now left with deep wounds that will last a lifetime. It broke for their families who would now see what they have been through. I personally know these women and their family members and their stories. They have shared them with me and I can’t tell you how deeply it hurts to not be able to take their pain away. Abortion is forever....
Second, I was very moved by the scene where they prayed over the remains of the children. It was powerful and it touched a part of my soul where my daughter lives and I wept for her and all of the other children who were killed so brutally and then discarded like trash.
Third, there was another scene where Abby is stroking her child’s head as she lays asleep in the crib and I was reminded of all that I’ve missed with my aborted daughter and also I felt a deep sense of gratitude for our new baby James despite how rough the past 3 1/2 months have been. it reminded me what I already know and we repeated out loud last night. YOU MATTER...ALL LIFE MATTERS.
Lastly, I left the movie with a couple things to pray hard for. One, that people who come to see the movie would leave with a greater compassion towards women who’ve had abortions. What they need more than anything is your love and forgiveness. Leave the judgment to God because only He knows the heart ️. Two, that people would have a greater compassion for those who work in the abortion industry and will try to build relationships with them. Most truly feel they are helping women and many, like Abby, have had abortions themselves. Three, that more people will see the need to be out on the sidewalk and sign up to train through our new SAFL program. It was their prayers and peaceful, loving presence that led Abby to them. PLEASE MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN DOING THIS OR WOULD LIKE TO BE A PRAYER PARTNER FOR THOSE THAT ARE! We will have a training coming soon!
Final thoughts...if you see this movie and it brings up painful memories please reach out to a local post abortion ministry for help. Hope and healing is possible. If you are questioning whether or not to go see this movie I would lean on the side of going...it may be hard but worth it. Whatever you decide know that God is ok with it and it doesn’t determine where you are in your healing or whether or not you care about abortion. If you do go, bring a few friends or someone who’s maybe on the fence when it comes to abortion. Be prepared for discussion afterwards and have information on post abortion healing programs in your area.
With greater resolve I will press forward to do what I can to bring Christ’s Mercy to others and to end abortion. Many times I have contemplated quitting the fight but know it is only a sign that the end is near. Abortion IS happening in a neighborhood near you. Won’t you join me in the effort to end it?

First place in running

If there were medals handed out for running from your feelings I would bet those who have had an abortion could take first place!

It is amazing what denial, justification and rationalization can do to protect us from ourselves. Needed defenses, especially if you have not been in contact with or found resources to help you look at your abortion and get through the pain with Gods grace.

It is not unusual to have someone come forward after decades looking for the help they need in order to heal. 

Fiona was a 93 year old woman who had written to Father Benedict Groeschel who then passed her letter on to me. She had three abortions in her thirties that she had told no one about but they had haunted her for over 60 years.

Fiona's husband was an violent alcoholic, and raising three children on her own was already so difficult she honestly believed at the time it was her only option. In her heart Fiona knew what she did was wrong, but she buried her feeling for decades, keeping busy raising her living children and terrified that someone would find out what she had done.

She finally wrote to Father benedict out of desperation wondering if in fact God could forgive her for her sins.. She was searching for Gods forgiveness and healing knowing at 93 she did not have much time left on this earth and finally facing what she had done years before.

Fiona and I communicated for months  as I learned of her hidden grief and years of suffering. Thanks be to God she was able to confess to a priest and come to reconciliation for the unborn babies she had aborted decades before.

Fiona had passed on now, but she left this world in peace having reconciled with God, herself and her unborn children who she was to meetin eternal life.

Are you suffering from a past abortion. Don't wait decades to seek peace and healing. God wants to heal you now and help is available.

Come home to His mercy this Lent!

The Annunciation

"Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord.
May it be done to me according to your word (will)"

It is hard to do things according to God's "will." It seems to fly against our very nature.
Our culture promotes many things that are offensive to God and I think that we become so accustomed to some of the things we do not even recognize how offensive they are.We need to always be on alert.

Unlike Mary who said "yes" to God with no hesitation, I often battle with myself many times when He asks something of me. Especially if it has to do with stepping out of my comfort zone and opening myself up to self sacrifice. But isn't that what He asks of us?  The same thing He did...self sacrifice. Dying to self for the love of others.

Even in my healing, I remember being resistant to the many helps He put in my way. I did not want to go for counseling, to learn post abortion's impact, I struggled each time I went to see my spiritual director. I was afraid to look at myself. and afraid to find out how bad I thought I was.

The funny thing is, once I conquer my will I was always so glad that I followed His instead of mine!

We all said "no" to God when it came to our unborn children. Unlike Mary, we rejected the gift of life that God gave us. Let us not reject His promptings in our life now as we entrust our healing to His care like Mary whose "yes" resounded always to Jesus.

Fostering Compassion in the Pro Life Movement

I am sorry if I have posted this before but lately I have been reading so many disturbing things on FB etc, that I thought it was worth repeating...(adapted from a talk 2003) So, another ten years and millions more dead and wounded, but it still is applicable...

Fostering Compassion in the Pro Life Movement

 I recently purchased a book titled, “In the Arms of Mary” to give as Christmas presents.  With forwards by four Cardinals and raves by both them and lay people alike, I decided to take the risk.  When it arrived, I naturally began to browse through it to see what it was like.  It began to touch my heart in a profound way.  One copy quickly became my own as I prayed through its pages and recognized that it paralleled so much of what I have experienced and seen in the pro life movement for the last 18 years and that God has sent it to me as a Christmas present .  What an appropriate thing on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception to be “in the Arms of Mary”.  What a comforting thought…

 It is often hard for us to understand why God has let this abomination of abortion go on for over 30 years.  How can he put up with it…over 40 million unborn children dead and counting.  How much mercy can he possibly have?  We may wonder “Why doesn’t he stop them from this killing?”

 The “why” I have come to believe, is just as much for us as it is for them.  He is allowing it to continue because He is being merciful to all of us.  Not only the pro choicers, but those post abortive and those pro life, for we all need to learn as “In the Arms of Mary” tells us, to pray and live as the tax collector.

 I would like to share this reading with you…Luke 18:9-14

 “He then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.  ‘Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.  The Pharisee took his position and spoke this prayer to himself, “O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity – greedy, dishonest, adulterous – or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and I pay tithes on my whole income.”  But the tax collector stood off in the distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed “O God, be merciful to me a sinner.”  I tell you the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

 The Pharisee was not visibly a sinner.  It appeared that he did all things right, but because of his attitude he robbed God of His glory.  He did not admit his own nothingness.  He attributed the good he did to himself.  As the book says, “We are vessels, we were sinners, we are sinners and we will remain sinners to the end of our earthly lives” all of us.

 From the days of activism in pro life and Operation Rescue to current activism in post abortion and Silent No More, I have seen and participated in the dynamics of the movement and have seen, and personally been during those years, both the Pharisee and tax collector.  Chances are we all have.

 Pro life:

 While there are countless wonderful people in the pro life movement, I have also heard a lot of misunderstanding.  Comments like, "I would never have an abortion" ,Or, “How can anyone have an abortion? , or, "I can understand one but how can anyone have more than one?"  --My response, thank God you cannot understand.   Thank God youhave not felt abandoned, or afraid, or that there was no other choice. Thank God for the grace that saved you from this terrible sin.

This has caused many who are post abortive to feel judged… a lack of compassion and a sure lack of invitation back to the church. It instills more of the guilt and shame post abortive people are already living with.

Many women feel the church does not offer forgiveness and they are doomed to hell.

Dave Reordon of the Elliot Institute says, “God is asking us to learn greater compassion for sinners”. 

There is a lack of understanding

It is The Prayer of the Pharisee

In the Arms of Mary says, we are all capable of committing every kind of sin

If God does not preserve us from doing so

 In the case of those post abortive there is also misunderstanding

 

My abortion keeps my sinfulness before me.  It is easy to see because it is so grave and so big, but do I see my other sins? Do I look at what I see as the Judgmentalism of pro life movement and then judge them?

Am I unwilling to recognize their behavior may be out of ignorance and a lack of understanding?

Am I unmerciful to others although I have desired mercy?

Do I look at those who hurt me or pressured me to abort and judge them in my heart giving them the blame without taking responsibility for my own actions?

Do I continue to deny my lifestyle and the things that led me to abortion to begin with?

Do I realize healing is a gift from God who loves me and not something I earn and without Him I could not even look at my abortion?

All must be given to God as Mary did.  In the Arms says:

"Only when you believe that you are loved will you adapt in the face of overwhelming difficulties, the attitude of a child, who with trust, presents oneself before its Father.  You will then find the courage to learn a deeper way about the abyss of your own wretchedness."

Have I forgotten my wretchedness and who healed me?

Is it still about me, am I only sorry because of the hurt it has caused me?

 Do I recognize my other daily sins and think because I have admitted my abortion I am humble, when in fact my recognition may have made me more prideful thinking I am humble

 In the Arms of Mary warns us to be careful of anything good.  That is true whether we are pro choice, pro life or post abortive.  We are all sinners in need of His mercy.

Maybe this is what we all need to learn through abortion.  Maybe when we have compassion and understanding for others, when we show the mercy God has shown to all, maybe then abortion will end.

Acknowledging our own sinfulness frees us – it takes us out of control and places us back in the hands of God who loves us.

We must be willing to do what God asks us, not what we want no matter what it may be, trusting in His great love for us as Mary did.  We must keep our eyes on Him and what He is asking of us instead of looking at others.

We must imitate and entrust ourselves to Mary as our Mother, allowing her to carry us in her arms knowing she will always lead us to her son.  What better place can there be?

 To be able to have the prayer of the tax collector we must admit that even the fact that we are here tonight is a gift from God.  Nothing comes from us, and only He can end abortion.

 May we all pray the prayer of the tax collector:

For as the book says:

I have only my sins

But you love me Lord

To order the book:

http://www.inthearmsofmary.org/inthearmsofmaryrevised2ndeditionbyscbielasoftbackrevisededition.aspx

In His Presence

I believe we all have different struggles after having an abortion. For
me, I never believed that God had forgiven me or that I could ever forgive
myself. Anytime I would go to confession, I would confess my sins of
abortion until one day I started going to the same priest and he said to
me, "you don't have to confess that anymore...God has forgiven you." And
even though this made me feel better, I couldn't understand how it was
possible.

One of my biggest challenges was my pride. I would hear Theresa say it
time and time again, "Do not let your pride stand in the way of your
healing." My thought process was that I wasn't proud of what I had done, I
was embarrassed and ashamed. I would say to myself over and over, "I can't
believe I could have done something like this...and not just once." You
see I didn't realize it at the time, but by telling myself things like that
is was as if I believed I was above sin, like, I was too perfect to do
something as grave a sin as abortion. And it was hard to accept that this
was in fact my pride.

One of the greatest steps I took in this healing process was taking time
each day to sit before the Blessed Sacrament. I have done this for the
past 11 years and I can't even tell you the things that have been revealed
to me about who God truly is and about myself. I remember the time I
brought this whole pride thing to Jesus to try and sort it out and as I
looked up at the cross and saw Him hanging there, I began to see it so
differently. There He was, after he had been beaten, humiliated, spit at
nailed to a cross and hung there in agony for hours, and all I could think
about is how could that not be enough for my sins? As if I needed Him to
do something "grander" than that for me.

We all have our own struggles, but I believe we all carry the same shame,
guilt and pride. But the good news is God's gifts of mercy and love are
greater and bigger than any of those things. We just need to be humble and
gracious enough to accept them. -V

 

Prophet for Life

In the story of the poor man Lazarus and the rich man we find that although the rich man saw Lazarus’ suffering, did nothing to help him. We are told Lazarus would have been happy with the scraps from the rich man’s table, and yet he received none.

When the rich man dies, he is thrown into a place of torment and begs to have Lazarus come and bring him relief for he sees Lazarus now safe beside Abraham.

He said, 'Then I beg you, father, send him
to my father's house,
for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them,
lest they too come to this place of torment.'

The rich man is convinced that if his brothers are warned they will change their lives and do what is right, but Abraham reminds him that  they all had been warned by Moses and the prophets but they did not listen.

The message of life is not a new one. The sanctity of human life is a message that has been proclaimed from the beginning of time by the church. Most of us knew in our hearts before our abortions that it was wrong to have one. Obviously, most of us were far from the truth of God when made that decision.  Many of us wanted to believe the lie that life would return to the way it was before the pregnancy if we killed our unborn children.

Some women speak of those who are outside of the clinics and believe that if someone was out there when they went, they would not have aborted. Other saw those outside of clinics and got angry because they were there. In truth, when we are far from God we ignore His commands, and we never really know what we would have done if situations were different.

 We are all called to be prophets in this time of great destruction of human life. That does not mean anyone has to be “Silent No More” about their abortions, but it does mean we need to work in some way to protect human life. That may be speaking out, or talking one on one, working in a ministry, or financially supporting a ministry that protects life. Only God, through a good spiritual director ,can direct each one in their obligation depending on each life circumstance. Certainly we all can pray to end the attacks against life.

Today pray that you may become a prophet for life in the way God chooses.

 

St. Joseph

As a single parent, I always entrusted by children to St. Joseph, to protect them as he protected Jesus and Mary since they did not have a dad active in their lives.  

In my room at home, I also have a small fetal model in the arms of my statue of St Joseph to symbolize my aborted son Joshua, safe within his arms along with the baby Jesus.

Sometimes, I do not think of him as often as I used to now that my sons are grown men, but I still do believe that he is watching over them... all three of them.

There is a quiet peacefulness in my heart regarding St. Joseph, an advocate in healing and a gentle source of comfort, knowing he is a protector.

As we celebrate his feast day today, may we thank God for the gift of this humble man, who by his trustful surrender, accepted Mary as his wife and nurtured and protected the child Jesus as he does each of us today.

Letting Go

Can you imagine the awe of Pete, James and John when they saw Jesus transfigured before them? And then, to have him speaking to Moses and Elijah and hearing God’s voice! No wonder they wanted to freeze the time and put up tents! I could always relate to their desire to want to cling to that moment where they experienced part of heaven.

It is difficult to hold on when we feel we are walking in darkness and do not feel the presence of God.  Especially in the beginning of our healing. We do not believe He can be there for us. In contrast,  it is hard not to want to cling to moments that makes us feel special, or loved more than others, like Peter James and John with the Transfiguration.  

It is against our human nature to want to suffer, yet, as we know, much suffering was in store for Peter, James and John before they were to gaze on the radiance of Jesus forever. Yet, that moment of glory was given to them by God and gave them the courage and strength to move forward when times got tough.

There may be moments in your healing where you feel “transfigured”. Where you are embraced by God and immersed in His grace. Chances are, you will want to “put up a tent”, but like Peter, James and John you will be off of the mountain again and there will be more healing and growing to do.

In those moments, remember that God is with you even if you do not feel His presence, and take solace in remembering and gaining courage and strength to continue the good fight through the grace of God .

Today make an act of faith and trust in God’s presence in your healing both on and off the mountain!

Forgiveness

"If you forgive men their transgressions,
your heavenly Father will forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men,
neither will your Father forgive your transgressions." It can be so hard to forgive if we have been coerced into abortion or if those around us did not support us.  Just as we often feel we can never be forgiven, we also often times feel like we cannot forgive people who may have abandoned us or forced us to abort our unborn children. We think, how can anyone expect you to do that? Yet, that is exactly what God asks us to do. Forgive those who “trepass against  us”.  I remember how hard it was for me to forgive my dad who pressured me into abortion as a teen. I had to make up mind that I was going to do it, and not once, but over and over and over again. I had to show him the mercy that God had shown me.   Chances are, my unforgiveness never really affected my dad, but it tormented me because it separated me from  God’s peace. Not easy I admit, and without constant prayer and the grace of God, impossible. But with His help, in time, I was able to forgive, and that forgiveness gave me peace because I was doing Gods will. “It is not easy to love with a deep love, which lies in the authentic gift of self. This love can only be learned by penetrating the mystery of God's love. Looking at him, being one with his fatherly heart, we are able to look with new eyes at our brothers and sisters, with an attitude of unselfishness and solidarity, of generosity and forgiveness. All this is mercy!” ( Pope JPII Homily at canonization of St Faustina)  I learned to feel sorrow for my dad instead of anger as my relationship with God grew...I learned to show him the mercy God had shown me, instead of judging him. It took years, but it happened, and in the end God allowed me to be an instrument, through my forgiveness, not my anger, to bring my dad back to Him.  

Today think about who you need to forgive in your abortion experience and offer some prayers for that intention.