There is one thing I know for sure. You cannot do this work without being under attack much of the time. I guess it is the same with any work where souls are involved. Healing of one soul often leads to a domino effect where countless souls return to God. Something I am sure Satan does not like.
I am not going to lie, it is very difficult sometimes, and when I am in the midst of an attack coming from every side, it can become hard to hold on. Like Peter in the storm, I begin to panic and start to sink. A sure sign I have taken my eyes off of Him. I have been there enough times to know I just need to ride it out, to stay faithful,in spite of what I am feeling, but in the middle of the storm my emotions often take over and instead of “being still” I often bounce around. Thank God, like with Peter he comes to save me "of such little faith".
I have begun a new prayer. A prayer of gratitude for my poverty in all its forms. In money, in material possessions, in support, in hiddeness,all of our poverty. Satan uses that poverty to try to get me to believe the work is not blessed, but I have come to see, that in fact, it is the complete opposite.
In spite of how small we are, hundreds of women, men and siblings are aided in their healing every year. Our workshops and talks, web site etc, reach tens of thousands, but mostly, the truth is, I do not really know how many He touches, and, it is not my business. I do not need to know. All I need is to keep focused on doing His will for me day by day.
Still, the devil knows how to push our buttons and I must admit there are times when it is hard to hear of organizations bringing in millions, or those who have a ton of support, yet, He is teaching me, my poverty is a gift from Him. A huge gift.
Recently, I have begun a new daily prayer of gratitude for this poverty, (even if I am not “feeling “grateful). A gift of poverty that constantly teaches me, all that matters is that I do His will because in the end, as Mother Theresa said, it is only about me & Him.
A gift that keeps me aware of my dependence on Him daily, in everything, knowing that perhaps if not, I would think it was me!
A gift that teaches me to empty myself so that He can act. A gift that hides me from many of the things I am sure would be displeasing to Him because it keeps my “self” in check. A gift that keep me knowing that without Him I can do nothing. A gift that keeps me on the floor in the bathroom the day of my healing years ago where His mercy touched me…the place no one can take from me and where He joined me to Him forever. A gift of watching lives heal and return to Him to find joy again.
A gift that reminds me of what Saint Claude de la Colombiere said in this prayer:
Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others.
Other people will glorify You
by making visible the power of Your grace
by their fidelity and constancy to You.
For my part I will glorify You
by making known how good You are to sinners,
that Your mercy is boundless
and that no sinner no matter how great his offences
should have reason to despair of pardon.
If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer,
let me not offend You even more
by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me.
Amen.
Thank you Lord for the gift of poverty in all its forms. Help me to cling to you daily and to keep my eyes on you every second of my life. Protect me from the enemy and from myself. Lord, I know that you love me, help me to manifest that love and mercy to others so that they too can come to know You in their poverty.
