Reclaiming Our Children

The Art of Enabling

Enable. Verb; to make possible or easy
The Art of Enabling

One of the toughest things I had to learn when I became a drug and alcohol abuse counselor was how not to enable the clients entrusted to my care.

It was a painful lesson. A lesson that challenged me to look at myself and decide if what I was doing was truly for the good of my client, or was it somehow fulfilling the desire I had to be needed and to be a success.

Though at the time I didn’t think so, I had a great supervisor, I thought she was picking on me, but in reality she taught me many valuable lessons that I applied in my own healing from abortion and carried into my work with others who were suffering. I often say that God, in those days, was preparing me to develop “Entering Canaan” . Sometimes what is necessary and good for people in healing is not what we want to do, and things that might make us totally uncomfortable we do anyway for the good of their healing.

I will never forget one young man I had as a client. It is no secret that when you do counseling, you are naturally drawn to some personalities while other bring out countertransference issues. I was definitely enabling him, until my supervisor called me on the carpet for it, pointing out the many ways I was acting counterproductive to his sobriety. I had to learn that it was crucial for me to remain objective for the good of the treatment of the client, whether I personally liked them or not.

It was not always easy. But, amazingly, sometimes the clients I had the most aversion to were who I ended up loving the most. A lesson from God for sure.

When people seek healing, whether from drug and alcohol abuse or abortion, or anything else, they can tend cling to those helping them because it is the first time they feel they are being heard, understood, and accepted in spite of their  sins. Accompanying a person while they heal, however, means helping the person to become whole and independent. It means wanting them to learn what they need for healing and providing the tools so eventually they will not need your accompaniment anymore.

Healing from abortion requires you to take an honest look at your personal abortion experience, learn what your personal abortion connectors are discover ways to deal with them so they do not impact your life. It also requires you to take advantage of those who went before you to learn the tricks of the trade and what worked for them in the hopes that some may work for you as well. It means turning your life over to God who knows all of your sins and forgives you in the sacrament, and trying, one day at a time, to live life according to His will for you, not someone else’s.

It is easy to become so grateful for someone who seems to understand you after abortion . After all, many of us have been carrying the weight for years, living in hell before we step out for healing. But, we must be sure that we do not lose ourselves in others because we do not trust ourselves. We must trust God and seek the healing that He has in store for each of us as the individual person He created us to be, and not what others want us to become.

We need to prayerfully consider in what ways He then wants us to reach out, again, not in ways that others may want, because we feel guilty, or that we need to make up for our abortions, but because it is truly His will. 

Through proper help and spiritual direction, life can, and will be good again. Healing does not mean you will forget, but it does mean that you will have His peace and trust in His promises and that you live each day trying to do His will for you by His grace.

Surrendering Our Sin & Misery After Abortion

"Is it possible that by our 'goodness' we are trying to earn God's love? Is it possible that we will receive love from our Creator only in exchange for our achievements and virtues? After all, isn't it true that the only possible exchange that can take place between God and a creature is receiving His forgiveness and His mercy 'in return' for surrendering our sins and misery to Him?" (God Alone Suffices, pg. 106)

Surrendering our sins and misery. Sounds like it should be so easy. Who wants to hold on to “sins and misery," yet, we do. We sometimes cling to them as if they were our best friends! Sometimes it is so difficult to let go even when we do not want that which we cling to.  Even sin and misery can become familiar and comfortable!

Over the years I have met many women and men who have refused to let go of the pain of their abortions. I am not saying it is something they do consciously, but they believe they do not deserve to be forgiven, or they are not ready to make changes in their lives. Many are afraid to trust. Who can blame them? Often it was those who were supposed to love them that pressured them to abort?

They may mouth the words of wanting to have the pain go away, and yet they cling to the suffering, refusing to feel any relief. In some ways, I think this is because they are afraid that if they “surrender” their pain to God, they are somehow denying their children again. They think they would forget them, as if this were possible.

In some cases, they want to continue to punish themselves. They believe abortion is the unforgivable sin putting a limit on God's mercy. Others think they need to somehow make up for their abortion before they can surrender, and so they occupy themselves in a million ways, as if it were possible to make up for the taking of their child’s life.

We cannot earn God’s love. Most importantly, we do not have to. It has, and will continue to always be there, for God is Love and Mercy itself.

Healing from our sins is not something He gives in the future, it exists in the present moment. It exists in the turning our lives and our wills over to Him who died for our “sins and misery," and trusting in love enough to receive His "forgiveness and mercy.” It is in knowing His love for us and trusting that He is constantly leading us into union with Him no matter what sins we have committed in the past if we are truly sorry and are trying to live life in His grace.

So, let go… surrender your sins and your misery.  It may be scary at first and more often than not you may find you have to let go over and over again.  But, when you do, you will not forget your child or your sins, but instead He will transform them both into channels of His grace and you will live in gratitude for the Mercy He has shown you.

Melt Down

So, I admit it. Today I am having a melt down. In a few minutes the graveside service to bury my cousin will begin and I cannot be there. Only five people are allowed.

It's hard. The entire thing has been hard and I shudder to think of all the people this is happening to and the suffering they are going through even as I write this. At least Mike is getting a gravesite service. Some do not even get this.

The sickness is bad enough. Sudden. One minute they are getting dropped off at a hospital, no hugs, no real goodbyes, no visits, no opportunity for the family to comfort them or for that matter to  comfort each other because of the restrictions. Just waiting for a daily update from a nurse, who selflessly, not only cares for them, but keeps the family informed. It can be a roller coaster ride...up and down, up and down. One day some hope, another it is shattered.

In the end, Mike did not make it. His organs shut down, kidneys, heart, lungs. It was just too much. The nurse told his wife Donna they were with him when he died so he would not be alone. They played soft music and held his hand. I wonder how many hands they have held in the past few weeks...more I am sure than they ever thought they would in their careers. They are in my constant prayers.

My heart shatters for his wife, and his children and grandchildren. One of his daughters told us how her dad had taught her everything except how to live without him. I assured her, he taught her that too, by his giving heart, his love, she just did not know it yet.

Mike was a generous soul, always helping and being there for everyone in their needs. The outpouring of love has been amazing but not surprising. He lived the gospel. He was always so good to me as well, reaching out because I was a single parent and he knew how difficult that must be. I will be forever grateful.

Sadly, in recent years the busyness of life caused me not to see him much. A lesson to be learned the hard way. We put so many things before what is really important always thinking we will have more time, but sometimes we don't. Don't allow that to happen to you.

A funny story with Mike. Whenever someone was really sick in our family I would pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy. It never failed that during the novena of chaplets the person would die. Mike would always ask, "Were you saying that prayer?" I inevitably would say "yes" and he would add, "If I get  sick don't you say that prayer for me!"

Of course, he was joking, and of course I prayed it for him daily during his two weeks of hospitalization and have continued every day since his death. God's goodness cannot be undone and He, in the midst of the sorrow and suffering, brought a smile to my face. Mike died not only during the Novena to Divine Mercy but during the Novena to the Feast of Divine Mercy. I am sure Mike is very grateful I did not listen to him!

Rest in peace Mike. I know you are being embraced by Our Merciful Savior.

If I get sick, make sure you say the novena for me! If you don't know it,  I am sure someone up there can teach it to you!

 

 

 

 

The Divine Mercy Foundation Prays for Your Unborn Children

I am happy to let you all know of Jesus-The Divine Mercy Foundation website. One of their pages enables you to  submit a prayer petition and join in praying to their Patron Saints, St. Clare of Assisi, patron of girl babies and St. Francis of Assisi, patron of boy babies, uniting you spiritually to your unborn children. 

Antoni Zabierowski, Jesus – The Divine Mercy Foundation’s Co-Founder, will personally take your prayer petition to the Chapel of the miraculous image of the Merciful Jesus and the tomb of St. Faustina in Craków-Łagiewniki, Poland. There, the Sisters from the Congregation of Our Lady of Mercy will join your intention to their prayer during the Hour of Mercy at 3 PM (USA - 9 AM EST) and to the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy said in the Shrine in Krakow-Lagiewniki.  

Join us in praying with our Patron Saints:

St. Clare of Assisi, patron of girl babies

St. Francis of Assisi, patron of boy babies

O beloved St. Clare, patron of girl babies, you who in your last words
blessed the Lord for having created you, obtain for (name of parent(s))
the grace to mend the broken bond of life, restoring God's will in their parenthood. 

Intercede for the restoration and healing of the loving relationship of (his or her baby).

+ + +

O beloved St. Francis, patron of boy babies, you who blessed the Lord
for having created you, obtain for (name of parent(s)) the grace to mend
the broken bond of life, restoring Gods will in their parenthood.

Intercede for the restoration and healing of the loving relationship of (his or her baby).

Feast of Divine Mercy

For sure this day is one of my favorites. The devotion of Divine Mercy was instrumental in my  own healing from abortion and the Entering Canaan post abortion ministry is based on both this Feast and our Patroness Our Lady of Czestochowa.

Immerse yourself in HIs Mercy today. He waiting and longing for you!

“I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls,
and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender
mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who
approach the Fount of My Mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and
receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and
punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which graces flow
are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as
scarlet” (699).*

This is the special grace promised by our Lord for Divine Mercy Sunday.

You can watch the Feast at The Shrine of Divine Mercy from 12-3pm

But how can you receive this complete forgiveness of sins and remission of
all punishment with churches  closed and Confession and Communion
not available ?

Do these three things on Divine Mercy Sunday with the intention to turn
away from sin in your life (I have included them below):

* Make an Act of Contrition*
Since you are unable to get to Confession, make an Act of Contrition,
instead. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “Among the
penitent's acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is 'sorrow of
the soul and for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to
sin again'" (1451).

You thereby will be completely forgiven of all sins, even “mortal sins if
it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession
as soon as possible” (Catechism, 1452).

*Make a Spiritual Communion*
Since churches are closed and you cannot receive Holy Communion, make a
Spiritual Communion instead, asking God to come into your heart as if you
received Him sacramentally - Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. For instance,
you can say this:

Act of Contrition

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

Spiritual Communion

My Jesus, I believe that you are present in the most Blessed Sacrament. I love You above all things and I desire to receive You into my soul. Since I cannot now receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there, and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.

 

Touch Me Not

Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God. (John 20:17)

 

Many of you within the ministry are familiar with my experience of feeling spiritually called to accompany The Virgin Mary as Mary Magdalene did after the death and Resurrection of Jesus. (For those of you unfamiliar, you can listen to my talk about consecration to Mary here)

In these strange times of the pandemic, aside from praying for those sick and those who have died and their families, health care workers and all who are serving us, I have been praying that through this separation from the Jesus in the sacraments I will grow in my faith knowing He is with me at all times, the good and the bad, when I feel Him and when I don't, when I can receive Him and when I can't.

It hasn't be easy. I miss Him alot! As a daily communicant  and someone who does a daily Hour Hour, it has left a huge void in my life. At the same time, in some ways I have felt closer to Him than I ever have before. Especially in the gift of being there for those suffering. I know He is walking with me. It is a "knowing" instead of a feeling, even when my feelings are trying to tell me otherwise. It is a gift of faith.

As I pondered the words of Jesus above to Mary Magdalene after His resurrection, "Touch me Not", I could not help but think of how much she must have longed to embrace Him and how hard it must have been not to, but she knew it was His will and she knew He loved her. She may not have understood, but she trusted Him completely, and so she listened. Her faith was great, her love was great.

In contrast Jesus, when Thomas doubted He had risen, Jesus invites him to touch Him, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas' faith was still weak. He needed proof to believe.

Like Mary Magdalene, I pray to receive the grace during this Easter season, that as much as my heart longs to embrace Christ, I will know in my heart He is with me, in some ways even closer, that I will never doubt His love for me. I pray I will grow to love Him even more than before despite what I may "feel", through the gift of my faith. 

Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to umy brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God. (John 20:17)

He has Risen,

Indeed He has Risen ! Alleluia!

Good Friday

But he was wounded for our transgressions,     

crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the punishment that made us whole,

    and by his bruises we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
    we have all turned to our own way,
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 52:5-7

 

It is hard to read this scripture and not think of my abortion. My horrific sin that caused Jesus to suffer unto death, because He loves me so much and desires my salvation. But it was not only my abortion he died for, but millions of other abortions and countless other sins.

St Terese tells us, ”I am not telling you, 'You believe too much in your own wretchedness.' We are much more wretched than we ever realize. But I am telling you, 'You do not believe enough in merciful love.' We must have confidence, not in spite of our miseries, but because of them, since it is misery which attracts mercy.”

Take some time today to contemplate this great mystery of the cross. This unfathomable act of mercy.

When I work with others in the ministry who are suffering because of a past abortion, I remind them that we can never make up for our abortions, but the good news is we do not have to, Jesus already did that. We just need to have total confidence in His sacrifical love for us…a love that washes away our sins, even the sin of abortion.

 

Don't forget to begin the novena to Divine Mercy today! I will post the daily meditations here on the blog.

Holy Thursday

I anticipate tonight's Holy Thursday Mass will take on more significance as we sadly will not be able to participate in person. I never thought I took mass for granted, but in this time of the pandemic, I realize that is not true.  I think in many ways it is a blessing and I pray it will always be a reminder of the great gift we have. So many over the world are deprived of His daily presence.

I love attending daily Mass...when I don't I can feel the vacuum in my day. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am holy or always "present" to God when I am there. There are days when I am in the grocery store or doing errands in my head, I am even ashamed to say, the consecration can come and go some days without me noticing, but I know Jesus knows my humanness and my heart and that, as imperfect as it may be, I love Him. That time together each day is so important to me no matter how distracted I may unintentionally get, and I know is a mainstay for the post abortive work. 

Still a great grace I have felt in this time is that He is still with me. Intimately with me. In me. And praise be to God I feel His presence even though I am unable to receive Him. I am so grateful.

Thank you God for Holy Thursday, for loving us so much that in spite o f the fact you were going to be tormented and crucified, you thought of us and a way to remain present to us throughout time. Thank you for all of our priests who bring us Your sacraments. Bless them and keep them Always united to Your heart.

Help me to always cherish Your Presence in my life in the Eucharist.

The Agony in the Garden

Post abortive people know agony. It is something they often live with every day of their lives. The agony of knowing you participated in the death of your child through abortion.

Many times those struggling with healing are not able to understand that faith and healing often have nothing to do with what we are "feeling."

Some people think if you feel sad or are struggling you do not have faith, or that you may be ungrateful, but the Agony of Jesus in the garden shows us differently. We are fully human, as Jesus was, and what we "feel" does not define our faith. 

There is no doubt Our Lord had complete faith and trust in God, yet he cried out in the garden. He suffered. He was in pain, felt fear, and even felt abandoned by God, yet in spite of those feelings, He fulfilled the will of His Father. He lived His faith in the midst of His pain and suffering.

We too may cry out when we are being assailed by the abortion demons in our head, outside of us, or for that matter, other struggles in life. It does not mean we do not trust in God or even that we are ungrateful. It just means we are human, and humans suffer in life. In fact, it is an opportunity for us to show Him how much we do trust in Him.

What we do with that suffering is key.  Do we persevere as Jesus did, in doing Gods will? Do we pray and reach out to those who can help us or sit in isolation? And if it is not us suffering, do we help others to carry their cross thus learning to grow in love instead of telling them they should not feel that way?

The joy of our faith is not in "feelings." Feeling good is not something we do, it is a gift. Faith is in knowing. In knowing and believing in the promises of Christ. In knowing and believing He came down to earth to pay the ransom for our sins. Yes, our sin of abortion and all our other sins.

In knowing and believing He loves us no matter how we "feel" and that we love Him no matter how we "feel."

Yes, Jesus suffered His agony in the garden. An agony that took on the weight of the sin of the world, yet He continued to trust. May we always continue to trust no matter what we feel knowing His love and mercy for us.

Judas and Me

 

I can always remember thinking as a kid that I never would have betrayed Jesus like Judas had done. I couldn’t understand how he could have made that choice. It all seemed so obvious.

Now, years later and hopefully wiser, I see that I am not so different than Judas. We both thought we knew better than Jesus.

Instead of trusting in the love Jesus had for him and believing Jesus had his best interest at heart, Judas took the situation at hand on himself. Jesus was not doing things the way Judas thought He should be and the Scribes and Pharisees were looking for someone to sell Jesus out. Judas fell right into their hands, betraying Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

After the arrest, Judas felt instant remorse. The light went on and he realized what a grave mistake he had made. He realized he had sinned, “betraying innocent life.” Judas returned to the Scribes and Pharisees and gave them back the 30 pieces of silver, but they wanted no part of him anymore. They had accomplished what they had set out to do and now told him in his despair, “What do we care about that? It is your business.”

If Judas had gone to Jesus even then, if he had asked forgiveness and trusted in His love and mercy, things would have turned out differently for him. Jesus no doubt would have forgiven him and we probably would be reading the book of Judas in the Bible, speaking about the unfathomable mercy and love Jesus had shown him.

But Judas did not do that; his pride and continued lack of trust held him back. Instead of admitting what he had done and seeking forgiveness he gave in to despair and went and hanged himself.

When I think of my abortion, I realize I too sold Jesus out. I did not trust in the love and mercy of God or His divine providence enough to know He would have taken care of both me and my unborn child. I decided to give in to pressure, to trust that others knew better than God. I decided to allow my abortion to happen.

The Scribes and Pharisees are not unlike our society today. Once my abortion was accomplished the chant of society seemed to be, “What is that to us? It is your business,” — leaving me feeling once again, as I did before my abortion, that no one cared enough to listen or support my feelings.

I am not alone. There are thousand upon thousands of women out there experiencing the same feelings I had. Very often they have been pressured into abortion by husbands, boyfriends, friends or family, and then are left to grieve alone. Ashamed and despairing, their voices often go unheard in the abortion debate.

In this Lenten season, I invite them not to give in to their despair as Judas did, but to gaze at the cross. On the cross is love and mercy itself — Jesus, who died for our sins. Even the sin of abortion.

 

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