Not to put a damper on things, but all this excitement about Pope Francis naming this “The Year of St Joseph”, may not be exciting or comforting to some. In particular of course, I am thinking of women who have had an abortion.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Saint Joseph and I pray to him each day, but if I were to be honest, I would have to admit it has not always been smooth sailing.
I know I am not the only one that feels this way.
In my case, I went from being coerced into an abortion by my father as a teenager, to an unhealthy marriage because I did not think I deserved anything better. Later, after my conversion into the church, I experienced a spiritual betrayal by someone I trusted deeply. Not a great track record, and certainly lacking the concept of a loving father who protects and guides.
After my initial conversion which led me back to the church, I did develop a relationship with St Joseph. As a single parent, I entrusted myself and my sons to him. Each day I asked him to protect my boys and provide, as their spiritual father, what I was unable to. To watch over them and guide them. They had been abandoned by their dad and I seriously had no clue about raising boys having come from a household of all girls.
As part of this entrustment, I placed a model of an unborn baby in the arms of a statute I had of St Joseph to symbolize Joshua, my aborted son. It still is there to this day.
Now, I am not saying men are responsible for all abortions, we all know there are women who claim the “my body, my choice” rhetoric and give the father no say, or do not even tell them, but there are also countless numbers of coerced abortions. Boyfriends who push for the abortion promising fairytales lives at a future date, husbands who threaten to leave if a pregnancy is carried to term, and parents who threaten or carry out abandonment if their request for an abortion is not followed through.
For these women, the gentle, protecting arm of St Joseph can be foreign and unrealistic, and it can take time for them to even be open to the possibility that men like this do in fact exist.
After my spiritual betrayal I distanced from St Joseph. I am not even sure if I noticed, but suddenly the prayers were not said and although the unborn baby was still in his arms, I could not relate to him anymore. It was not a conscious decision, but a shield of protection because I felt he was just another man who had let me down. It took time to heal before before I ventured near to him again.
In Pope Francis’ Apostolic Letter, entitled Patris corde (“With a Father’s Heart”) he tells us "Each of us can discover in Joseph, the man who goes unnoticed, a daily, discreet and hidden presence – an intercessor, a support and a guide in times of trouble" .
In the end, I have come to know that is exactly what St Joseph has been , a hidden presence, a support, and guide. He has always been there waiting, interceding and guiding when things have not gone well, taking care of things in his quiet, faithful way showing me the trouble has never really been with him who has always loved me with a father's heart, it just took time for me to learn what that love was all about.
