Reclaiming Our Children

Lenten Meditation - March 22, 2021

Todays Reading: Monday Fifth week of Lent

Meditation

In both the first reading from the book of Daniel, concerning the beautiful and faith-filled Susanna and in the Gospel reading from John in which the Scribes and Pharisees bring the woman caught in adultery to Jesus for His judgement, I am struck by the harsh punishments of those times pronounced upon anyone found guilty of violating the Laws of Moses.  Considering my sins, especially the sin of abortion, I am eternally grateful for the “unfathomable mercy” of our Lord Jesus Christ, and for my salvation through His life, death and resurrection.

When I think back, to those 40 years ago, I remember the dread and fear I felt while imagining the judgements of all those around me should they find out I was pregnant. What would have been said about me if I had decided to raise a child on my own. I was not a God-fearing woman like Susanna.  I was concerned only with what people would think of me.  The imagined words of my friends, family and co-workers resounded in my head... ‘I was only starting out’… ‘I had my whole life ahead of me.’   My hope was to have married the man I was engaged to – but he wanted no part in raising a child at that point in our relationship.

I think of Susanna and her upbringing by her pious parents. I too was brought up by faith-filled parents, who taught me to have faith in God. Yet, I did not have the strong faith and the courage of Susanna.  She was faced with death for a transgression that she did not commit. I did not have a strong enough faith, nor the humility to allow God to guide me in making the right decision. At that point in my life, I was slipping away from God – conveniently forgetting all that I had been taught so that I could live a carefree life.  Without a strong faith and a God-centered life, I caved very easily to pressure and made the awful decision to abort my child.

So many of us who have made that decision thought we could just move on and things would return to normal; that our lives would get back on track. Once I faced the memory of what I had done, I could only imagine the punishment I deserved. I was sure that I would be condemned forever. I went back and forth trying to resolve the pain in my heart and the conflict in my mind. For a time, I denied the truth of the Catholic faith. I tried to believe that what I was taught may not be completely true…maybe Heaven or Hell didn’t exist. Maybe sin didn’t really matter; and for many years, I went on to live an empty life, denying the gravity of what I had done. But one can deny the conscience completely for a while, but somewhere on the journey through life, the memory emerges.  If we are blessed by the Grace of God to seek help and call upon the faith we were taught, He will guide us to the path of forgiveness and healing.

Through his complete love for us, we have been given the Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska.   Through His revelations to her, Jesus tells Sr. Faustina: “Apostle of My mercy, proclaim to the whole world My Unfathomable Mercy” Diary 1142.  His message to Sr. Faustina throughout the book is that He wants the salvation of souls more than anything else.  He gives her the Chaplet and Image of Divine Mercy, so that we can pray for the conversion and salvation of one another. But he lets us know that we must have faith in Him, and we must ask for his forgiveness. He tells Sr. Faustina…” But for Me to be able to act upon a soul, the soul must have faith. O how pleasing to Me is living faith!” Diary 1420.  By praying for others, for souls who are lost, we can play a role in bringing about the conversion of the worst sinners.

As for ourselves, we often think ”this sin is too awful to be forgiven.”  But throughout the Diary, we are told that no sin is too great for His Mercy. One of the choices for the Gospel acclamation for today states:  “ I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked man, says the Lord, but rather in his conversion, that he may live.” (Ez 33:11)  From today’s Gospel (John *1-11),  I imagine standing before a crowd like the woman caught in adultery and feeling the shame. But then, I also imagine looking into the eyes of Jesus and feeling His love and forgiveness fill my soul.  I am grateful that by His Grace, I have been forgiven.   

I invite you today, to get a copy of Saint Faustina’s Diary.  Read the words of Jesus and feel the sincerity of His message. Our Lord wants you to know of His Mercy and His Love for every soul. His forgiveness is present to all of us for the asking ~ we must only ask from the heart. - Marybeth

Lenten Meditation- March 21, 2021

Todays Readings: Fifth Sunday of Lent

 

Meditation:

The regret is so great, its been over 40 years, I gave her up for what… a prideful, self-centered
career. When I see my friends and family with their children and grandchildren celebrating life
events, births, baptisms, confirmations and weddings, the pain of regret pierces my heart. I
gave up a little one’s life for material success.

I thought the decision I made when I was just a teenager would “take care of things” so I could proceed with “my” plans for my life. Well it never really did; it was buried deep in my heart and mind. It was the underlying reason of living a somewhat double life. Attending mass Sunday but going back to a life of partying, drinking, and unhealthy relationships, deeply masking the pain and looking for “love” in all the wrong places. Never opening my heart enough to allow the only One who had the power to extend compassion and mercy and truly love me as I so longed for. Healing slowly came, it is amazing how God can break through and work all things into good. Meditation practice slowly opened my heart to thinking about and asking that little girl who didn’t have a chance at life to forgive me.
Asking God to forgive me was another matter

The self-loathing condemnations repeated in my mind until the ultimate occurred. I was broken and at rock bottom. However, God miraculously saved me from a suicide attempt.  While my journey has taking many ups and downs it was the Lumina post abortion healing retreat that showed me HIS love. A safe place where I surrendered myself to Gods’ unwavering mercy. I could relate personally to the words of today’s psalmist, (psalm 51), words that became my words.  “Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness and compassion wipe out my offense. Thoroughly wash me of my guilt and cleanse me of my sin. Create a clean heart in me of God.”

And as I reflect on the Gospel of John 12:20 where Jesus says:

unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, 
it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.
Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world
will preserve it for eternal life.

The ways of my former life have died, and I continue to turn my ways to the one who has graced me with the hope and promise of eternal life with God.  -Anonymous

Lenten Meditation - March 20, 2021

 Todays Reading : Saturday of the fourth week of Lent

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Meditation

The Prophet Jeremiah cries out, “Yet I, like a trusting lamb led to slaughter,
had not realized that they were hatching plots against me: Let us destroy the tree in its vigor;
let us cut him off from the land of the living, so that his name will be spoken no more.”

It is hard to live in the world today where abortion is often in the news, whether it is during an election cycle or when laws on lifting restrictions are being challenged or passed. For those of us who know the devastation that abortion brings, it is often a painful reminder of how we were deceived and led down a path of lies and false promises. When we hear the news, it can be a time where frustration and anger arise. I find myself often yelling at the TV or lamenting out loud after I have read an article. Why don’t people see the truth? Why do they ignore the science when it comes to human life? Why are well known Catholic politicians and clergy complacent and refuse to speak out on the evil of abortion?

“O LORD, my God, in you I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and rescue me,
Lest I become like the lion’s prey, to be torn to pieces, with no one to rescue me.”

When I try to reason with others presenting the truth in a rational and loving way, I am often confronted with all the talking points and false narratives that accompany this issue. It is only in those times if I am able to share my own story, that some stop to listen and have a different view. The truth will set you free.

“This is truly the Prophet. Others said, this is the Christ. So, a division occurred in the crowd because of him. Some of them even wanted to arrest him, but no one laid hands on him”.

Jesus knows our pain. He knows what it is like to be rejected. He knows what it is like to confront others who believe their truth is the only truth. He came into this world to teach all to repent of our sins and believe in and spread the Gospel. Many never believed, calling him a false prophet. In John’s Gospel today, the Pharisees argued that Jesus was not from the right town, so he was not to be listened to. We face similar rejection when we are coming from a place that is different from others. We have experienced the darkness. Through our own healing journeys, we begin to understand what is true and what is false.

Jesus alone is the Truth, the Life and the Way. Only through the Divine Physician will we find the forgiveness and restoration that we seek. May we be blessed with the courage to defend life in the ways that God calls us to. Pray for those who do not believe and who are unable to hear our voices when we are called to share what is true.

Mary Kominsky

St Joseph - Patron of the Entering Canaan Men's Ministry of Healing from Abortion

 

 

Seeing a need for a separate space for men, our first Men's Day was held in 2005. Since that time we have been blessed to have many men open their hearts to God's mercy through the personal testimony and participation of team members who themselves have experienced abortion and under the direction of Fr Mariusz Koch, CFR 

 

"I attended the first Entering Canaan, a day of prayer & healing for post abortion men. I learned how to begin forgiving myself and opening myself to God’s endless mercy. It was a day where I l discovered I am not alone and that there is a great need for this ministry to men and how we are effected by abortion."

 

 

 

 

A prayer from the Entering Canaan Men's Ministry for those who have experienced abortion...

Men's Book of Names
 

Good St Joseph, spouse of Mary

Guide and protector of the Holy Family

You trusted God and opened yourself to receive the graces

You needed to care for Jesus, Our Merciful Savior.

In our lack of faith we rejected our children.

Whether we promoted the abortion, or abandoned the mother,

We know that the graces were always there for us

As they were when you took Mary as your wife.

Some others of us did not want the abortion,

Or were ignorant of the existence

of life until it was too late

Help us to imitate you in forgiveness, obtain for us the grace to “divorce”

The mother of our child quietly by showing the forgiveness your Son desires

St Joseph, we are sorry for the lack of trust

That caused us to abort our children,

or the pride and anger that does not allow us to forgive.

Intercede for us St Joseph, and obtain for us the graces we need

To live as Christ calls us

We know our children are in your care

Lead us in a life of love and fidelity to the will of your Son

That we may join you in heaven

And share eternal life with our children

Praising God forever for the mercy and love

He has shown us.

Amen.

Lenten Meditation - March 18, 2021

Todays Readings: Thursday of the Fourth Week of Lent

 

Meditation:

But you do not want to come to me to have life.” JN 5:40

Don’t want to come to you!? How could Jesus be saying this to me? Haven’t I begged for forgiveness? But wait, haven’t I felt I’ve done the unforgivable... therefore unforgiven.

Haven’t I pictured how appropriate it would feel, if I could carry a big heavy cross on my back? Have I not been feeling it there all along? I came to realize just what I did when I aborted my child. And, even after feeling the grace from confessing this, I slipped back into feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame. I thought I knew who Jesus was, but how could I, if I figured he had come to save everyone but me?

I was blessed to hear about Rachel‘s Vineyard, a post-abortion healing ministry, and my road to healing began as I walked in the door of the retreat house. There was a young woman being helped to the registration desk by a friend. This young woman was so broken with shame and guilt that she couldn’t even stand up straight. Her friend handed her over to the retreat leader saying, “Please take care of her.” I thought to myself, God does not want this for her! Then immediately the thought came to me, if He doesn’t want this for her, He must not want this for me. This was the first blessing of being with a post-abortion healing ministry. Was I hanging on to the guilt of my abortion because it somehow showed how sorry I was? Would letting go mean letting go of my child? 

Through reading Saint Faustina‘s diary, where Jesus tells us the biggest sinners deserve the biggest portion of his Mercy, and through much prayer and hearing other women’s stories, I believe I have come to know Jesus.  So, I do go to Him. I hand over all my sin, and my joys. We must ask ourselves “Do we truly know Jesus and do we want to go to Jesus?” 

Lucienne Henneberry 
Project Rachel Ministry
Diocese of Syracuse NY

Lenten Meditation - March 17, 2021

Todays Readings: Wednesday of the fourth week of Lent

 

Meditation:

At age 16 I became pregnant by my first love. He was a really good guy, we were young and naive.  The decision to have an abortion was immediate; the “obvious” solution.  He found a place, came with me, paid the cost, and that was that.

Except that wasn’t only that. I was changed and I didn’t even know it. I was young, so for a long while I used it to punish myself: drank a lot, fought with him a lot, self-harmed, was kicked out of school.  Eventually my behaviors sort of died down and I leveled off, even went to confession. But deep down, the damage was done and just played out in other ways. I was able to pursue dreams, and to do so, I basically buried all the damage. But it remained, festering below the surface in a very deep sense of quiet (and sometime overt) self-hatred. I convinced myself of all the messages from the modern culture: that I was liberated and this was freedom, that I was doing okay. And although I achieved some milestones in my life, I never recovered from what I had done.

“Does a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child in her womb?”

Never, really. Try though we may.

Relationships were for me another form of self-punishment. As I grew older, I just went from bad to worse...to worse. And again found myself pregnant at 38 in a very bad relationship. The kind of relationship wherein the boyfriend has heard you say that you never ever be able to get another abortion, and then proceeds to bully and terrify you into feeling you have no other choice.  So, even though I was attending mass and had found my way back to my faith, I had my second abortion.  Even though I had a relationship with God and knew this act was sinful, unfortunately, I had more fear than faith.  It was a hard lesson, I wish I didn’t learn.

This time I faced what I had done. And it nearly killed me. I turned to God at every step.  It was a long process. “The LORD lifts up all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.”

Because I didn’t bury the consequences this time, because I didn’t try to convince myself it was justified, because I truly just accepted the truth of what I had done, I felt the pain of the loss of my child at my own request on a mammoth level.  But, I asked God to be there with me, more times than you would believe, and he always let me know that he was. Every time I asked, he built faith in me with his response. He comforted me. He met me at my lowest low, where no one else could go with me, and brought me back. It took time.

Can a mother forget her infant,

    be without tenderness for the child of her womb?

Even should she forget,

    I will never forget you.

Today I have a relationships with both of my children. I have had the blessing of feeling their love for me and the comfort of knowing they are with Him.  Today, reach for Jesus to be

Lenten Meditation - March 16, 2021

Todays Readings: March 16, 2021

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Meditation

“Do you want to be well?... ”Rise, take up your mat, and walk”

Although I’ve hear stories of people’ sufferings from the moment they were born or about those who were subjected to a physical and psychological abuse; I‘d convince myself that Sufferings and pain are the consequences of our sins.  So, when the unattended wounds left by my abortion were infecting my heart and soul; at first I tried to ignore the pain by pretending it was not there. When trying to ignore my pain did not work, I’d spent whole nights recriminating God for allowing my abortion to happen.  The shame, disappointment and self-hatred had built up so thick and dark inside me that nobody noticed I desperately needed help, No even myself. I tried to no avail to be Happy and look fine and perfect to everybody’s eyes. For moments, I thought I’d succeeded. But, eventually the infection inside me started to manifest in my behavior. 

After I received absolution of my sins in the Sacrament of confession, I kept coming back to confess it again and again. It is not an exaggeration, but I visited the confessionary of every church in my County. I cannot say for sure if I wanted a reassurance from my first absolution or to receive a painful penance, as a punishment for my sin.  Finally, with great concern I decided to go on my RV weekend retreat. There, deep in my heart I’ve heard Jesus  asked me the very same question He asked the paralytic “Do you want to be well?”, my “yes” led me to participate on  three  additional Healing Retreats.  Because of long years of self-impost paralysis, it took three more Entering Canaan retreats before I could finally, fully accept in my life those beautiful words of forgiveness and absolution “Rise, take up your mat, and walk” which actually occurred at an Entering Canaan Advent retreat.

Today, I am living a life of true freedom.  Jesus died and rose to set me free from sin and death. He offered me a new life and I accepted it. My sin of abortion left my heart scarred and sore, but now, in retrospect, I can see how all the pain I went through has taught me to be more compassionate and merciful with others.  Now, through faith, I see there is a purpose for every kind of suffering. Every time we go through negative events, even if it’s difficult to understand, it is an invitation to look at the One who, being innocent suffered like a criminal for each one of us by dying on the cross.  For our salvation Jesus has risen and I rise with Him.

After each retreat, I “took up my mat” accepting Jesus Mercy and let Him heal my soul; by taking the responsibility of cutting off the life of my baby, asking for his forgiveness and started to allow my heart to love him and to be loved by him. I “took up my mat” when Jesus gave me the grace to forgive myself and be free to love Him and to become a channel of his love for others. In a mysterious way, God can use our own wounds, when healed, for the healing of others.

Today, because Jesus made me well, I can choose every day to walk in His ways. I am a witness of his Merciful love, and my only desire is to follow Him and bring His message of healing and forgiveness to all whose lives have been paralyzed from living years of secret and silence suffering from post-traumas of Abortion.

My friends, Jesus is with us as gentle and loving as He was with the paralytic of Bethesda. Today like two thousand years ago He wants us to be well. Let us accept His purifying and transformative Love. Let’s pray together with the psalmist: “A clean heart create for me, O God; give me back the joy of your salvation”.

Blessings, Patricia M

Lenten Meditation- March 15, 2021

Todays Readings: Monday of the fourth week of Lent

 

Meditation:

Jesus said to him, “Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will not believe.”

            Admittedly, I could probably be placed in the category for most of my life.  However, in my post abortion conversion experience, I experienced many signs and wonders.  The first came just hours after my second abortion.  Prior to my appointment, I had made all the necessary provisions to make my post abortion recovery as easy as possible to care for myself.  I stocked my kitsch with healthy and comfort foods.  I made sure I had my favorite teas and clean blankets and sheets, I set up my knitting supplies by the couch and picked out shows I could watch while my body could heal.

            As I cared for myself on my couch, with my dog by my side, I set out to knit a scarf. I was a new knitter and I was loving it.  I was using a pale blue yarn, unintentionally, and as I began to knit, I saw a vision of my son, that I had just aborted, wearing a pale blue knit cap.  There was no mistaking what I was seeing in my mind’s eye. When you know, you know.  At that moment I knew it was a boy, and I was grace with a glimpse at his beautiful face.  And that was the end of and easy self-care.  The truth came crushing down on me and although I could manage daily life, I had to seek out professional support depth of despair I was trying to cope with.

            Having met with other post abortive women, I learned that not all of us are given the gift of seeing our baby’s face.  After my first abortion, some 22 years earlier, I did not have a vision of her face, but I knew she was a girl.

            There were many, many signs and wonders throughout my healing process.  There was the moment during a guided meditation  wherein I looked into Jesus’ eyes for the first time and saw my children were with him.  And there were numerous, and I mean numerous desperate despairing moments alone in my apartment, full of anguish and cuddled up in a ball on the couch where I begged for a sign for help, and the many different responses I received that let me know he really was there with me.

            Two years after my second abortion, my father lay dying from stage 4 cancer.  I was still in a deep depression over my abortion, and struggling with the decline of my father.  During prayer, I had a little daydream about my baby and the cycle of life, and my father and his impending death, and I saw this journey from god and returning to him.  Skeptic that I am, I thought, “Oh that’s kind of nice, thanks.”  But in the days and moments that followed, God gave me signs that it wasn’t just a hallmark sentiment he was sharing with me.  I began to realize that it was the truth.  When my father died on the morning of my birthday, it was the greatest sign and confirmation of what God was trying to teach me.  We come from Him, and we return to Him, and we are here on borrowed time from Him.  I was heeled by this so deeply, it has taken years to unpack and even begin to scratch the surface of this new understanding.

            Today, ask for signs with a true and honest heart, from a place of honesty and openness, and wait for an answer, in His time, you will get one. 

Tina

 

Sibling Lenten Meditation - March 14, 2021

Todays Readings: Fourth Sunday of Lent

 

Meditation

“…we sat and wept.”  Psalm 137:1

As I write this today, my heart is at peace that I have a brother in heaven.  Getting to this place took time.  The second I learned he existed, I was instantly full of grief.  There were circumstances in my life that led me to wonder if I had a sibling that was aborted but I did not know for sure until my mother told me.  I was not surprised that this happened in our family.  I was surprised that upon knowing I had a brother who died, I carried grief in my heart like I did for other close relatives that died.  I was wowed by this experience and was not sure how to process it.  I went to prayer and found solace in daily Mass.  I knew as I received the Eucharist that I could be close to my brother and this was a consolation.  I wept over not knowing him and the thought of him dying in our mother’s womb.  I wept over how he died.  I missed him and I marveled at missing a soul I never met yet ALWAYS yearned for. 

In time, I moved from weeping to grappling with the reality that I have a brother.  Yes, he is not here with me on earth but he exists and knows our family intimately.  I yearned to have a spiritual relationship with him through the Communion of Saints.  So I began writing to him.  My mom knew in her heart she had a son but she had not named him.  Since it was hard for me to write to my brother without a name I gave him a nickname and it is only between us.  I was growing close to my brother and yearned to talk about him with others and refer to him by name with my mom.  I knew naming him was her parental right and so I waited and wondered what his name really was/what she would name him. 

The day I learned his name, John Andrew, I was happy.  It gave me peace to know he was dignified with a strong meaningful name.  The look in my mom’s face was peaceful.  We love our John Andrew and he has become a family member we tap for prayer and include in our conversations from time to time. 

It was John Andrew himself who I feel helped me stop weeping for him.  I have this sense that he is happy and on a mission.  My sense is that he is so close to Jesus and this is a tremendous consolation.  Since my mom raised me as a single parent, sometimes I have felt alone in my role in our small family.  Now aware that I have John Andrew to go, to intercede for various needs that come up with our mom, I have much more peace.  I know he sees our family situation much more clearly than I can here on earth and I trust he is bringing our family needs to our Lord.  While I will always miss that I never had the chance to have a sibling in my day-to-day life, I am content to have this spiritual connection and hope that when I get to heaven, I can spend eternity praising God with our family saint.  I love you, John Andrew, more than words could ever say.

• Anonymous

 

Lenten Meditation - March 13, 2021

Todays Readings: Saturday of the Third Week of Lent

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Meditation

As a person who has had an abortion it can be incomprehensible to ever believe there is any mercy and forgiveness. We are often so far away that we are unable to have any concept of God's love and we often are unable to forgive ourselves.

We are terrified to admit our sin, and we even believe beating ourselves up is humility, but the truth is, it is our pride.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins, even our sin of abortion. 

In the parable of the tax collector and the Pharisee we see the stark contrast of true humility and pride. The tax collector knew he was a sinner in need of Gods mercy. He recognized God's great love for him and was aware of his nothingness before him. He was deeply grateful for God's gift of love and mercy knowing he could do nothing good without God.

The Pharisee on the other hand prided himself in the good that he did. He was unaware of his misery before God.

Abortion can be a great humbler. Thanks be to God for that. It is in this humility, this truth about the horror of what we did that we can come to know more deeply Gods love and mercy for us.

May we each day, ask for the grace to live in our misery so that we may live in His Mercy!