Reclaiming Our Children

Lenten Meditation - March 12, 2021

Todays Readings: Friday of the Third Week of Lent

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Meditation

In today’s Gospel, Jesus tells us the greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself. The responsorial psalm says, “I am the Lord your God: hear my voice”.

For so many years and like so many of you, I dared not listen to God’s voice, for I was sure that because of my abortions I was unworthy of his love and that he could never forgive me for what I had done. My gods were drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity – they helped to numb the pain I was in and filled my empty life with what I realize today was garbage, distracting me from God, drowning out his voice.

It was incomprehensible to me that God could ever forgive such inherently evil acts. I lived each day in fear, guilt, shame, and darkness - haunted by the memory of my sins. For over thirty years, I ran away, convinced that I was far beyond the grace and mercy of God and that I was surely going to hell. I could not love God because I was too afraid of his wrath to dare listen to his voice - and I hated myself - so how could I possibly love my neighbor?

Nevertheless, the truth is that God never gives up on us - the hound of heaven at our heels, in relentless pursuit, because he loves us just as we are, no matter what. On my journey of healing, I learned that that there is nothing God will not forgive us for if we learn to trust just enough to turn back to Him with a humble and contrite heart, seeking reconciliation and healing. I did not realize it at the time, but this was an act of faith, finding the courage to ask for mercy that I knew I was not worthy of.

As I began to heal from my abortions, I slowly began to trust enough to try to listen to what God was saying to me. He is so generous, that the more I trusted Him, the more He spoke, leading me finally to a place filled with His love and His light. One simple “yes” to God and in this He taught me that He is who He says He is and that His promises are true – and today, I honestly believe that I am indeed his beloved daughter - and nothing can change that.

Now these words resound in my heart and soul: “I am the Lord your God: hear my voice.  An unfamiliar speech I hear: ‘I relieved his shoulder of the burden; his hands were freed from the basket. In distress you called, and I rescued you’.” In His great mercy, He rescued me - not because I deserved it, not because I earned it, not because I made up for it, but simply because He loves me.

I have found peace and that is my prayer for you today, that you are given the gift of faith to step forward to find healing in His unfathomable mercy and love - like myself and so many before me. Please do not stay stuck in despair, shame, sin, and darkness any longer – the Lord, our God wants you freed from the burden you carry so that you can be free to love Him, love yourself and in turn love your neighbor.

Do not be afraid. God loves you and He desires your healing so that you can be free to be the person He created you to be. God bless you! -J.K.B.

Lenten Meditation - March 11, 2021

Todays Readings: Thursday of the Third Week of Lent

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Meditation

Even now, says the LORD,
return to me with your whole heart,
for I am gracious and merciful.

 

 

Restoring the Rose

 

A rosebud once blossomed

and became a rose

but lost its red petals

to a horror it chose

 

Someone plucked little rosebuds

before they could bloom

and left in their place

only sorrow and gloom

 

But petal by petal

a strong Gardener's hand

Refashioned the flower

that was meant for His Land

 

And no more did that flower

have to dread what it chose

for ever and ever now

she was His rose.     

                                                                                        Alyssa Heleng

Lenten Meditation - March 10, 2021

Todays Readings : Wednesday of the Third Week of Lent

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Meditation
With you Lord, you heard my heart and helped me fulfill the broken parts 
to myself. I had turned away from the truth of who you created me to be,
“me,” who was always in the heart of my Father. The return back to you
after recognizing all the suffering from my abortion was long and difficult.
Yes, days of painful memories surfaced, yet your grace and those you sent
my way to process the pain, provided hope that healed the wounds I had
kept hidden in my heart for so long.

Looking deep within me, you revealed my sins and the places I neglected to
follow your commandments. I had no courage, had lost my way, my truth, my authentic self.
You sent me a savior, I now know as my friend, Jesus is now inside of my heart. It was
You who showed me real love and it was where I found my way back to
myself. No longer blind to your truth, Jesus, you forgave me for having
aborted my child and walked with me through my valley of tears.

With new eyes of faith I now look back at who I was and I am now able to love and
forgive that girl I once was. Jesus, until I reach the Kingdom of heaven,
may you provide me your mercy my soul requires to live a peaceful life.
“I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.” Jesus, I trust in you, for it is in
your most Divine Mercy, where I find comfort for each day. - Tara

Men's Lenten Meditation - March 9, 2021

Todays Readings -Tuesday of the third week of Lent

 

 

Meditation:

 

I had no spiritual formation growing up and until I met my wife at 27 years old, I did not even know what a Catholic Church was. I was completely ignorant, and my moral compass was WAY off. I got married in the Catholic Church (2013) and I received the grace of Baptism/Communion/Confirmation in the year of mercy (2016).  I witnessed my wife attend Mass every Sunday before and after our Marriage, and if I wanted to lead I had to lead the family spiritually, first and foremost. Through the Sacraments, the Lord was revealing many wounds in my life, and He still is (I scheduled Confession this week because the Lord revealed a sin I committed stemming from my wound of abandonment). But, the wound of abortion is a scar that I will take with me wherever I go, like my wound of abandonment. My Lord was Resurrected with His 5 mortal wounds, and I have 5 wounds that He is drawing me closer to Him through. This is one of them.

 

Story,

 

My consent to an abortion happened when I was serving in the Marine Corps. I was stationed in Iwakuni, Japan and I was forming many adulterous relationships outside of marriage. I started a deeper relationship with a good Japanese mother. I would stay off base at her house, and I remember how good her heart was. One day she told me that she was pregnant. I do not remember exactly what I said, but it may be in the lines of "what can we do to take care of it." It hurts my heart to think that I would say something like that and how she must have felt, but the pregnancy ended our relationship. When she came to the military base asking for money, I turned my back on her again. I was COLD, to say the least, and all I can say is thanks be to God for His mercy. I did not protect the heart of this good mother, I abandoned her as most men do when women make the decision to abort their baby. When Adam and Eve were in the garden, I always wonder why Adam did not say anything when Eve was being tempted by the devil. Adam stayed silent, and he even blamed the woman after being questioned by God. Men were told by God to till the soil and KEEP it. Protect physically, yes, but also protect the heart.

 

Naming my baby, 

 

My spiritual director guided me to name the baby. For about 2 years I prayed for a name, I received silence, but God's timing was perfect for me and the baby. I did not know if my baby was a boy or a girl, and I was not able to apologize to the mother in Japan because I could not find her through social media. The day before the Anniversary of my Baptism (March 25, 2020) I was praying and googling what saint's feast day was on March 26th... I could not find anything in the Latin Rite calendar, but what I did found was GRACE. I was taken to a page on the internet to Saint Margaret Clitherow, who died on March 25, 1586. I heard a still voice in my heart, "her name is Margaret." I was SO thankful to God, I cried and cried in the office, and thanked God for this grace and still do. I named her Margaret Hannah Parsons, but God named her first.

 

God Fathering me,

 

The Lord Fathered me through this prodigal time in my life, Doctors stitch and close our wounds to heal them, but the Divine Physician opens them up to heal them. I have learned that this is a difficult process, to acknowledge and suffer our wounds with God. This narrow path drew me to NEED Him at a deeper level, and my intimacy with God is growing through my wounds. God permitted my wounds for a greater purpose. He did not will my sin, mistakes, etc; but allowed it to happen. My life is NOT about me, it is about Him, and Jesus thirsts for my love. Each one of us has a different flavor that only we can give him. Oh, happy wound! The wound drew me deeper into the Sacred Heart of Jesus. My Jesus, you were abandoned by Your beloved three apostles in the Garden of Gethsemane, have mercy on me! So anytime there is the temptation to feel like my FORGIVEN sin of murder is greater than God's mercy, I fix my gaze on Jesus and Mary. The devil is the father of lies, and if the thoughts I am having do not give me peace, I call out to Jesus and Mary... They have never abandoned me. They suffered most, and this is were I draw strength in the wound. To direct my gaze towards the Trinity and my Mother. Now, there is an effect of my sin, like Saint David said in Psalm 51, my sin is ever before me but there is a right and wrong way to feel the pain of having consented to an abortion. Only Jesus’ wounds heal.   -Micah Parsons

Lenten Meditation - March 8, 2021

Todays Readings: Monday of the third week of Lent

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Meditation

After my abortions, I was so afraid of God. I felt I had done the “unforgiveable”.

I had an abortion when I was 16 and another at 18... This anguish seemed appropriate to my underdeveloped brain. After all, I had ended the life of my children. My only recourse seemed to be running from God and drowning my sorrow in all the wrong things. But something called to me from my memories. The smell of a church and the incense that lingers, the candles burning, a faint fragrance of Chrism used to anoint. There is something there that transcends the chaos of the busy world around us, something like a peaceful presence.

Before my healing I would attend Sunday mass and every time I heard a prolife prayer I cringed. Not because I didn’t want them to be prayed, but because I was ashamed. I tried to join a prayer group once and was even afraid of the people who were a part of it. They seemed so close to God. I found myself wondering if they would “get a word” about me or my sins if they were to pray over me.

I ended up confiding in them quite a bit, but still I kept God at bay, in the distance. Then one day at the prayer group, I felt His presence. I was so afraid that I was shaking. I remember shaking that same way in the waiting room of the abortion clinic. But this time, in the presence of Jesus, I began to feel peace and calm- the kind of calm I feel in church.

This calm began my metamorphosis, gradually, and I began to risk having a more honest and open relationship with Jesus. I stopped running. I let Him into my heart, and I found Mercy, Love and Forgiveness. Meditating on today’s scriptures reminded me of an excerpt in St Faustina’s diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul, where Jesus tells her that the vessel which is needed to receive His Mercy is trust.

I am so grateful He gave me the grace to keep going back to church. It took a long time to find healing, but the Lord truly deals out of kindness and offers great Mercy. He eventually called me to be a therapist who helps others heal from abortion. I am reminded of how applicable todays first reading is to my life, and the lives of other’s who are still out there hurting after an abortion.

For those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart,
we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame.
but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.

Jesus, I trust in You!                               Eileen C

Lenten Meditation - March 7. 2021

Todays Readings: Third Sunday of Lent

 

Meditation:

The first reading is hard. This well-known scripture that lays out the Ten Commandments seems pretty fine and straightforward, but it hits me in the gut every time: “thou shall not kill.. thou shall not commit adultery…” It is a painful reminder of how I have turned away from the commandments. It is a painful reminder of the actions which broke my relationship with God and kept me from my child. I went into my own desert, and instead of looking for the angels, I chose the path that ultimately left me broken. 

As I approach this Lent, my child would have been turning another year old, but instead of celebrating with him, I’m left here with this reminder of my pain. But the pain of loss was not what God had in mind for me... for any of us. Still, He did not leave me in my pain, dear sister, and He will not leave you.

Because God is good and loving. His commands are for our joy and relationship with Him. As the Psalm reminds us, we are called to this joy, purity, truth, justice, and above all rejoicing hearts in the perfection of God’s law.

Our merciful Father does not leave us in sin and brokenness. His desire for a relationship, His desire for us to experience this joy is found in His Son, who died for our sins and redeemed us through His blood.

Jesus comes to us where we are and loves us where we are. He took on human nature and He understands our inner thoughts, desires, and temptations. He fights for our souls, He redeems our pain, and He feels it for Himself. Jesus clears out the temple and the distractions that keep us from a relationship with Him and His Father. He seeks out our hearts.

For so long, I stood in that busy marketplace “buying” the lies of the world, building a business of selfishness and pride. Jesus found me there. He took on that pain and sorrow, sharing in the most intimate way the nature of my pain. He restored the temple around my life, removing things that kept me from the Father.

His Law is Perfect. His Son is the perfection of this Law. Sisters, how is Jesus calling you to remove the “stands of your marketplace” and barriers to His love? How is He asking you to live out His commands? How is He looking to heal you and bring joy into your life?

Let Him in: Go to Confession, receiving Him in the Most Holy Eucharist. Let Him transform the temple that is your life. Let us follow Him and the perfection of His law and find everlasting rejoicing in our hearts.

Mariane S.

Lenten Meditation - March 6, 2021

Todays Readings:  Saturday of the Second Week of Lent

Meditation

Today’s Gospel, the parable of the prodigal son, is a familiar one to most, if not all, of us. The story showcases God’s mercy and unconditional love for us, and how He is always eager to welcome us back when we have fallen away, no matter how far we have fallen. As someone who has, herself, fallen far away from God through my sin of abortion, I find this gospel reading both relevant and comforting.

This time, after I read the parable, I wondered how the prodigal son carried on after the celebration in honor of his return. Was he able to fully accept his father’s forgiveness, and shed his guilt? We can assume that this is what the prodigal son’s father would have wanted for him since it is what God, our Father, wants for us when we confess our sins. He wants us to feel totally free of our forgiven sins with no guilt attached.

Thinking back to the Confession where I confessed the sin of my abortion, I know that afterword I felt relieved, and there was a peace about having been forgiven and “right” with God again. But I did not feel joyful. It did not feel like a festive occasion. Any celebrating going on in heaven was lost on me. Even though I whole-heartedly believed in God’s mercy, I still had a lot of guilt weighing me down. I certainly didn’t feel like I was worthy of being clothed in a fine robe or having a ring put on my finger as the Father in the parable did with his son.

I know this struggle with self-forgiveness is not uncommon. We can know intellectually that God’s forgiveness is absolute, yet we can have trouble moving this truth from our heads to our hearts. The guilt remains and it can seem impossible to let go of. However, all things are possible with God (Matthew 19:26). For me, it took a lot of prayer, it took connecting with other post-abortive women through Project Rachel, and it took some counseling before I could put the guilt and shame to rest. Regret remains, and probably always will, but not guilt, and not self-deprecation.

God does not want us to continue to feel guilty once we have sought and received forgiveness. Just think about how grandly the prodigal son was welcomed back by his father. This is how God welcomes us back. As I re-read this all-to-familiar parable, I allowed myself to soak up the imagery of the scene where the father and son are reunited. I then thought back to that Confession where I was reunited with God, my Father, in the same way after confessing my sin of abortion. I pictured myself leaving the confessional dressed in a luxurious robe with a beautiful ring on my finger, head held high and full of God’s love. That was the reality. I didn’t see it at the time, but now I do.

Going forward I have decided that every time I go to confession, I am going to picture myself coming out clothed in beautiful garments and exquisite jewelry, as a way of reminding myself of how much God cherishes me and how lovingly He welcomes me back every time I fall.

Have you confessed your sin of abortion in the sacrament of Confession? If you have, do you still feel guilty, or struggle with self-forgiveness? Or have you been able to forgive yourself and shed the shame?

Regardless of which category you fall into, I invite you to take a few minutes in prayer today and visualize yourself at that confession where God forgave you for your abortion. Imagine yourself being received by God in the same way the prodigal son was received by his father. Picture God draping you in a fine robe, putting a gorgeous ring on your finger, and calling for all in heaven to sing and rejoice in celebration of your return. Sit in that glory and let the truth of God’s mercy and unconditional love for you sink in.

If you have not been to the sacrament of Confession yet, know this…God is waiting there for you, longing to welcome you back, longing to forgive your sins. He has your robe and your ring ready, and He cannot wait to celebrate your return to Him!

~ Karen

Lenten Meditation - March 5. 2021

Todays Readings: Friday of the Second Week of Lent

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Meditation

I am so grateful for the gift of God's Word.  It has the power to pierce our hearts, blow up our delusions, cut through our blindness, and shatter our stubborn independence.  The readings today struck a number of chords with me.  The first strike was the reading about Israel's son, Joseph.  Here was the first blow: '...they hated him so much that they would not even greet him.'  This sums up my feelings around my two abortions.  I was filled with angry dread both times.  My relationships with each of the fathers had been on the rocks.  I knew neither of them loved me.  Neither of them wanted to be "saddled and trapped" with me or my pregnancies when they occurred.  I just wanted the nightmare of my pregnancies to go away.  I hated those pregnancies and made sure I did not, and would not, greet them.

 

Then the Gospel. 'The Kingdom of God will be taken away from you.'  I acted like the landowner who had planted a vineyard, put a hedge around it, and leased it to ungrateful tenants.  My body was the vineyard and I had leased it to "the tenants" (boyfriends) of my late teens and 20's.  This resulted in three unwanted pregnancies.  One spontaneously miscarried, two others aborted.  I rejected my body, I rejected the One who built it, and I rejected the fruits of the vineyard as well.  I was lost and wretched and undeserving of the Kingdom.  

 

But the Psalm!  'Remember the marvels the Lord has done.'  Fast forward 5 years.  Through a series of "God-instances" I had become Catholic.  I was married and expecting my first (ever) wanted child.  I started spotting at 7 weeks into the pregnancy.  The doctor asked us to come in for a sonogram.  I was terrified.  What if I lost our precious baby?  My husband, very new to the practice of faith and not Catholic, asked if I wanted him to pray with me before the appointment.  He held me and I prayed to Jesus to save and heal my child.  I felt an amazing warmth come over my entire body and I KNEW, no matter what happened, that God loved me and all would be well.  Even if the baby did not survive, all would be well as long as I trusted that God loved me.  We got to the sonogram and I was looking for just one thing.  I wanted to see that tiny heart beating.  I wanted to hear it.  I looked and listened.  We waited.  Finally the technician said, "there it is."  And we saw our baby's little heart and little body, filled with life.  I cried joyous tears as I watched.  Just as quickly, there was a sickening twisting in my gut.  A deep down, way deep down, red hot shame and pain.   For as much as I wanted this baby, I had desperately not wanted my other babies.  For the first time in my life, I actually realized what I had done.  And the regret, the shame, the guilt, the remorse, the ache, the sadness - dare I say the grief - was almost too much to bear.

 

But the Verse Before the Gospel!  'For God so loved the world...' It's taken a number of years and a good bit of intentional prayer and healing for me to realize that God is faithful and means what he says.  When God tells us, 'God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son; so that everyone who believes in him might have eternal life', He means it.  He gave us THE gift, Jesus, who took away all our sins.  Not a few, not some, ALL.  He took the hideous sins of my abortions and redeemed me from them.  Through Christ, I've been given the incredible gift to know my lost children as my sweet and beautiful boys.  The exchange is too wondrous for words.  I did not deserve it.  I did not earn it.  But God loves me and has healed my broken heart.  He has given me the gift of realizing my children and helping others to know how good He truly is.  That he loves every one of us.  Always.  As long as we trust that, all will be well.  _Lisa H

Sibling Lenten Meditation - March 4, 2021

Todays Readings: Thursday of the second week of Lent ________________________________________ Meditation   “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,    whose hope is the LORD. He is like a tree planted beside the waters     that stretches out its roots to the stream: It fears not the heat when it comes,     its leaves stay green; In the year of drought it shows no distress,     but still bears fruit.” These verses in the first reading have a deeper meaning than I’ve ever known possible. It’s been over 18 months since I arrived at a Entering Canaan healing retreat for those who had lost siblings to abortion. Deep down I always knew something was missing in my life, that something was off. But until that one day 12 years ago, when I found out I had 3 siblings who had been aborted, I couldn’t put my finger on it. After finding this out while I myself, was pregnant with my first, everything changed and for the first time in my life, my story started to make sense. It would take me 12 years to finally say yes, and really dig deep into the pain and hurt, and go where I didn’t want to go. Deep into the wounds of my identity and start to learn who I was in Christ. An opportunity for a healing retreat for those who have aborted siblings had been presented to me, and I knew God was calling me to go, but I was afraid. I didn’t want to acknowledge His promptings. So much of my life had been riddled with pain and anxiety and this I thought would only make it worse, right? Well, I don’t know how I got the courage to attend, but I know it was all the grace of God (and a supportive and amazing husband). By trusting in His plan, and His will, I felt peace amidst the fear. I stepped into the unknown, alone, just the Creator and His creation, and decided to let Him mold me as I was designed to be. I felt a great freedom in this. A part of me was put back together that weekend, a part that was so broken and fearful and wounded, was deeply healed. I stretched out my roots to the stream, and drank deeply. I put God over my fears. I kept stepping deeper into the pain; hours felt like days, the nights were agonizing, a spiritual battle was being fought for my soul. But then the morning came. I no longer feared the scorching heat nor the intense drought that plagued me. The rains came and my leaves were green; I was being made new, just as He had always promised. The fruits came and my heart received its fill. The chains were broken and my cup overflowed. His graces poured down upon me because I said yes, because even in the pain and fear, I chose Him. Don’t let the tentacles of fear have it’s grip on you. God’s grace is constant, His promise is true, we just need to say “yes” and the fruits will be abundant. -Anonymous

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lenten Meditation - March 3, 2021

Todays Readings: Wednesday of the second week of Lent

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Meditation

“…the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many.”

In many ways I feel as though I ransomed my aborted babies; I ransomed them in exchange for a life that I thought I should live.  They were in the way, each of them… three of them.  I wanted to be great and do great things and they were in the way.  It was selfish and self-destructive in addition to the obvious: my babies died by my hands.  “Let us destroy him by his own tongue.”  This struck me from the readings.  The evil one used “my own tongue” to destroy me, destroy my children.  It was my doing and even now, decades later, I can fall into a pit of despair if I’m not careful.  I can hear the whispers of the crown and let fear take over: “You’re a horrible person!”, “This is unforgiveable!”, “How could you?!”, and so on.  But that is not the way of Mercy!  That is not what God planned.  

“I am the light of the world…”. My heavenly Father greatly desires for me to pick myself up out of the depths of despair and look to the light.  Even the deepest darkness cannot hide the light of Christ.  He is my refuge.  He rescues me from “the whispers of the crowd” that frighten me.  It’s been over 25 years since my last abortion, and I can still find myself doubting.  Trust can be difficult.  But I trust in Jesus.  I trust in His Love and Mercy.  Nothing makes sense without it.  He came to serve me and ransom His life for me!  He loves me beyond all measure from all eternity.  I must return this love.  I must trust in it.  And I do.

Today:  Speak with our Lord and tell Him you will begin/continue to put all your trust in Him.  Quiet the whispers in your own heart and allow His mercy to wash over you like a calm wave.  Be gentle with yourself.  Jesus longs to love and cherish you… Let Him. _DS