Something I wrote a few days after 9/11
9/14/01
There is the presence of sadness everywhere in our country as we struggle to get on with our daily lives after the terrible attack of September 11th. It is hard to get away from it. Even if we manage to be distracted from it for a while, it is lurking in the recesses of our minds…a constant emptiness, a deep loss, horror, and a lack of control over our present circumstances.
It is a call to a deep trust in God. A testing of our faith in the midst of the darkness that has invaded our lives. Do I really believe in His promises? Do I really trust in His mercy? Am I really following Him in my life? Am I constantly trying not to offend Him and to be grateful for the great gifts He has given me, both personally and to our country?
I know for myself, the feelings are very reflective of those I had after my abortion. The pain and uncertainty, the temptations to depression and despair. The feelings of abandonment and indescribable loss. The aching emptiness, anxiety and fear. When I hear the horrific tales of body parts I cringe. Although we are told we could not imagine it, my first thought to this was “Oh yes I can, I saw my aborted son.”
In the healing from abortion these associations are called “abortion connectors” and everyone who has experienced the death of their child in this way has them, whether conscious of them or not. For years most of us buried them in the recesses of our minds not knowing why we reacted to certain things the way we did. Sooner or later it is important to acknowledge their presence. To validate their existence. When experiencing an additional trauma like the one our country is experiencing, it is important to separate the two. To look at the feelings and see what belongs to the present and what belongs to the past, and to work through each, putting them in their proper perspective.
For me, this time it is much different and I am eternally grateful. I have been enveloped in the mercy of God in the healing of my abortion and no one can take that away from me. It gives me the strength and courage to know, that even though we as a country have turned our backs on God as I did with my abortion, He is still there.
In the midst of our sinfulness, He is calling us back to Him. He is still Mercy itself. All we need do is gaze upon him in humility and trust. To have contrition for our sins and gratitude for His many gifts to us. To trust in His love, knowing He judges us according to His ways not ours. Just as He longs to heal the broken heart of abortion, He longs to heal our nation and just as He can bring good out of the terrible sin of abortion He is bringing good out of this terrible evil as evidenced by the many volunteering and the unity we are experiencing as a nation.
May we all practice our faith in the midst of this darkness knowing, no matter what, He will never abandon us.
