“Even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart, for I am gracious and merciful.”
In the verse before today’s Gospel, the Lord invites us to return to Him, no matter where we have been, no matter what we have done. It’s almost incomprehensible that God could love us so much that there is no sin He would not forgive if we just turned back to Him with humble and contrite hearts.
Just like the people in the first reading today, with my hardened heart, I turned not just my face, but my back to God as well. Perhaps my biggest struggle in healing from my abortions has been finding the faith to believe that God could really forgive me. It is easy to wrap your mind around the fact that God is love and God is mercy. However, it is not so easy to understand this on the level of the heart. Yes, I get it God, but how could you forgive me for taking the lives of my children and going against everything I was created to be: a caregiver, a mother, and a nurturer? I know that you can forgive other sins, by my sin is worse…I don’t deserve it. This thought never left me when I finally turned back to God and asked Him to forgive my sins from so long ago.
Thanks be to God for placing good and holy people in my path, especially a young priest and the amazing women of Project Rachel who helped me to find the faith to really believe that no sin is bigger than God. It took me years to understand this, and I’ve finally been given the gift of knowing deep in my heart that it’s really true.
God saw me in every moment of all those years that I was too afraid to turn back to Him. He saw my shattered heart, counted all my tears, and knows that if I could go back and choose again, I would make another choice. He knows everything about me, and despite it all, He wanted me to be healed and to be whole again so I could discover His plan for my life and become the woman he created me to be. He loved me in spite of my disbelief and waited patiently for me to learn this truth.
God has a plan for each of us. None us are a mistake. None of us are beyond His mercy. Today, spend some time with Jesus and ask Him to reveal to you God’s perfect plan for your life. Each of has a purpose and a gift to share with others by living out God’s plan for our lives. Spend some time in prayer and find out what God’s perfect plan for your life is.
JKB
