I was a young man in my twenties, so many years ago, when I terminated the development of my first child. The abortion was my idea and undertaken at my insistence. It was all so matter of fact, a decision, a choice. ‘We can simply make a choice,’ I remember thinking,’It’s legal.’ I was in my second year of law school in New York. At the time the decision was simple, not much of a dilemma, it was a right, a woman’s right to choose.
The guilt and the shame that I felt immediately afterward told me that the simple decision was a lie. The death, the killing of our child, was not something that I would be able to get past, swept under the rug and forgotten. It was a choice, yes, but one that would have consequences. The pain grew inside me and consumed my soul.
I married many years later, to a woman who would give me four children. With each birth, my pain, regret and self loathing grew. I was a raw nerve, a twisted bundle of anger and pain. I did not think it was possible to take my pain to God. I thought my sin was unforgivable. I tried to hide from God.
We cannot hide from God, thankfully. He stayed with me no matter where I went. He never abandoned me,although I turned my back on Him. Finally, he sent His Son to me and I found the healing I so desperately needed through the Entering Canaan men's ministry..
It is possible to heal. We need only ask. We need only to bring our burden to Him and accept the forgiveness and healing that He wants for us. He has already purchased it for us with His life. This much I know, that healing, forgiveness, life and happiness are all possible through Him.
Nothing is impossible with God
- Luke. 1:37
