Know that by fighting bravely you give Me great glory and amass merits for yourself. Temptation gives you a chance to show Me your fidelity. ... [St. Faustina wrote] Each battle valiantly fought brings me joy, peace, light, experience and courage for the future; honor and glory to God; and in the end, for me, a reward (Diary, 1560 and 499).
Spiritual Flip Flops
I am known as the flip flop girl. There is a standard joke by my friends that you know when it is snowing because Theresa does not have her flip flops on! As true as that is, in the spiritual life I definitely wear running shoes!
I do not like to feel emptiness or pain. My human nature completely rebels against it. As much as I hate to admit it, I am smitten with myself in spite of the fact that I know I am my own worst enemy.
As soon as I feel that emptiness, I begin running to seek to fill it up with something, most times one of my many vices, anything to avoid experiencing the void. I busy myself with trivial things, I run around, or feed my emotions with a variety of distractions, from food to others means of entertainment. Most times I do everything but what I know I should be doing, praying, sitting in the silence and allowing the emptiness so that the only One who truly can fill it can find a place to reside. I forget that He is right where I am, ready to help me.
I know I am not alone in this behavior. None of us likes emptiness and pain. The pain of a past abortion often leads people into all kinds of negative behaviors, from drug addictions to eating disorders, to sexual addictions, anything to avoid thinking of the reality of what we did.
It is such a paradox, because the truth is once we learn to deal with these feelings with the help of those who know the dynamics of abortion, once we allow ourselves to sit still in the pain and emptiness, to mourn the loss of our children (and probably many other things) and work through the issues, we come to experience His love and peace. Instead of acquiring the bondage behaviors of avoidance can bring us, we, little by little can sift through the pain and emptiness. We can choose to look for and trust in God in the midst of the void where we are sure to find Him walking on the road with us, waiting to forgive and heal us.
Funny, no matter how many times I have found this to be true, I still find myself scampering around running to fill any void I am feeling. It may not be the void of abortion anymore, but I still have to stop and catch myself and pull myself back to the truth. The truth of who I am, and the truth of who He is. The truth of my need for Him, the truth that He knows better than I do what is good for me, and the truth that His love and mercy are always there for me.
So, I may still run, but by His grace, before I get too far down the road I now change to my spiritual flop flops and walk hand in hand with the One who heals me.
“ Even Christians run away from God.” Pope Francis (Homily, St Martha’s House October 7, 2013)
