Reclaiming Our Children

St. Therese of the Child Jesus & Healing

St. Therese was the first saint introduced to me when I came back to the church. The priest I began seeing gave me a copy of her autobiography, "The Story of a Soul."

When I came back to the church, I was filled with despair. My life was often besieged with panic attacks and anxiety. It was not uncommon for me to hide in my room only doing what was necessary to support my sons.

I remember reading St. Therese's words and thinking how simple it could be, so reachable, and easy to understand for someone who had no clue about the spiritual journey. I had been so far away for so long and so lost to anything concerning God. I was certain I was bound for hell.  However, St. Therese's spiritual tenderness and simplicity became a guide for me in the first steps of my journey.

I remember especially two examples from the her diary that stay with me to this day.  The first was St. Therese comparing herself to a "little bird."

"O Jesus, Your little bird is happy to be weak and little. What would become of it if it were big? Never would it have the boldness to appear in Your presence, to fall asleep in front of You. Yes, this is still one of the weaknesses of the little bird: when it wants to fix its gaze upon the Divine Sun, and when the clouds prevent it from seeing a single ray of that Sun, in spite of itself, its little eyes close, its little head is hidden beneath its wing, and the poor little thing falls asleep, believing all the time that it is fixing its gaze upon its Dear Star. When it awakens, it doesn’t feel desolate; its little heart is at peace and it begins once again its work of love. It calls upon the angels and saints who rise like eagles before the consuming Fire, and since this is the object of the little bird’s desire the eagles take pity on it, protecting and defending it, and putting to flight at the same time the vultures who want to devour it. These vultures are the demons whom the little bird doesn’t fear, for it is not destined to be their prey but the prey of the Eagle whom it contemplates in the center of the Sun of Love."

The concept of surrendering, of knowing I could not do it, but He would, appealed to me. Also, because I lived in such darkness, her analogy of staring at the sun even when she could not see it gave me the hope I needed to continue to trust in spite of how I felt. She made heaven accessible to me.  She was so human. 

The second passage that I remember so clearly was about how Jesus lifted her to Himself as if an elevator. She spoke of her "little way of confidence and love," trusting in His goodness to her to the point of folly. 

She made it possible for me to believe in healing, forgiveness, and mercy because she made me recognize I not only was unable to do it myself, but that He wanted to do it because of His love for me - in spite of my failing and weaknesses.

From  the Little Flower Novena -

Loving God, St. Therese offered to You her weakness. Help me to see in my weakness an opportunity to rely completely on you.

I rely on you, Lord. Help me to rely on you more!
I accept your will, Lord. Help me to accept your will every day!
I try to forgive, Lord. Help me to forgive 70 times 7 times!
I am humble, Lord. Give me more humility!
I see you, Lord. Help me to see you more!
I trust you, Lord. Help me to trust you more!
I love you, Lord. Help me to love you more!

St. Therese of the child Jesus, pray for us!

 

Defend us in Battle!

I don’t know if anyone can ever fully understand the trauma of abortion if they have never been through it.  The wound is so deep that just reaching its depth is excruciating.  It is hard to comprehend the pain surrounding this trauma and the faith and trust needed to work through it.

I love working with those who have experienced abortion. I understand the amazing gift of their soul that they are giving when they share their experience and trust enough to bare their soul in its entirety, knowing that I understand because I have been there, and they will still be loved.  I understand how precious this gift of trust is that they give, when they have experienced abandonment, betrayal, abuse, and most traumatic, the death of their child.  The loss is not of an abstract child or unborn baby, it is their child.

How do you explain to others the depths of that wound or the value of the gift of trust you give after that experience? I am not sure there are words to adequately do that, but I do know the value of such an act and pray each day never to abuse that trust, but to cherish it always.

The wound of the trauma of abortion never leaves you in this life.  Sure, you can have deep spiritual healing, joy, and peace in your life.  Trust that comes from totally experiencing the mercy of God will always get you through whatever life brings you, but you are also still an imperfect human with weakness and flaws. That means you will suffer at times, and that the trauma will come up through your personal connectors.  But, do not lose hope at those times.  It is God calling you deeper into His heart.

The opening of those deep wounds on a human level can take a lot of suffering to close up again, but that has nothing to do with your faith or trust in God. Faith is not a feeling and you can surely suffer deeply while still trusting. Jesus did it.  You can, as He did, offer your suffering up to God which He will surely use for good.

When He was betrayed and abandoned, Jesus felt deep pain, but He trusted through it all. His suffering and horrific death led to the resurrection and our salvation. He trusted and won the battle over sin and death. His life in us, by His grace, will do the same.

So many of the saints have told us this as well, as evidenced in the following quotes by two Saints whose feast days we celebrate in the coming week.

“O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and unaffectedly with those from whom our nature flees, or with those who, deliberately or not, have made us suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible. At such times more than at others, I try to discover the Lord Jesus in such a person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for such people.” St. Faustina Diary 766

“I understood that to become a saint one had to suffer much, seek out always the most perfect thing to do, and forget self. I understood, too, that there are many degrees of perfection and each soul was free to respond to the advances of the Our Lord, to do little or much for Him, in a word, to choose among the sacrifices He was asking. Then, as in the days of my childhood, I cried out: 'My God I choose all!' I do not want to be a saint by halves. I'm not afraid to suffer for you. I fear only one thing: to keep my own will; so take it, for I choose all that You will!" St. Therese

I truly believe those healed from abortion are then called be major warriors in this life.  Called to be sufferers with Christ. I believe that their sufferings will then be redemptive, another paradox of the amazing mercy of God, that He would use those who participated in such a horrific act to, through their suffering and witness to His mercy, bring others to His heart.

No, I do not think there are very many who can truly understand the trauma of abortion if they have not been there, but God understands, and in the end He is the only one that matters.

Jesus, we trust in You!

 Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

Surrender to His Mercy

 

 

 

 

 

Abortion is a huge cross that can often times feel insurmountable. It is no wonder so many flee into denial, hiding in their justification and rationalization. It is not easy to acknowledge we participated in the death of our children and impossible without knowing the mercy and love of God

 

It’s common for us to think we need to do something to earn our healing or to think outside sources will make or break it. We look to others and ourselves to find the answers. Certainly, learning abortion ‘s impact, working through its trauma, is a crucial step to healing 

But we need to be careful. We can blame it on other things, even use language that softens the truth of what abortion is thinking that will somehow assist in healing

 

While it is so important to look at what we did and “face it honestly” so we can understand why, it does not change the seriousness of the sin.

I grow concerned at times that much like other side we may water it down in through false compassion.

True compassion and love mean standing at the cross with all its misery while looking at the love and mercy of God at the same time. 

The place of excruciating pain is taken on by ultimate love. That is the place we find our healing by looking at Him and truly surrendering our misery in humility. Not watering down the sin but surrendering it to Hs love and forgiveness, to truth, knowing it is in his cross and resurrection we find our triumph.

Triumph of the Coss

We all know how terrifying facing our abortion can feel. We want to do anything we can to run from the reality of what we did and the seriousness of the sin. Like in so many circumstances the paradox shows us that just what we dread is often the thing that brings us peace and healing.

 

Great meditation by Monsignor Pope...

"There is something about facing our sins, our shortcomings, and our anxieties and fears. There is something about looking into the face of them in order to find healing.  One of the glories of the Catholic Faith is that we have never hidden the cross. We have never run from it. There have been brief times when we shamefully de-emphasized it. But throughout most all of our history, the crucifix has been prominently, proudly, and fearlessly displayed in our churches. We cling to and glory in it."

 

Meditation on the Triumph of the Cross by Monsignor Pope

That he may live

 

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“I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked man, says the Lord,
but rather in his conversion, that he may live.”

Having my abortion nearly killed me.  Even though I had put into place self-care rituals and supports for myself, it wasn’t long after the procedure that I was pummeled by the crushing reality of what I had done.  Although I was able to get through my work-life responsibilities, I would spend my evenings and weekends huddled up on my couch, crippled by, but yet facing the reality of what I had done.  I truly did not think I was going to make it through my post abortive experience…the pain was that great.  Every day, I would cry and when it became too much for me to bear, I would beg God for his help.  Each time I reached out to Him, he assured me He was with me. The following summer, time had helped to dull the pain, but the weight of it had anchored itself inside me, so I spent many days desperately inviting Jesus to change my heart, praying to St Jude and to the Blessed Mother.  What I am trying to tell you, is that I knocked really, really, REALLY hard; I was desperate and broken and it wasn’t letting up, even though I could still tend to all of my life “responsibilities.” 

          I just never expected the answer would be greater than the degree to which I knocked.

          It wasn’t instantaneous, but He was with me all along.  My deepest conversion and healing didn’t not happen until two years after my abortion, God has His plan, and he definitely needed time to prepare me for the depth of conversion I asked for I was about to experience.  Afterwards, it took me a while to even begin to make sense of his intervention in my life.

I remember being in church and hearing readings, similar to today’s:

Then light shall rise for you in the darkness,
         and the gloom shall become for you like midday;

          I remember stopping in my tracks and realizing, “I think…I think this is happening to me.”  Not sure where to turn, I contacted Theresa and continued my true journey to healing.  Today, trust that He can bring good out of our worst sins, because He can. Believe that joy and hope and healing are possible beyond your wildest expectations through Him. “Jesus, I trust in you.”       

Christina S.

Keeping our Eyes on Christ

 

I get easily distracted. As much as I try to stop myself, I get caught up in the heat of abortion battles, or disagreements within the pro life movement no matter how many times I try to avoid it. It is human nature. We have such huge egos, without even wanting to, we think we are so important.

 It takes a great deal of violence against my natural inclinations to concentrate instead on what God is asking of me today, at this moment.

What is it He would like me to do, and more importantly, do I trust in Him enough to know His hand is in everything and He desires the end to abortion even more than I do.

Sure, sometimes we are called to be involved in certain situations. After prayer and discernment, we may find God is actually calling us to action on a certain issue. If this is the case, no doubt He will provide the necessary graces for us to do what he has willed for us. Most times however, when I find myself in certain situations I realize I have somehow veered off the path and am now following my own road instead of the one God willed for me.

I recently read a great passage on St Augustine in the Eucharist meditation book “Amazing Nearness” by

In it he states:  "St Augustine’s purification was severe. Hippo, into which he had put so much loving effort, had collapsed. What had taken years to build was destroyed...such was the fate of one of the greatest saints and church fathers". (pg37) "Humanly speaking, everything was destroyed. Yet, God never loses; maybe the destruction of Hippo was necessary so St Augustine would find deeper union with God. Christ did not shed His Precious Blood for Hippo, He did it for His beloved Augustine."

Doing pro life work can be very challenging. We have a tendency to fluctuate with the battle depending on whether we see it as a victory or defeat.

He is the only one who will always be there, He will never abandon us, and He is the only one who can end abortion!