"So, do not worry if everything is falling to pieces before you. After all, only your illusions that separate you from the One and Only Love, who desires to fix everything, are crumbling to pieces." (The Two Pillars; S.C. Beila)
“An illusion is a distortion of the senses… While illusions distort reality, they are generally shared by most people.”
Life is full of illusions - we can look at people in situations that are, in reality, very different from what they seem…
- The wife whose husband is cheating and she does not know has the "illusion” of a happy marriage
- The person driving a BMW who is in major debt carries the “illusion” of being rich
- The woman working for Planned Parenthood who is post abortive and in denial portrays the “illusion” that she is fine with having her abortion
- The post abortive woman who goes through life seemingly just fine while dying on the inside.
I once read a review on a book written by the girl who was Bob Dylan’s girlfriend when he was rising to fame. She could not handle the way things changed. She found, after a time, it was time to end the relationship even though they “loved each other very much,” but not before an abortion and emotional breakdown shattered her. In truth, they probably did not know how to love and the breakup was most likely more to do with the abortion than anything else.
We don’t know - our illusions separate us from the truth, which is Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ who is the only truth. It is hard to admit and/or accept or even wrap our mind around the truth. Our pride, our “self” rejects the thought. When I really began to pray about this, it seemed to me that much of life is an illusion and that I cling to many of them in my attempt to be something I am not.
This was very interesting in thinking of illusions in relation to my life and specifically abortion, my abortion. "So, do not worry if everything is falling to pieces before you..." Much easier said than done. My natural impulse when all seems to be falling apart is to panic, to feel as though my security is threatened. I then work hard to create another illusion so that I think I am secure. I guess it is a lot like dealing with addiction, everyone enables to give a false sense of everything being okay. It is only when the addict hits bottom, admits the truth, and turns to a higher power, that there is any chance of lasting sobriety. Not much different than dealing with our abortions.
Failure to create illusions is actually a great grace although in our humanness it is scary. My nature hates it. But I realize that it is these precise times, when I am most in need and know I cannot do it without the help of God, that I actually live in the truth and draw closer to Christ. I recognize my helplessness and great need for Him, and the frailty of my "self" made “security."
I cannot remember a time when I felt more like “everything was falling to pieces” as I did after my abortion. I was desperate and shattered. I felt like life could never be okay again. I know there were many times when I felt like I was not making any progress in my healing. Each time an old issue showed up I felt as though I was moving backwards instead of forward. In temptations to despair, the difference from what we believe or “feel” and what is, our illusions create a false security.
As many of you know, a good friend of mine Fr. Michael Sepp died of cancer. One of the things he said to me when he first found out was nothing was different from the day before when he thought he was feeling better, and everything was fine. Then, he went to get the results of his tests, and reality took hold, everything changed. Then, he was living in truth and recognized the false security we live in.
"If you are struggling with fear, anxiety, grief, loss of loved ones, hurt, anger or anything that makes life difficult or the road through it dark, then this book was written for you. Fr. Benedict offers practical suggestions on how to keep going and even grow with the help of God's grace, even when this help seems remote. The Christian response to the problem of evil and suffering began with the cross of Christ. Our answer is inseparable from the cross-from Jesus' own encounter with evil and his triumph over it. In this light, Fr. Benedict recalls some of our most frequently encountered sorrows and griefs: the failure of friends, financial and personal insecurity, the failure of some in the Church, our own inconsistent behaviors and weaknesses, and the death of loved ones. As we examine these painful experiences, he shows that we can find solutions in the Gospel and in the lives of saints, heroes, and very brave ordinary people." Arise from Darkness (Fr. Benedict Groeschel)
There is no “getting there” in this life. If we think we are there, it is the biggest illusion. Truth would tell us we are not even close to being there. Life is a constant process of me clinging to my illusions and with God's grace letting them go, of pulling ourselves back to live in the Presence of Christ, the only truth.
