Reclaiming Our Children

Accepting our brokenness

Had an abortion?

If you have chances are it has left you broken in many ways

When you think about it it makes total sense

How can you participate in the death of your child and have it not impact you? I think you would have to be part of the walking dead for that to happen

 

We hide and run from our brokenness. We feel the need to be “together” and often believe anything else is unacceptable.

 

 

Sadly todays society plays into that , but the truth is,we are all broken in some ways, the results of our life experiences. And although we may strive for perfection we will never achieve it here in this life.

 

God understands our brokenness and seeks to heal our wounds. To dwell with us helping us receive His love and mercy

 

It’s not an easy journey to healing but it is one so worth it. A realization of Mercy waiting for us in our brokenness, pointing out the way to the tools we need to heal emotionally and spiritually

 

Don’t run don’t hide, but rather throw yourself into the arms of Christ who is waiting to receive you!

 

Our Help - The Communions of Saints

 

 

So we are  into my favorite novena time
of the year...make no mistake about it, we receive major help from the Saints,
many of whom promised to spend their heaven doing good on earth...pray to them!

This particular time is filled with the Feast Days of those I hold dear...

Archangels-Sept 29
St Therese October 1st
Guardian Angels Oct 2
St Francis Oct 4
St Faustina Oct 5th

Archangels, Guardian angels, St Therese, St Faustina & St Francis...pray for us!

 

Connecting the Dots - Abortion Triggers

The truth be told, there are always going to be abortion connectors for those of us who have experienced  an abortion. The degree of how they will impact you will change as you heal, but in this life there will always be those reminders, some stronger than others, of the trauma of the aboriton experience and reality of what it really was. The killing of your unborn child.

Today I woke up to the news of the demolition of United Hospital in Port Chester, NY. United Hospital was the place where my life began and my unborn sons ended.

It seems to be a nostolgic occurance for many who speak of the good works they remember happening there. It has been covered in many publications. Unlike them, all I can remember about the hospital is the terror of my coerced saline abortion which took place on its maternity ward. While others were giving birth to their children they killed mine.

The hospital has actually been closed since 2004 when it filed bankruptcy. 

I have to admit I have wondered how many other babies were killed in that place. 

From what  I have heard, it will be turned into a community with hundreds of apartments, shopping and other emnities. A part of me whats to tell them before they build, to bless the land where the blood of innocents flowed and I am sure many mothers suffered.

It is strange that it still brings up such strong feelings, but that is the trauma of the abortion. The good thing is it does not have the power it once did. I am not living in the lies of abortion and by the grace of God have received healing.

I for one I'm glad the building is being destroyed - it ceased to be a place of healing when it decided to kill the unborn. Perhaps that is why, from a spiritual view, it came into financial ruin.

As this place moves into oblivion, may the souls of the innocent babies who died there be at rest in the Lord, and may their families find the healing grace of God who longs to give them His peace.

Two Perspectives - Same Cross

Here are some thoughts from Will Goodman who was recently imprisoned, along with four others, for doing a rescue in Washington DC.

Beautiful words from a beautiful soul! 

I am blessed to have a narrow 2 inch long window by which to see the blue sky. Deo gratias.

It's labor day weekend and it seems I am right where God wants me to be, even if it's not so much where I wanted to be. In some ways a jail cell is like a womb in that it is a place of confinement, hope and waiting. You are in the dark regarding all that's happening in the world. Far away from the action. But you are close to God ...despite the times of feeling alone.

It can be a place of life and growth. It may sound strange, but in some ways I feel closer to my persecuted preborn sisters and brothers here than almost anywhere (save maybe for in a church during the Liturgy or inside a fully operational killing facility). The jail retreat makes you feel invisible to the world. Helpless and absent. Separated. Muted. It makes me mourn the many tens of thousands of little ones who die alone. And helpless. And separated. Their tiny cries muted. Dying at abortion chambers where all humanity is utterly absent. These heavy thoughts haunt me constantly here. I am heartbroken over how tragically alone God's children are inside these killing facilities. :( And yet, I am more convinced as ever for the need of rescue and this particular gift of self - which one offers to the perishing - as also a personal presence of peace and conscience to the parents at the last moment.

Rescue is a truthful witness of love, before love comes too late, with the hope that love will conquer selfishness and fear. It is also a witness of nonviolence in a place of awful violence. A witness to hope in the gallows of despair. Rescuers seek to join Christ the Divine Rescuer Who is the Light of Hope. I suppose there's a certain fittingness for rescuers to be incarcerated over Labor Day weekend. A witness of good against evil is our labor. And our small gift of loving reparation

 

His words touched my heart and inspired me to write the following as someone who has experienced abortion and worked in ministry with thousands of others:

Sometimes when I pray, I wonder if I’ve got it all wrong.

As someone who has experienced the gamut of abortion, through its pressures, its reality, and its healing I believe it is crucial for us to reach the millions of souls separated from God because of abortion. To bring the love of God to them so they have a conversion of heart and will in turn, bring others to Him and then speak the truth of abortion as no one else can.

This total truth of what is abortion will relate to many souls lost to God because of this horrific act. Souls perhaps pro-abortion because they do not see any way back from the hell, they placed themselves in.

It is difficult to read at times, the words of someone so self-giving as those of Will Goodman, (attached), currently sitting in jail with four others, (John Hinshaw, Lauren Handy, Herb Geraghty and Heather Idoni) because of a rescue they did in DC in 2020. You can hear the purity of his intentions. He is out there trying to save babies and their moms from abortion. He has joined his suffering to those of the unborn obviously in deep solidarity with their experience.

One line in the attached correspondence struck me deeply as he explains his experience in jail, “The jail retreat makes you feel invisible to the world. Helpless and absent. Separated. Muted.”

This is how countless people who have experienced abortions feel within both the pro-abortion and pro-life movements. Invisible, helpless, ignored, separated, muted. They too often feel imprisoned, not by walls or bars but in their heart by the consequences of the act of abortion itself.

For us it is a fitting penance for denying the life of our children, but I also believe it is a tactic of the devil to obstruct the entire picture of abortion and to keep people living in guilt and shame without hope of redemption or reconciliation with God, their babies and themselves.

There are many out there in the pro-life battle who believe the tactics of rescue are wrong. Emails are even surfacing distancing themselves from this aspect of the movement, saying breaking the law is not necessary.

I disagree. God calls different people to different things.

The discrepancy comes as some focus only on the things of the world, while others are more tied to the spiritual aspects, the uniting of the worldly and the spiritual through sacrifice and suffering. This takes great courage and love. A courage and love acquired only through God’s grace. A gift from Him which provides the peace of heart needed even during the turmoil and loss of personal freedom. An understanding of the spiritual implications of the sacrifice of self to save life and bring souls to Christ.

It can be difficult to listen to these people if you are post-abortive and not in a deep place of healing. It can trigger the voice of the devil implying all he does to keep them in despair- unforgiven, and without hope. Damned, not deserving of redemption.  Here is a stranger trying to save the children we ourselves did not protect for whatever reason. Selfishness? Fear? Pressure? In the end it does not really matter because in the end it is not about us

Do we deserve hell? Without a doubt. It is difficult to imagine a sin more grievous than abortion. Something that cries out for justice, the taking of innocent human life.

But that is the point. To unite the “world” with “heaven”. To meet in that place where love defeats sin, even a sin as grievous as abortion.

To take the focus off ourselves and put it on Jesus Christ, His love and mercy and his sacrifice - the death of His innocence for us at the cross which won our redemption. That is how limitless His love and mercy are.

With this acknowledgement, as someone who has participated in abortion, we must always be careful. We must always remember our salvation is not the result of anything we do, but a gift from a loving and merciful God who sent His Son into the world for our salvation.

It can become easy in our humanness to think it is us. To become proud in our healing, to even get caught up in the “celebrity” of sin we see all too often nowadays. We must pray constantly to always keep our eyes fixed on Christ in gratitude like St Mary Magdalene never forgetting our sin but becoming penitents of love because of the love and mercy He has shown us.

I’m the end I don’t think I’ve have gotten it wrong, but neither has Will or the other rescuers. We may each be called to travel different paths, but we are all called to the same place. The foot of the Cross where the find the Mary’s and John and experience the spiritual martyrdom of Christs crucifixion. The only place love is deep enough to end this horrific sin of abortion.

Let us all join in prayer for these courageous pro-lifers who laid down their lives for the cause of life and salvation of souls.

 

 

The Beast Of Our Spiritual Pride

The Beast Of Our Spiritual Pride

"Spiritual pride preys on everything that it can ingest It even feeds on making a good examination of conscience and the contrition that comes from noticing our faults. The beast of spiritual pride can grow in us catastrophically." (God Alone Suffices, Third Edition, pg. 93)

 

 

I remember when I first came back to the church. We had a very dynamic faith filled new priest in our parish, and the Spirit was very alive in all that was going on. It was easy to feel good about things. I was basking in my new found faith. Being spiritually immature, I thought we were something special and took pride in the things we were doing in the pro life movement and a lot of other places.

When that priest left our parish, so did a lot of people.  It seemed the Spirit took leave with him and so many of the wonderful things he had begun one by one ended. It was painful. The presence of God I had begun so accustom too seemed to have disappeared. How could that be? I was crushed.

In hindsight it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I began to learn that faith, true faith, had nothing to do with what I was feeling at one moment to the next but everything to do with my belief in the promises of God.

It was a hard lesson to learn.  I often felt abandoned which was a real trigger for me from my abortion, but I refused to believe that God would abandon me. After all, I had an encounter with Him in my healing and there was nothing or no one who could take that experience away from me. And so, I began to learn to trust in darkness, and then I began to learn to trust in the midst of attacks because I believe in Gods love and His word.

Sure it is not always easy. I still get tossed around by the storms of life at times, but no matter how I feel, I never think of walking away.  I know God is present to me always even when I cannot feel Him.

That truth has been a mainstay for me through many of life’s difficulties.  Now, when I am blessed with “feeling” His presence, instead of thinking I somehow have something to do with it, I am very much aware it is a gift from Him and not something I deserve and this too is a gift.

Jesus, I trust in You!

Prayers for You!

On Friday September 8th, Mary’s birthday, I will be leaving for a ten-day trip to Medjugorje.

In many ways my healing from abortion began in this little Hamlet. I had just returned to the church and made a pilgrimage to Medjugorje in the late eighties with members of my parish.

I remember being very raw and in great pain as I struggled to find peace after having been coerced into a saline abortion by my father while I was in my teens. The abortion was life altering and contrary to what women are told, life did not go back to normal after my pregnancy was terminated.

I don’t remember too much about that first trip to Medjugorje except spending most of the time crying, as if Mary were allowing me to feel for the first time, the deep grief and sorrow that society denied and told me I was not allowed to acknowledge.

For some reason I had the foresight to bring a fetal model with me to represent my aborted son Joshua. I left it on the top of cross mountain entrusting him to Jesus and Mary. It was a life changing trip- a first act of true surrender and trust. I knew I was safely under Mary’s mantle.

In the years that followed I progressed in my healing and became involved in pro-life work. I was active in our parish Respect Life Group and even some activism. In time, through God’s grace, I co-developed a ministry of healing named Entering Canaan, with the Sisters of Life, which was later expanded with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal to include men and siblings of aborted babies.

From its beginnings, I have always known Entering Canaan belonged to Our Lady. It was an unspoken reality of what was revealed in prayer with her developing its different aspects. She became our patroness of the ministry under the title of Our Lady of Czestochowa, the polish icon said to have been painted by St Luke. There her face bears permanent wounds that even though covered numerous times by painters, always resurface, much like the denial and wounds of those who have had abortions.

Many years after my first trip to Medjugorje, I felt very strongly I was being called back.

I did not know anyone going but a friend told me of a group to connect with once I got there and so I made my plans. As things turned out, I was put with the wrong group and ended up meeting a man from Australia who had also experienced abortion.

We spoke a lot during that time, and I expressed the desire I had to bring a group of people from the Entering Canaan ministry to Medjugorje for a healing retreat. I went home with that in my heart not knowing if it would be possible since so many of those in the ministry were not in a financial position to go. Still, I knew if it were Our Lady’s desire, she would find a way.

Not long after returning I received a message from my friend from Australia. He had returned home and had been praying and he told me he wanted to give me $10,000 to bring a group to Medjugorje.

I was overwhelmed by his generosity but told him I did not know if I could allow him to do that and that he should pray about it more and so would I.

Not too long after I heard from him again. He told me he was praying and that I was right, he should not give me $10,000, he should give me $30,000 to have this retreat.

I don’t know what to say about this man and his generosity except that I am sure Our Lady will give back a hundredfold for this gift he gave to so many.
We were blessed to have three of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, Fr Mariusz Koch, CFR, Fr Conrad Osterhaut, CFR and Br Gerard, CFR accompany us on the trip as well as David Reardon, of Elliot Institute, a friend who does research on the impact of abortion on women. His work truly grounded me in my healing, validating all the things I had felt for years but was told were nonexistent.

So, with the Fathers, Dave and twenty something others we embarked on a life changing retreat in Medjugorje embraced by the mercy, love, and forgiveness that Christ longed to give. At the end of the trip we brought hearts with our children’s names on them and left them at the top of cross mountain in gratitude and love.

And so once again I will set out to Medjugorje, feeling her call. This time I am only going with one friend. I have no idea why she is calling but I do know and trust to listen.

In these times of such chaos all over the place it is so important to stay grounded in Them. To remember Christ came to call sinners and we are not deserving of it, which makes it even more beautiful!

To remember always, that the victory is at the cross, the place of ultimate love and He is waiting for us in our woundedness, to fill us with His healing and love. May the Queen of Peace once more direct my travels as she leads me always closer to her Son.!  Keeping you all in prayer!