On Friday September 8th, Mary’s birthday, I will be leaving for a ten-day trip to Medjugorje.
In many ways my healing from abortion began in this little Hamlet. I had just returned to the church and made a pilgrimage to Medjugorje in the late eighties with members of my parish.
I remember being very raw and in great pain as I struggled to find peace after having been coerced into a saline abortion by my father while I was in my teens. The abortion was life altering and contrary to what women are told, life did not go back to normal after my pregnancy was terminated.
I don’t remember too much about that first trip to Medjugorje except spending most of the time crying, as if Mary were allowing me to feel for the first time, the deep grief and sorrow that society denied and told me I was not allowed to acknowledge.
For some reason I had the foresight to bring a fetal model with me to represent my aborted son Joshua. I left it on the top of cross mountain entrusting him to Jesus and Mary. It was a life changing trip- a first act of true surrender and trust. I knew I was safely under Mary’s mantle.
In the years that followed I progressed in my healing and became involved in pro-life work. I was active in our parish Respect Life Group and even some activism. In time, through God’s grace, I co-developed a ministry of healing named Entering Canaan, with the Sisters of Life, which was later expanded with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal to include men and siblings of aborted babies.
From its beginnings, I have always known Entering Canaan belonged to Our Lady. It was an unspoken reality of what was revealed in prayer with her developing its different aspects. She became our patroness of the ministry under the title of Our Lady of Czestochowa, the polish icon said to have been painted by St Luke. There her face bears permanent wounds that even though covered numerous times by painters, always resurface, much like the denial and wounds of those who have had abortions.
Many years after my first trip to Medjugorje, I felt very strongly I was being called back.
I did not know anyone going but a friend told me of a group to connect with once I got there and so I made my plans. As things turned out, I was put with the wrong group and ended up meeting a man from Australia who had also experienced abortion.
We spoke a lot during that time, and I expressed the desire I had to bring a group of people from the Entering Canaan ministry to Medjugorje for a healing retreat. I went home with that in my heart not knowing if it would be possible since so many of those in the ministry were not in a financial position to go. Still, I knew if it were Our Lady’s desire, she would find a way.
Not long after returning I received a message from my friend from Australia. He had returned home and had been praying and he told me he wanted to give me $10,000 to bring a group to Medjugorje.
I was overwhelmed by his generosity but told him I did not know if I could allow him to do that and that he should pray about it more and so would I.
Not too long after I heard from him again. He told me he was praying and that I was right, he should not give me $10,000, he should give me $30,000 to have this retreat.
I don’t know what to say about this man and his generosity except that I am sure Our Lady will give back a hundredfold for this gift he gave to so many.
We were blessed to have three of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, Fr Mariusz Koch, CFR, Fr Conrad Osterhaut, CFR and Br Gerard, CFR accompany us on the trip as well as David Reardon, of Elliot Institute, a friend who does research on the impact of abortion on women. His work truly grounded me in my healing, validating all the things I had felt for years but was told were nonexistent.
So, with the Fathers, Dave and twenty something others we embarked on a life changing retreat in Medjugorje embraced by the mercy, love, and forgiveness that Christ longed to give. At the end of the trip we brought hearts with our children’s names on them and left them at the top of cross mountain in gratitude and love.
And so once again I will set out to Medjugorje, feeling her call. This time I am only going with one friend. I have no idea why she is calling but I do know and trust to listen.
In these times of such chaos all over the place it is so important to stay grounded in Them. To remember Christ came to call sinners and we are not deserving of it, which makes it even more beautiful!
To remember always, that the victory is at the cross, the place of ultimate love and He is waiting for us in our woundedness, to fill us with His healing and love. May the Queen of Peace once more direct my travels as she leads me always closer to her Son.! Keeping you all in prayer!
