Reclaiming Our Children

Trusting in Fear

“Although the desert is fearful, I walk with lifted head and eyes fixed on the sun: that is to say, on the merciful Heart of Jesus! (Diary, 886)

 

In my talks, I often speak of how shy I was before my healing. I make a joke of it but it is completely true, I was afraid to order MacDonald’s. That is how timid I was. Now, God has me speaking of my worse sin often in front of thousands of people! Talk about the power of the Holy Spirit.

I have come to disassociate myself with my talks because I truly believe they are about HIM, and what He has done in my life, not about me and what I have done. The miracle of my healing has given me the great gift of courage through my faith. Something I am so grateful for and of which I would not be able to do this work without. It has also given me great freedom, because my trust is in Him not in me. Before every talk I ask Him to kick me out of the way and give me the words He would have me say.

Does this mean there is never any anxiety or fear? Of course not, but these are the times where I allow it to be about me instead of Him. Times when my human nature is fighting to take over, and either get me to quit or get me to fumble. Sometimes, I am tormented for days before a talk and it is only my faith in Him that allows me to continue.

I move forward in spite of the fear because I know it is His will for me. I may have to drag myself to the place I am speaking fighting myself all the way, but the important thing is, I go, in spite of all I am feeling.

I am sure that a part of Jesus wanted to run the other way many times during His ministry, especially on the way to Golgatha, but He also knew the goodness and love of the Lord and what He willed for Him and trusted in that goodness.

So, I drag myself along like the limping sheep in the Gospel. I pray to kick myself out of the way, keep my eyes on Him and trust that He will provide what it is I am meant to say. I ask for Our Lady’s intercession as always, and I speak to the truth of abortion, its destruction of the unborn and its damage to countless others, and then I watch the grace of God work, as He touches hearts and minds with His Mercy.

“Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence.”  Pope John Paul II (15^th World Youth Day, Vigil of Prayer, Tor Vergata, August 19, 2000)

An excerpt from the book "A Journey to Healing Through Divine Mercy"

Defend us in Battle!

I don’t know if anyone can ever fully understand the trauma of abortion if they have never been through it.  The wound is so deep that just reaching its depth is excruciating.  It is hard to comprehend the pain surrounding this trauma and the faith and trust needed to work through it.

I love working with those who have experienced abortion. I understand the amazing gift of their soul that they are giving when they share their experience and trust enough to bare their soul in its entirety, knowing that I understand because I have been there, and they will still be loved.  I understand how precious this gift of trust is that they give, when they have experienced abandonment, betrayal, abuse, and most traumatic, the death of their child.  The loss is not of an abstract child or unborn baby, it is their child.

How do you explain to others the depths of that wound or the value of the gift of trust you give after that experience? I am not sure there are words to adequately do that, but I do know the value of such an act and pray each day never to abuse that trust, but to cherish it always.

The wound of the trauma of abortion never leaves you in this life.  Sure, you can have deep spiritual healing, joy, and peace in your life.  Trust that comes from totally experiencing the mercy of God will always get you through whatever life brings you, but you are also still an imperfect human with weakness and flaws. That means you will suffer at times, and that the trauma will come up through your personal connectors.  But, do not lose hope at those times.  It is God calling you deeper into His heart.

The opening of those deep wounds on a human level can take a lot of suffering to close up again, but that has nothing to do with your faith or trust in God. Faith is not a feeling and you can surely suffer deeply while still trusting. Jesus did it.  You can, as He did, offer your suffering up to God which He will surely use for good.

When He was betrayed and abandoned, Jesus felt deep pain, but He trusted through it all. His suffering and horrific death led to the resurrection and our salvation. He trusted and won the battle over sin and death. His life in us, by His grace, will do the same.

So many of the saints have told us this as well, as evidenced in the following quotes by two Saints whose feast days we celebrate in the coming week.

“O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and unaffectedly with those from whom our nature flees, or with those who, deliberately or not, have made us suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible. At such times more than at others, I try to discover the Lord Jesus in such a person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for such people.” St. Faustina Diary 766

“I understood that to become a saint one had to suffer much, seek out always the most perfect thing to do, and forget self. I understood, too, that there are many degrees of perfection and each soul was free to respond to the advances of the Our Lord, to do little or much for Him, in a word, to choose among the sacrifices He was asking. Then, as in the days of my childhood, I cried out: 'My God I choose all!' I do not want to be a saint by halves. I'm not afraid to suffer for you. I fear only one thing: to keep my own will; so take it, for I choose all that You will!" St. Therese

I truly believe those healed from abortion are then called be major warriors in this life.  Called to be sufferers with Christ. I believe that their sufferings will then be redemptive, another paradox of the amazing mercy of God, that He would use those who participated in such a horrific act to, through their suffering and witness to His mercy, bring others to His heart.

No, I do not think there are very many who can truly understand the trauma of abortion if they have not been there, but God understands, and in the end He is the only one that matters.

Jesus, we trust in You!

 Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

Men-Hurting after Abortion?

Mending My Heart and Marriage after Abortion

A hole was ripped in my heart the day I got my abortion along with a hole in my marriage. How could I trust this person who did not love all of me, did not want our baby?  Who was I now that I had rejected this new life?  I hated myself.  My identity as a mother and wife was shattered. What kind of mother was I? How could I ever respect myself again?  How could I respect my marriage, my husband? How come I didn’t stand up for my child?  How come I didn’t know it was a child and not a blob of cells?  I hated the people who had convinced me abortion was the better path.  I hated the people who made me think choosing life was a selfish act. And one of those people was my husband. I hated myself for being so blind.

I felt deadened.  I thought my husband would always protect me and now I knew different.  I felt unloved by the man I had always thought loved me.  We carried on, but it was different because I felt I could never be happy again.  I resented my husband for his lack of support, for his lack of understanding of my pain; a pain that only increased with time. After fifteen years it had become intolerable.

He could only see things in practical terms and was impatient with me at times, but in the end I wore him down.  He came to finally share my deep regret.  Only the grace of God in our marriage could heal this kind of schism.  John Paul II had blessed our marriage and I credit him with keeping us together. But those were lonely years filled with failed attempts to release, cover and deny the agony. Attempts that did not work and were often very destructive.

We were ignorant really and duped by the secularists around us who influenced our thinking and only thought of the child in materialistic terms.  We had lost our connection to God.  That’s when I became absolutely certain that returning to the Catholic Church, which we had left, was my only salvation.  Only there would I find Christ truly revealed.  Only there, could I trust I would find the truth.

In my weakness I had closed my heart and mind.  Everyone else, every other theology, spirituality, philosophy had lied to me and led me down this path of destruction. Only the Catholic Church taught the hard truths in the face of the worldwide lie and pressure to believe that abortion was just a simple procedure that benefited woman and their families. My first abortion took me away from the Catholic Church. My second brought me back.

My healing began through an Entering Canaan Day of Prayer and Healing and continued at a Hope & Healing weekend.  I saw the brochure at the back of my Church and at first threw it away.  They’ll just make me feel guilty I thought.  I had confessed my sin, what more can I do?  I don’t want to dwell on it. It took 12 more months of on and off depression and increasing feelings of despair and regret for me to listen to that little voice saying go – go to this retreat.

I spent the whole day shedding the tears I had never shed and experiencing the love of God.  I actually took off the cloak of denial and justification of what I had done and was wrapped in Christ’s warmth and healing mercy.  The Hope & Healing Weekend was even deeper.  I was able to believe and rest in God’s forgiveness.

Now, I wanted this for my husband.  I wanted this for his soul.  I knew that he had never suffered the regret I had, but I also knew that if he did not face up to his part, it would keep him from God and keep him from me.  It took a little prodding but he saw the change in me.  He saw me experience joy and peace even though there still was sadness.

After a while, my husband attended an Entering Canaan men’s retreat. I could tell immediately that this had been a profound experience for him.  In the end, it has brought us so much closer together.  We are now on the same spiritual track, and he has asked for my forgiveness. This moved me deeply and washed away any feelings of bitterness I had.  I feel like I finally have my sweetheart back.   ~CSB

Pray, Hope & don't worry!

Today is the Feast Day of Padre Pio...a Capuchin priest who had the stigmata (bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus), could read souls in the confessional and also was known to have the gifts of bilocation, levitation, prophecy, miracles, extraordinary abstinence from both sleep and nourishment ( People would come from all around to have him hear their confessions...he would spend hours and hours in the confessional and was know for telling people sins they left out while confessing!

All his life he was also said to have seen his guardian angel. There is a great book about this relationship called  "Send Me Your Guardian Angel" http://www.aquinasandmore.com/index.cfm/title/Send-Me-Your-Guardian-Angel/FuseAction/store.ItemDetails/SKU/18300/   A definite must read!

In 1918 Padre Pio received the visible stigmata, which would stay with him for the next 50 years.

Like St Terese and St Faustina, and many saints, he also said that after his death he would do more. His body  is said to be incorrupt.

When I first came back to the church and learned about Padre Pio he terrified me. I felt he could see all my sins and was sure to , like my aborted son, to convict me before God. As time went by and I learned my faith and Gods deep love and mercy and His desire for me to be in heaven, I developed a close relationship with Padre Pio. His Novena to the Sacred Heart is a prayer I have said daily for years and I consider him one of the saints I feel closest to and know he is continually helping me in this life.

May Padre Pio intercede for each of us. May we send him our guardian angels and together may they  lead us to heaven to eternal life with Jesus, Mary and our unborn children who love us with the love of Christ!

Efficacious Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

I. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you." Behold I knock, I seek and ask for the grace of...... (here name your request)
Our Father....Hail Mary....Glory Be to the Father....Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.


II. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, if you ask anything of the Father in my name, he will give it to you." Behold, in your name, I ask the Father for the grace of.......(here name your request) Our Father...Hail Mary....Glory Be To the Father....Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

III. O my Jesus, you have said: "Truly I say to you, heaven and earth will pass away but my words will not pass away." Encouraged by your infallible words I now ask for the grace of.....(here name your request) Our Father....Hail Mary....Glory Be to the Father...Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you.

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, for whom it is impossible not to have compassion on the afflicted, have pity on us miserable sinners and grant us the grace which we ask of you, through the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, your tender Mother and ours.
Say the Hail, Holy Queen and add: St. Joseph, foster father of Jesus, pray for us.

Our Lady of Sorrows

Sorrowing for both the unborn and those souls lost because of abortion!

“The Mother of Sorrows is my confidante, my teacher, my counselor, and my powerful advocate.”
– Padre Pio

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

Reclaiming Our Children in the Lord

This is a Reclaiming Our Children graphic I had made years ago. It speaks to my uniting myself to my son when I receive Jesus in the Eucharist.

It is a beautiful act of faith-receiving my Savior who in His mercy forgives me and comes to me, but He not only comes tome, He brings  me my son.

Heaven and earth meet.

I know it can be scary to speak to your children before you have healing, but do it anyway! They desire your healing. They love you and if you have repented they forgive you and long for you to be with them in heaven.

The depths of God'smercy are infathomable...Jesus, we trust in You!

 

"As you give yourself in humility and trust to repentance the Father of Mercies is ready to give you His forgiveness and peace." EV99

 

PS. Yes there is a typo in "repentance"- this is not the final graphic which actually is in color...

Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness - The Triumph of the Cross

This is something I wrote decades ago.

Although it is totally true I have learned since then that there is always deeper healing, a deeper entering into the wounds so He can heal us to our core-

I am also sure total healing does not come until heaven. But that does not mean there is not joy, and gratitude - joy and gratitude because despite the pain deeper healing entails, there is also deeper love, deeper peace and deeper intimacy with Christ...

 

Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness

It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love. 

An act of complete trust and surrender. A climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.

I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else, and I longed to be healed.  The movement despite the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to lose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.

I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, despite me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach complete surrender.

There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.

I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.

And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, by His grace, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.

There, His mercy met my faithfulness, and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.

To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt,” it is possible.

Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.