This is something I wrote decades ago.
Although it is totally true I have learned since then that there is always deeper healing, a deeper entering into the wounds so He can heal us to our core-
I am also sure total healing does not come until heaven. But that does not mean there is not joy, and gratitude - joy and gratitude because despite the pain deeper healing entails, there is also deeper love, deeper peace and deeper intimacy with Christ...
Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness
It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love.
An act of complete trust and surrender. A climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.
I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else, and I longed to be healed. The movement despite the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to lose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.
I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, despite me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach complete surrender.
There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.
I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.
And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, by His grace, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.
There, His mercy met my faithfulness, and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.
To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt,” it is possible.
Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.
