I have been having quite the spiritual experience in the past months. It has been very painful but very beautiful as well. A journey through the dark asking me to trust and go deeper.
I was awoken in the middle of the night last night with the words of a song in my head, "Waiting in the Wound" by Michael & Jessie Corsini.
“You were waiting in the wound that I hid from you”
The next thing I saw in my minds eye was one of those paper people they use in target practice, but it did not have one or two wounds, it had tons of holes shot all over it. It was a mass of holes. I felt it was me…but it was ok.
A realization came over me that the abortion/abandonment is the big wound I have but it is the cumulation of countless wounds … the other wounds of my life being unwanted by my parents, always feeling like a burden, never being made to feel loved or valued from the day I was born...the abortion was just the manifestation of all the other wounds that I was born with. The abandonment did not happen at the abortion, it was always there because I never felt nurtured or loved. (I didn’t feel anything negative regarding my parents, I have forgiven them already and know they too had countless wounds although I do not know what they all were).
Anyway, there I was in this paper image shot up with hundreds of wounds through me, but I did not feel abandoned. I felt loved and light. I saw the body of Christ on the cross next to me with all its wounds and I somehow felt like I fit in to it. Like I could lay on top of it and it was consuming me. Fire and light.
He may have been always there, but He was bringing me deeper into Him. Deeper and deeper.
I have been feeling a lot lately like I am being prepared for battle. A battle in the abortion realm. I do not know what kind of a battle it will be or how it is going to be played out. Will it be spiritual, more prayers, sacrifices, offerings etc. Will it be in confronting and calling out the evil through articles, speaking etc. I have no idea, but I feel probably a little of it all and probably some that I have no idea of yet.
I have been feeling a lot in prayer Christ telling me He thirsts for souls. Souls lost because of abortion. Not just the souls that come seeking healing, but now especially calling me to the souls like the one at the rosary procession I went to a couple of weeks ago who held the sing “I ain’t sorry” sign, I was so drawn to her that day by God. Or the Lady Ga Gas of the world, who are so far away and suffering but do not even know it. Or whoever made that demonic video for Planned Parenthood of the beautiful baby girl justifying killing her. I feel I am being prepared for those souls who seem to have no desire for healing but Christ has a desire for them.
