Reclaiming Our Children

Surrendering Our Sins and Misery

"Is it possible that by our 'goodness' we are trying to earn God's love? Is it possible that we will receive love from our Creator only in exchange for our achievements and virtues? After all, isn't it true that the only possible exchange that can take place between God and a creature is receiving His forgiveness and His mercy 'in return' for surrendering our sins and misery to Him?"
(God Alone Suffices, pg. 106)SC Beila

“Surrendering our sins and misery”. Sounds like it should be so easy. Who wants to hold on to “sins and misery”, yet, we do. We sometimes cling to them as if they were our best friends! Sometimes it is so difficult to let go even when we do not want that which we cling to. Even sin and misery can become familiar and comfortable!

Over the years I have met many women and men who have refused to let go of the pain of their abortions. I am not saying it is something they do consciously, but they believe they do not deserve to be forgiven, or they are not ready to make changes in their lives. Many are afraid to trust. Who can blame them? Often it was those who are supposed to love them that pressured them to abort?

They may mouth the words of wanting to have the pain go away, and yet they cling to the suffering, refusing to feel any relief. In some ways, I think this is because they are afraid if they “surrender” it to God, they are somehow denying their children again. They think they would forget them, as if this were possible.

In some cases, they want to continue to punish themselves. They believe abortion is the unforgivable sin putting a limit on Gods mercy. Others think they need to somehow make up for their abortions before they can surrender, and so they occupy themselves in a million ways, as if it were possible to make up for the taking of their child’s life.

We cannot earn God’s love. Most importantly, we do not have to. It has, and will continue to always be there, for God is Love and Mercy itself.

Healing from our sins is not something he gives in the future…it exists in the present moment. In turning our lives and our wills over to Him who died for our “sins and misery”, and trusting in this love enough to receive His “forgiveness and mercy”. It is in knowing His love for us and trusting that He is constantly leading us into union with Him no matter what sins we have committed in the past if we are truly sorry and are trying to live life in His grace.

So, let go…surrender your sins and your misery…it may be scary at first and more often than not you may find you have to let go over and over again, but when you do, you will not forget your child or your sins, but instead He will transform them both into channels of His grace and you will live in gratitude for the Mercy He has shown you.

On Forgiveness & JPII’s Sash

A reflection from one of the women on our Entering Canaan pilgrimage to Poland.

By Anonymous

For almost 30 years, the fact that I had had an abortion was a secret known to only five people on earth – myself, my baby’s father, my mother, my husband (who didn’t come along until many years later), and my confessor priest. I was a young, single professional and, if I wanted to, I had the means to raise my baby on my own. But I didn’t.

I felt very strongly that my baby needed a father in his or her life. Since that was not to be (because I never saw my baby’s father again after he insisted, I have an abortion), I turned to my mother to help me push the “reset” button on my life. I wasn’t thinking I was carrying a child, that I was declining the miracle of being a mother, and that I could trust God to help me be a good one. Instead, I gave into fear, doubt and shame that I was so stupid that I got pregnant outside of marriage. All I wanted to do was go on with my life, as if my unintended pregnancy never happened. For my mother and I, it never did.

Pushing the “Reset” Button

For over 30 years, we never spoke a word about it, and I got what I wanted --- my life “reset.”
Eventually, I met and married my husband, we had three wonderful kids, who are now grown, and we live well.

Yet, my abortion experience --- and the gravity of the sin of what I had done – was “triggered” when our local Delegate made national news by introducing a bill, ironically called, “The Women’s Health Initiative,” which was, basically, legalizing infanticide. As my kids would say, I “freaked out,” when I heard her on the news, coldly answer “yes” in testimony, to questions like, “so if a baby at 40-weeks, is in the birth canal, your bill would allow a woman to have an abortion?” Yes. The footage played in a seemingly endless loop in the 24/7 news cycle, putting the spotlight on this newly elected (and otherwise insignificant) Virginia Delegate. This media attention wasn’t because her bill was so monstrous (which it was) but because her bill was lauded as a bold leap forward for “reproductive rights,” and women’s freedom. Disgusting, IMHO.

I was a mess! My kids had no idea why (and I was in no state of mind to tell them either.) I needed to do something to help me work through this pain; and I found my way to Project Rachel. I was relieved that I was not “alone,” and enjoyed great fellowship with women of Faith who shared this horrible and life-changing experience. I remain grateful to Project Rachel for all that they do in His Name to heal the post-abortive and for promoting Entering Canaan’s healing pilgrimage to Poland.

Entering Canaan’s Healing Pilgrimage to Poland – More Than Just a “Nice Trip”

About a month before going to Poland, my mother and I had a serious falling out --- not over my
abortion -- far from it! As I said, neither of us have spoken a word about it since it happened over thirty years ago. After she screamed and hung up on me (for the first time ever in my life) over something I honestly don’t know, she had not spoken a word to me even though two of her only three grandchildren (my kids) had graduations after my return. This silence has been extremely painful, and going to Poland,
this rift with my mom (who for decades was my best and sometimes, only friend) was on my heart. I went to Poland expecting just to have a “nice trip,” something --- at the end of the pilgrimage the priest who was our Spiritual Director, said should not be our only take away. A pilgrimage is more than just “a nice trip” --- it changes you.

He was right. I received many graces that have changed me, and I’d like to
share some relating to forgiveness – forgiveness of my mother and of myself.

A Woman at the Well Moment on a Bus Ride to Czestochowa

Whenever we had long bus rides, Father graciously made himself available for anyone to chat, about anything. Taking him up on his offer, I said I was “blocked” in my relationship with God as “the Father.”(Yes, I have deep “father issues,” too. Suffice it to say, my broken relationship with my abusive father has always colored my image of God as a loving father.) Father asked, “Have you asked Jesus to remove this blockage?” “No, I can’t,” I said.“Why?” Father asked.I replied, “Because I am afraid He will cast me out.” To that, Father, kindly, but immediately said, “That’s a lie. And you know that.” Wow. A real Woman at the Well moment. With the same and love and directness I imagine Jesus had with St. Photina, Father “called me out,” on my “B.S.” -- that I could not trust Jesus to heal me if I sincerely asked, and that He would “cast me out,” as my own mother had.Father said there can be no healing without forgiveness. If I want to be healed, I was invited to pray on forgiveness. It can’t be rushed or forced, but you need to ask to be able to forgive before full healing can occur. However, do not to conflate forgiveness with reconciliation. Just because I might forgive my mother, for example, that didn’t necessarily mean we could return to our usual routine.Forgiveness, as I understood from what Father said to me, is a turning of one’s own heart, regardless of what anyone else does or says. You know what the other person did was wrong, and you’re not giving them a “pass” for that wrong. Instead, you release the other person so they “owe” you nothing – for whatever hurt they caused (or you think they caused). You release them to be who they are and to do what they do. Meanwhile, (and this was most important for me), you release yourself from the bondage of needing anything from them --- an apology, getting revenge, validation, and so on. You are released and so are they. Therein, lies true freedom and peace.

Recalling my Hidden Experience --- Going Deep

With my relationship with my mother at the forefront of my mind, during the pilgrimage, I prayed a lot about that day of my abortion and my mother “fixing” my “situation.” My mother convinced me to immediately to disappear from work (out of state) to come home to have the procedure, as if she would be there with me and help me cope. Yet, it was up to me to find the right kind of clinic -- and there were several I walked out of because I was horrified at what I saw. Once I found one, I had to drive myself to and from the procedure --- alone. My mother said she was “busy with work,” so no one was in the waiting room “waiting” for me or prop me up, at least physically, in walking out the door. Afterward, I was by myself in limping to my car and driving home, regardless of the physical effects of the anesthesia or the emotional effects of what I had just done. As is common for those of her “Silent Generation,” my mom lived by the belief that if you conceal a problem well enough, that problem never existed. Concealment and secrecy were the order of the day.

Once I got back to my mother’s house (she was living with my grandmother), I holed up in a makeshift bedroom that was once a closet with a small bed. She told me, “Say nothing to your grandmother. I’ll tell her you can’t come out because you’ve got the flu. And when you’re ready to go (back to my job far away), just go.”

My mother snuck sanitary pads, food, and antibiotics into my little cave. I don’t remember how I lived or disposed of things while I was hiding – everything was a blur. All I can recall now is that the presence of blood and pain were things I had to ignore and cover up -- which I did, emotionally, for thirty plus years.

JP II’s Blood-Stained Sash offered to Our Lady of Czestochowa

Among the many amazing things I beheld (not just saw) in Poland, was the bloodstained Papal sash of Saint Pope John Paull II (“JP II” for brevity; no disrespect intended). His sash, worn during the assassination attempt in St. Peter’s Square in 1981. It is a votive offering he made to Our Lady--- very quietly and without fanfare, many years after the attempt on his life, according to our guide. (See below).

I recalled that JP II met with and publicly forgave Mehmet Ali Agca for the attempt on his life. JP II asked people to"pray for my brother] ... whom I have sincerely forgiven.” 1 (Holy See defers to courts on possible release of would-be Papal assassin. Catholic News Agency.
Vatican City. 9 January 2006.)

Pope John Paul II visits with Mehmet Ali Agca in a Rome prison Dec. 27, 1983.

Their meeting came two years after Agca was arrested for shooting the pontiff in St. Peter Square. The pope publicly forgave his assailant. In 2000, Italy pardoned Agca and returned him to his homeland, Turkey. (CNS file photo by Arturo Mari) Source: https://slmedia.org/blog/jp-ii-we-love-you-pope-john-paul-ii-forgives-his-would-be-assassin I never understood how JP II could do that! How can someone forgive another who has so much hatred, that they attempt to take your life? After our guide pointed out the sash -- among the other sacred objects on the altar of Our Lady -- I became fixated on seeing it in person as much as possible.

I rose before 5 AM (unusual for me) in Czestochowa just so I could get to the Shrine for the 6AM “unveiling” and be near enough to the altar to see JPII’s sash.

The significance of this first class relic struck me in several profound ways. There was the obvious fact that JP II’s blood made a permanent stain in an otherwise pure white Papal sash. In the same way, experiencing abortion permanently stains the purity of a parent’s love for their child. The contrast was striking, tragic, and could never be concealed.

Additionally, I mentioned before JPII’s sash was his votive offering to Our Lady --- perhaps in gratitude for her protection, her healing, and her blessing of his Papacy to continue as long as it did. JP II is a great Marian Saint. By offering of his sash, JP II also offered to her the pain from his nearly fatal wounds. Our Lady understood his wounds (as well as those of the whole world) because she bears many of her own. So, how did he have the ability to forgive? I believe it was through total reliance on her intercession with Her Son, and trust in her – Totus Tuus! He gave himself totally over to her care, to be the perfect instrument in Her hands. As Her instrument, JP II could do nothing but forgive, as Her Son, Jesus Christ forgives. Our Lady always points us toward Her Son, who, she knows painfully well, bled for our sins and forgave his enemies as he did so.  

I had a revelation that if JPII could forgive a man who tried to kill him, I could forgive my mother who was unable to respond in a way I needed. I released her from failing to guide me out of my confusion and protect my baby --- her grandchild. I released her from my need for her to be there for me on that awful day. I forgave her from failing to validate my emerging grief years later, or show any empathy for my suffering and loss. My forgiveness was unconditional, and – as Father said --- she “owed” me nothing in return.

As I forgave my mom, I released myself from needing more from her than she could give. I released myself from constantly seeking her approval and validation – things I always wanted but now realize I would never receive. As my counselor said, “;Now you can stop going to the well because it is completely dry”; Then I looked up John 4:13-14.

Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. By giving my life to Christ, through devotion to Mary, I should never be thirsty again.

Also, when His Blessed Mother adopted me as her own at the foot of her Son’s cross (John 19:26), they both shared in my suffering. Together, they were always with me. I was never alone – driving my car that miserable day, grieving my loss over thirty years later, and loving me for all eternity. “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Mt. 28:20).

Forgiveness Does Not Mean We’re Ready to “Do Lunch” Yet

When Entering Canaan’s pilgrimage ended, I flew from Krakow directly to my oldest’s college town for graduation. What got me through seeing my mom, after not speaking for over a month, and enjoying the weekend as family, was silently repeating a simple prayer to myself that Father gave us on the pilgrimage. This prayer would help me gracefully endure whatever family drama she might create and show up with love, as Jesus would.

Jesus, give me your compassion, your forgiveness, your love, and your mercy for . . . whoever.
When we saw each other, we hugged, made light conversation over meals with the kids, and overall, had a pleasant weekend. I gave her a fine piece of amber jewelry that Poland is known for, as well as a small replica of Our Lady’s icon – a “dog-whistle” about why I went to Poland and had to see the real icon in person. If my mom Googles “Our Lady of Czestochowa,” it is highly likely Theresa’s article/s will come up that Our Lady is the Patroness of Entering Canaan and the Post-Abortive.

Regardless of whether my mom picks-up on my nuanced meaning behind my gift, what matters is that I made a gesture of goodwill to express my unconditional forgiveness. How she responded was completely up to her, and not “on me.”

She never once said, “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken.” “I’m sorry if I hurt you with my silence.” Or, even, “How are you?” as if she cared anything about my well-being (which, sadly, I suspect, she does not.) But, it doesn’t matter! I am free of needing any of those things that she will never offer. For my mom and I to reconcile and “go back” to our daily phone chats, a lot more work from us both, time, prayer, and grace from above, are necessary. As Father said, “you can’t force it.” You can’t force your healing, or reconciliation that is based on that healing. Meanwhile, I had forgiven her and showed up with the love of Christ -- and that is all He asks.

Conclusion --- Totus Tuus!

In the time that has passed since my oldest’s college graduation, my mom has still not communicated with me. She also missed my youngest’s high school graduation, thereafter, without a word. I refuse to try to assess the intent behind her silence, although the impact is that it hurts to be “cast out” by your own mother, for reasons known only to her.

However, Our Lady adopted us as Her children while she witnessed Her Son’s crucifixion. When She did, she witnessed our suffering and entered into it, along with Her Son. Even so, she continues to love us totally! In return, we can safely devote ourselves entirely to Jesus Christ through Her in the same way --

   Totally Yours!

Totus Tuus
Immaculate Conception,
Mary my Mother,
Live in me. Act in me.
Speak in me and through me.
Think your thoughts in my mind.
Love through my heart.
Give me your dispositions and feelings,
                Teach, lead me and
guide me to Jesus.
Correct, enlighten and expand my
Thoughts and behavior.
Possess my soul.
Take over my entire personality and
life, replace it with Yourself.
Incline me to constant adoration.
Pray in me and through me.
Let me live in you and keep
Me in this union always.
Amen   - St JPII

Abortion & the Eighth Station

“Do not weep for me; weep instead for yourselves and for your children.”

I just saw what they are calling a “fact sheet” put out by the White House, touting how wonderful they are for protecting women’s “ reproductive rights”.  Of course, their “facts” are based on half-truths and downright lies. It is scary and heartbreaking because sadly many women believe their rhetoric. In fact I think it is possible the Democrats are going to win on the abortion issue. I pray I am wrong. I hate to think we have become so hard hearted that we will do anything so that we can kill our unborn children.

Just this week France secured abortion in their constitution lighting up the Eiffel Tower with the words “my body, my choice” in French, and as if that were not bad enough, the Huffington Post had a piece from a mom who was lamenting the fact that our daughters may not have access to abortion if they go to college in certain states, so be careful which one you pick! After all, abortion access is more important than education.

One thing each of these pieces had in common, aside from their blatant lies, was the omission of the truth of what abortion is and does. The online definition states, “ Abortion is the termination of a pregnancy by removal or expulsion of an embryo or fetus.” What of course is missing from that, is what exactly they do to that fetus to “expel” it. We would rather not know.

"Weep not for me; weep instead for yourselves and for your children.”

As I prayed the stations of the cross this morning I was particularly struck with the eighth station. It is not as if I had not thought of this before, but the intensity of the meaning seemed to come fully alive as I reflected on the state of our country and the world in relation to abortion and destruction of the dignity and beauty of motherhood.

Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen...He knew women, through this terrible act, were going to destroy all that is good and loving in themselves, giving rise to harden hearts detached from the child they had once carried in their womb, gleefully celebrating instead their right to destroy it. Jesus knew the unborn were going to be viciously slaughtered, torn apart, burnt, and yanked from the place they should be the safest. He knew the devastation abortion was going to cause to living siblings who feel they need to justify their existence because a brother or sister were terminated. "Weep not for me; weep instead for yourselves and for your children.”

I truly believe that the eighth station is for our times. He saw that abortion is the destruction of women and children- the most sacred bond there should be. The sacrament of “reproductive freedom”, “my body, my choice”, ultimately causing the bondage of millions of people many living in silent suffering or justifying what they did because to do otherwise would mean having to face the truth .

In “The Imitation of Christ”, Thomas Kempis states,  "Love is swift, sincere, pious, pleasant and delightful; strong, patient, faithful, prudent, longsuffering, courageous, and never seeking itself. For where a man seeks himself he falls from love "

That is exactly what abortion does, it seeks itself. It is not always intentional, many women fall prey to the lies they have been fed for decades, truly believing it is the answer to their problem. The self-seeking also can be hidden by false compassion that makes a mother believe it is loving to kill her unborn child in the case of diagnosis abortions, or the belief that it is the best option given other circumstances, but the truth is, it is always “self” seeking and it is always a failure of love.

Sadly, the day will come when the reality of abortion will hit everyone. For some it will not be until the time of the death but make no mistake it will come. Abortion goes against all a woman is and there is no true peace without contrition and reconciliation.

As we continue our Lenten journey, let us pray for the women and men separated from God because of abortion. May they learn of God’s forgiveness and mercy which waits for each one of them, and may we pray for our nation and a world which seems to have lost its soul to the god of abortion, the ultimate failure of love.

 

Temptation

"My daughter, I want to teach you about spiritual warfare. Never trust in yourself, but abandon yourself totally to my will. In desolation, darkness and various doubts, have recourse to Me and to your spiritual director. ... Do not bargain with any temptation; lock yourself immediately in My Heart. ... Put your self-love in the last place, so that it does not taint your deeds. ... Shun murmurers like the plague. Let all act as they like; you are to act as I want you to (Diary, 1760).

 

In the Gospel we read how Jesus remained in the desert for forty days tempted by Satan.

Having been separated from God by our abortions, we are often, within the healing process, tempted, even if we have gone to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Temptations to despair, temptation to old behaviors, temptations to unforgiveness towards others, ourselves, or even believing God has not forgiven us. The list can go on and on.

Temptations are not in themselves a sin. It is what we do with them that can become sinful. It is important to nip them in the beginning so they do not grow into actions. Jesus in His temptations, prayed to God and fasted. He used them as an occasion to join to His Father and grow stronger in His resolve. He knew Satan was a lair and that God is love and Mercy.

The next time you are tempted to despair in your healing, feeling like you are going nowhere and wanting to give up, use the occasion instead, as an opportunity to proclaim your trust in God in spite of what you are feeling.

Pray, offer the temptation up for someone or something, and most importantly reach out for help by picking up the phone and speaking to someone who can guide and walk you through it.

The devil wants to isolate us so he can fill our head with his lies. Remember always, as Jesus did, God love loves you and is there with you even when you cannot feel Him.

“The image of the wilderness is a very eloquent metaphor of the human condition. The book of Exodus narrates the experience of the people of Israel that, after having come out of Egypt, wandered in the Sinai desert during 40 years, before reaching the Promised Land.

During this long journey, the Jews experienced all the force and insistence of the tempter that led them to lose confidence in the Lord and to turn back; but, at the same time, thanks to the mediation of Moses, they learned to listen to the voice of the Lord, who was calling them to become his holy people.” Pope Benedict XVI

 

An excerpt from "The Journey to Healing Through Divine Mercy"

Allowing People to Help You

My daughter, do whatever is within your power to spread devotion to My mercy. I will make up for what you lack. Tell aching mankind to snuggle close to My merciful Heart, and I will fill it with peace.
Tell [all people], My daughter, that I am Love and Mercy itself. When a soul approaches Me with trust, I fill it with such an abundance of graces that it cannot contain them within itself, but radiates them to other souls. (Diary 1074)

If you are like I was, I found it very hard to ask for, or accept help from anyone after my abortion. I had major trust issues and did not want to be vulnerable. The vulnerability of my abortion both before and after, were enough to last a lifetime.

I would shy away from people offering help, convincing myself I was not worthy to receive any. After all, I did not want to “bother’ anyone or, I was going to do it myself. Who needs people when they fail you anyway?

 It took me a long time to admit that it was my pride that stopped me from asking for, or accepting help. I was afraid of rejection, of being let down again, or letting people see my struggles. Now, I am not talking about people who are not capable of being there, but good people who truly wanted to help.

It was so hard for me to allow anyone to help me. At first, I only did it out of desperation.  Perhaps God brought me to that place so I would see how much I needed to meet Him through other people.

I saw needing help as a weakness, but as I came to know Him, I also came to learn that we need to allow people to help us just as much as we need to help other people. "Love one another as I have loved you"

I love the 6^th Station of the Cross, when Veronica wipes the face of Jesus. He, God Himself, does not push her away and say “I am God, I do not need your help” instead, he humbles Himself and allows her this gift of wiping His face, and in return for her kindness he leaves her the image of His face.

When we feel like we do not want to ask for help or allow others to help us, whether it is about our abortion and healing or any other issue, let us remember Jesus and His humility and willingness in allowing Veronica to wipe His face and reach out for the help we need.

“Mercy is love that suffers the evil of another to affirm his dignity so that he does not have to suffer alone.” Pope John Paul II

 

Excerpt from "The Journy to Healing Through Divine Mercy"

A Journey to Healing Through Divine Mercy

I have not done much to promote this book., but I have been blessed to many receive messages from people all over the country telling me how much it helped them in their healing. 

It is so amazing how God uses us in our misery and brokeness and allows us to share the Mercy He has shown us in order to bring others back to Him. Forever grateful for the gift of His mercy...as we move through Lent and closer to the Feast of Divine Mercy, perhaps you know someone who could move closer to the heart of Jesus through this book!

I received this today from a sibling who journaled about her experience with the book.:

I spent almost 20 years on a journey through the seasons of regret, shame, bitterness, anger, despair, and self-hate. When I was providentially gifted a copy of Theresa Bonopartis' book, A Journey to Healing through Divine Mercy, it opened up a new journey into forgiveness, hope, prayer, adoration of our Lord, and most of all, mercy.

This book was my constant companion during a three month devotion of daily Eucharistic Adoration to finally confront and process the pain and shame abortion has had on my life. The format of the book makes it ideal for prayer, reflection, and journaling because it presents the enormous concept of Divine Mercy in bite-size pieces to give you just enough to impactfully reflect on how our Lord's mercy and love can carry us through the most difficult trials and tribulations.

It felt like Theresa was speaking directly to me, as if she could read my mind on what was ailing me that day or put into words what I've been struggling with for years. She put my pain and shame front and center in such a way that I could honor those difficult times and through Divine Mercy, finally put them to rest and let go. My life has been transformed due to the roadmap that God put on Theresa's heart through A Journey to Healing through Divine Mercy. I am so grateful for this book and its author and I pray that anyone struggling with the aftermath of abortion, even siblings of aborted babies, will give this journey a chance to transform pain into a mission of forgiveness and Divine Mercy.

Jesus, we trust in You!

Love of the Father

Struggling with believing in the love of God the Father?

Thinking you can never be forgiven?

A beautiful documentary about God our Father and how He seeks us out...no matter what!

 

My Fathers Father

 

Have you Had an Abortion and are Afraid to go to Confession?

His Mercy is waiting for you this Lent & Always!

I can still remember clearly pulling up to the rectory of the local parish. I had made an appointment to speak to the parish priest about an abortion I had fifteen years previously.

As I parked my car, I felt like my feet were glued to the floor, and I was filled with fear and anxiety. Thanks be to God my fear and anxiety did not override the desperation I felt to be healed from my abortion. As terrified as I was, I forced myself to get out of the car and go knock on the rectory door.

As fearful as I was as someone who had not gone to the sacrament of confession for many years, I proceeded to tell the priest about my abortion and the lifestyle I had been living that resulted in the pregnancy and subsequent abortion. It was the first time I actually felt heard in many years. Often people have a lot to say about abortion, but once it is done no one wants to speak of it.

I was filled with guilt, shame and grief yet somehow held on to some hope of forgiveness although I felt unforgiveable. That afternoon in that rectory, my life changed. Forgiveness was obtained through the sacrament of reconciliation and hope of healing was born, that I could find peace in my heart again.

It is easy to get caught up in the unforgiveness. To keep the focus on ourselves and genuinely believe there is no hope for us after abortion, after all it is a terrible sin, but our healing in the end has nothing to do with what we did, but about the love and mercy of a God who saves. Who sent His only Son into the world to pay the price for our sins through His suffering, death.

I get it. I know the fear, the despair, the shame that you may be feeling because of your abortion. I know what it is like to have the feeling that you are unforgiveable. I know the taunts of the evil one who wants you to believe there is no mercy for you, but I also know the truth! The truth of who God is, the truth of His mercy and forgiveness for our sins if we are contrite. The truth is that He is waiting for each one of us to give us His peace and reconciliation.

Yes, it is a journey to healing but one you will not be taking alone once you receive the graces of the sacraments. This lent take a risk – step out in trust in the mercy and love of our God who saves us. I promise you will not be disappointed. He is waiting for you!

Penitents of Love

A new initiative of the Entering Canaan Ministry is the group "Penitents of Love".

Penitents of Love is a group of women and men who have been through healing and  have experienced the profound mercy of God and have now  decided to do penance and reparation not only for their sin, but for the conversion of those separated from God because of abortion. This penance is not born out of feeling unforgiven or "making up" for their abortions, in fact it is the opposite, it is born out of  a reciprocal love for the mercy that has been shown them and a desire to join in the redemptive work of Christ.

(Artwork of the Monastic Sisters of Bethlehem)

This past Saturday Lumina along with Entering Canaan, hosted an Entering Canaan one day "Mercy" retreat on Penitents of Love, introducing the participants, through talks and prayer, to the heart of being a penitent as well as providing practical ways in which to live this out.

The day was directed by Father Francis Mary Roaldi,CFR with beautiful music by Advisory Board member Michael Corsini who has been a part of the ministry for over 20 years.

It is our prayer that this beautiful work will grow into a large community of women and men who have experienced the love and mercy of God and seek to help others who may be living in silent suffering come to this Mercy which heals us from our sins.

For more information on Pentitents of Love visit the Entering Canaan site. More information will be provided as this new initiative is formed, always more deeply by the Holy Spirit.

 

The following are the talks by Fr Francis Mary Roadli, CFR  given at the retreat 

 

Download 17 Feb_24_What is a Pentitent

Download 17 Feb_24_Pratical Applications

Are the Souls of Aborted Children with the Lord?

ALETEIA

Theresa Bonopartis - published on 11/01/14 Aleteia

Pope Saint John Paul II and the International Theological Commission addressed this question.

The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace (Book of Wisdom 1:1-3).

I have always felt as though I have an army of souls of unborn babies supporting me in my work, interceding before God. I pray to them always to obtain the graces I need to do this work of leading souls to Christ and healing. In the beginning, it was just my own son whose presence I felt, but as the years have passed, I know there are millions of souls, a whole army, behind the work, constantly interceding and praying for the healing and reconciliation of their families.

Many, I now know by name. I even pray in front of clinics where I know they have died. It is no longer “babies die here,” but Sally’s baby, Chris, died here, or Tom’s baby, Mary. There is a personal connection to both the child and the parent.

Many argue about the status of the souls of aborted babies. Some think there is no chance that they are in heaven because they have not been baptized.  But, like the Holy Innocents, I believe theirs is a baptism of blood and that Our Merciful Savior and His Mother embrace them at their death.

Pope Saint John Paul II tells those who have lost a child to abortion in The Gospel of Life:

You will come to understand that nothing is definitively lost and you will also be able to ask forgiveness from your child, who is now living in the Lord (no. 99, original edition).

I remember the first time I heard those words “nothing is definitively lost,” it stirred up in me a hope of one day being with my child. We are made for heaven, for eternal life with the Lord. Our time here is limited and thanks to His mercy we can reconcile ourselves to Him and to our children.

Years later, the Vatican changed the sentence in no. 99 of The Gospel of Life – the one that had given so much consolation to women grieving over the loss of an unbaptized child, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion. It seems that theologians thought John Paul had gone too far in stating that unbaptized children were “living in the Lord,” implying that they were in heaven.   

This sentence was replaced by one that speaks of God’s mercy and yet leaves open the possibility that unbaptized infants may not be with the Lord: “To the same Father and his mercy you can with sure hope entrust your child.” It’s no small thing to hope in the Father’s mercy, of course, but the thought of even the possibility of eternal separation from one’s child is more than many mothers can bear.

Thankfully, in 2007, Pope Benedict XVI approved a statement by the International Theological Commission (ITC) titled “The Hope of Salvation for Infants who Die without Being Baptized.” Although its endnote no. 98 approves the revised language in The Gospel of Life, the “Hope of Salvation” presents numerous reasons, drawn from Scripture and Tradition, why it is reasonable to hope these children are “living in the Lord.” In addition to the Church revering the Holy Innocents as saints, the Gospels of Matthew and Mark are filled with passages in which Jesus speaks lovingly of innocent children:

“Let the children come to me … for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 19:14; cf. Lk 18:15-16, ‘infants’); “Whoever receives one such in my name receives me” (Mk 9:37); “unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 18:3); “Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 18:4); “whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (Mt 18:6); “See that you do not despise one of these little ones; for I tell you that in heaven their angels always behold the face of my Father who is in heaven” (Mt 18:10). So the Church renews her commitment to show Christ’s own love and care for children (cf.
LG 11; GS 48, 50).”

In addition, they reason that (1) God’s grace is available to everyone and (2) that God does not ask us to do the impossible:

(God did not bind His power to the sacraments, so as to be unable to bestow the sacramental effect without conferring the sacrament). God can therefore give the grace of Baptism without the sacrament being conferred, and this fact should particularly be recalled when the conferring of Baptism would be impossible.
(Hope of Salvation, no. 82)

Of course, this does not make abortions ok. Abortion is never right or ok, but it does reveal the incredible mercy of a God who died for us, a God who allows us to reclaim what is lost through sin, in the light of His forgiveness and mercy.

 

Infants who suffer as they die may be likened to the suffering Christ and when they die by violence,  they may be said to be baptized by their blood.

“Baptism for salvation can be received either
in re or
in voto,” meaning that a desire by an adult to be baptized in efficacious. When the sacrament of baptism is conferred on a child, “the Church professes her faith and intercedes powerfully for the infant, supplying the act of faith that the infant is unable to make.” By the same token,  if “an unbaptised infant is incapable of a
votum baptismi, then by the same bonds of communion the Church might be able to intercede for the infant and express a
votum baptismi [baptism by desire] on his or her behalf that is effective before God” (no. 98). 

I believe I will meet my son Joshua one day, and all the other babies whose parents I have been so very blessed to meet through this work. As we are embraced by the love and mercy of God, I believe we will learn how crucial the prayers and intercession of our children have been to uniting souls to God, a God who brings good out of all things, even the most terrible sins, if we allow Him to, God
– whose desire is to reconcile us to Himself – will allow us to embrace our children and to live together for eternity praising Him for His mercy.

Theresa Bonopartis
is the director of the post-abortion  healing program Lumina and co-developer of the “Entering Canaan” post abortion ministry model.

Jesus & Me – The Wining & Dining of Conversion

Conversion, true conversion, is a crazy thing. It can be dreaded, exhilarating, terrifying, fun, painful, joyful, and sad; I can go on and on. Once you have been touched and personally experienced Christ, your life is forever changed one way or the other. You can say yes, or no, to His invitation to follow Him, it is totally up to you, but one thing is for sure, life will never be the same.

I always describe my period of “dating”, getting to know Jesus, as Him wining and dining me. I enjoyed the peace of His presence as He touched my heart, taught me about himself, accepted me unconditionally, and healed my inner wounds, especially that o f my abortion.  It was a profound experience, as if He were my first true love, which in fact He was, since all of us are human and fall short of what He is able to give us.  Was it painful at times, yes, because He called me, (and continues to call me) to die to “self”. To live His life in me, but I have never once been sorry I made that choice to follow Him.

I often think of the apostles who spent so much time intimately with Jesus. They were right beside Him in the midst of His miracles, and listened intently to His teachings. They had 3 years of “wining and dining”, only to see it cumulate in HIs suffering death and resurrection. IT must have been disheartening to see how they, who had known Him so well, abandoned Him and hid in fear until the coming of the Holy Spirit.

They were told to travel in twos into foreign lands, taking nothing with them….no food, no money, no bags, NOTHING. If they weren’t accepted they were to shake the dust off of their feet and move on. He was calling them to let go of all they had known, and trust in His love for them. The life changing experience of knowing Jesus forever changed what they had known life to be.

Jesus calls us out into the unknown as well. He calls us to “be not afraid”, and to venture into the path He has paved for our salvation. It is humbling to recognize how difficult it is to let go of certain behaviors that were so much a part of our. Behaviors we never even thought about or considered wrong we were so blind to the truth.

We become locked in a place of wanting Him, and yet still humanly wanting the familiar people, behaviors and things in our lives, some of whom are not in accordance with His will. We also still long for the love and acceptance of those we consider our friends and family who may think we have gone off the deep end and cannot understand what has happened to us.

We want our life with Christ, and yet we want our old life, in some respects, just as much. We feel as though we are standing with one foot in the world, and the other bound for heaven unable or unwilling to lift our foot from the paths of the earth all we have ever known. No matte r how far we get on the road, we will still find ourselves with those struggles in this life.

In the beginning we may slip and fall often, even gravely. Jesus knew this and so we have the beautiful gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. As we progress, we may not fall gravely, but availing ourselves of this sacrament regularly gives us the grave we need to do that and grow along our spiritual journey.

We do not need to want to do all He asks of us in the beginning. The desire to want to want to do them is enough as we reach out and continue to grow in relationship.

It can be hard, to end an unhealthy relationship, perhaps living with someone, or giving up behaviors that hurt us. Speaking the truth in love can be terrifying, while knowing we are all sinners in need of His mercy, and yet in our hearts we know to turn back will only cause us misery and pain.

Being touched by the mercy of Christ in the midst of a grievous sin is in comprehensible to those who have not experienced it. It is almost unbelievable, a miracle of mercy, yet that is what Christ gives us, and as He gives us that He also gives us the means to continue on the path to Him, the only one who can truly satisfy our hearts desire. To push ourselves aside trusting in this love and mercy as we venture forth not only because He has told us to trust Him, but because we know it is true.

“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”  “It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”  St John Paul II

Thank you Jesus for wining and dining me in the beginning and each time I receive Your Body and Blood in the Eucharist which gives me strength until I share the eternal banquet in heaven.